The Dating Thread Number 122: Colour By Numbers

[ConorMcGregorsChin]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

I'm a Mum with wobbly bits too Spring and my FWB is an extremely fit sportsman. More and more, recently younger guys are telling me that the younger girls don't do it for them. They are too into pouting / posing and selfies. Wanting to be told how pretty they are (Apparently) Of course this could be bullshit and they may just be after a more experienced woman, but I have been seriously worshipped and treated very well by some younger guys over the past couple of years. Good luck. It's a great confidence boost!

Thanks Conor. I really hope your FWB date goes well tomorrow!!

And you, my confidence has been nicely boosted haha

sping I always find I bump into or pull men when I'm not prepared for it (not dressed up), which is great because you know you don't have to put in lots of effort next time you see them.

I'm having a thoroughly unsatisfactory time on OLD.
Found OKCupid was full of players and seemed to just get creepy messages from men who look like potatoes. I can't afford Guardian Soul Mates. Bumble I got nothing back from. Tinder was just scary (and duplicate profiles from OKCupid). I'm now on POF and have had only two messages from blokes I couldn't fancy. I've messaged 12 and had nothing back.

Dunno what I'm doing wrong.

Fresh you aren't doing anything wrong. It's a numbers game and there are players and liars etc out there. As well as duplicate profiles on multiple sites. Sweetshop mentality is rife. Add to that, logistics (are you in a major city?) and the numbers do dwindle. Also, average age on Bumble and Tinder is 26/27
You need a thick skin. And perseverance. Or you give up. But personally, curiosity and boredom get the better of me. And I'm determined to at least try and find something decent.
I've been on Zoosk for 4 months. Today I've had a bloke who insists we know each other from our past working in hotels. Despite me saying I've never worked in hotels. A bloke asking me if I like U2 (no hello or preamble) Another asking me if I'd like a submissive friend. And a message from a man with the user name 'Love Handles' mmm. Nice. Not. And that's just in 1 day!
Thankfully, I'm now having a conversation with the first hot looking guy I've encountered in my whole 4 months on there. It will possibly amount to nothing but hey ho...

The mechanic is on every single dating app. I don't mind as I'm fairly sure I'm not going to date him now but feeling like I'm being watched by someone I recently shagged is a bit strange.

And evidence he wants a relationship much much more than he lets on. Dear of him

fresh agree with other posters OLD is very hit and miss....can do wonders for your confidence but can also decimate it....it's really a numbers game tbh....like today, got a flurry of messages but today hardly anything....don't let your worth be dictated by OLD....had a boring Sunday evening getting the kids ready for school and have had only a few bites on OLD....Mr. American wants a phone chat so gearing myself up for that tonight....

I've had a hilarious & flirty text chat with Mr Irish tonight. A couple of hours too. I love that he really has no idea how to date so there's a significant lack of BS. He's also quite hopeful about Weds which is sweet. So we'll see. Feeling a touch more optimistic but who knows if we'll actually have that elusive chemistry.

I've got big fat zero of update. Mr Banker still on holiday and I have not found anyone else I like enough to even engage in a conversation more than 2 days in a row.

"More and more, recently younger guys are telling me that the younger girls don't do it for them. They are too into pouting / posing and selfies."

I was wondering about this. I get younger guys interested in me and I have tried to fathom why, when I am so much less attractive than the girls their own age, and the only thing I can come up with is that: if you like the idea that a woman is not that interested in posing, or her looks, you might like my profile which has very natural, unposed, unfiltered photos on it. It still could be that most men prefer the instagram look, but if there are SOME who don't, then they'll be going for old dears like me who don't bother to do it.

Back from the date... it was a hook up basically in my mind, and from that POV mission accomplished, very successfully :) but from his POV I am not sure I was clear enough about that and I'm a little anxious about what lies ahead

I was insanely nervous though, I basically wasted a day being nervous about it!

Sounds good Anti and hopefully you won't be nervous any more. Have you spoken / texted since?
I'm not sure I've set clear boundaries yet with FWB so will be interesting to see how that goes later today. He did mention something about seeing each other and how he'd not like it if I was shagging someone else so I need to have that chat (this refers to me telling him I was going on a date with someone in the early days of us chatting)

Mr Mountain is at risk of ruining things. I am meeting him tomorrow for lunch but he's already arranging more dates and talking about things we can do together in the future. If he doesn't calm down he will scare me off. At the moment my profile on POF is hidden as I can't handle having several irons at once, also I find when I hide for a week or two and then come back I get loads more messages.

Oh crickey Love you need to tell him to calm down. I get this so much. I usually say, 'look please not let's have expectations too high as it's a lot of pressure. Let's just see how it goes'

I will talk to him tomorrow, I have been backing off when he starts talking about possible future dates. I think he's just a bit over excited and keen, he keeps apologising after he says things. I think it's because we have a bit in common, he wants to share things and places but he's way ahead of himself and needs to calm down as I don't find it attractive. I'm in no rush to jump into anything too serious and he hasn't been single long (neither have I really). Why do men have to act like excited puppies as soon as anyone shows any interest?

I don't know Love but it's a massive turn off for me. Happens all the time. Usually it's like OMG I love curry too. Wow. How amazing. Let's get married kinda thing.
Throw into the mix a couple of really less common mutual interests and they go nuts!!

It is a big turn off. Also I often feel like they just say they share the same interests to make themselves sound interesting. I did have a look at his Facebook page last night and seems that he enjoys drinking in the pub quite a lot (I'm not a big drinker, rarely go to the pub), I'm also wondering why he has moved away from all of his friends after splitting with his ex, from his photos on FB he obviously had a lot of friends where he used to live, now he's moved to a area where he doesn't really know anyone. Anyway, I'm thinking way too much. I will see how tomorrow goes, if he's too full on then I will back away.

I have to admit I like it when a guy is future focused. Probably like Smeaton said because there's so much of the opposite. That said I'm looking for a ltr, so I can see how when you're not it would be uncomfortable. Most of the guys I meet wouldn't even suggest doing something tomorrow never mind in the future!

Phoenix exactly. We seem to getting wrong people and getting what we trying to avoid. Men wanting LTR getting matched with women that don't and wonen wanting relationship get commitmentphobs and those looking for fun.

Morning all Need some of your wisdom, daters.

Had date (hook up) number 2 with Mr Hot Native Londoner last night. Ah was amazing had a great time and we also got to know each other a little better. He's a sweet sexy guy, I like him. Though I am dating far too soon after my separation (only been 6 weeks). I did it as I wanted to feel desirable again and he definitely makes me feel that lewd arm gesture in fact I feel so much more optimistic and detached from my ex now so mission accomplished. I also want someone to have some fun with before I move away from this area in 6 months. My dilemma is that I can feel myself starting to overinvest.

How should I handle this? Cut contact?

Phoenix I do want a LTR but I'm not in a hurry, I'm also one of those people that don't tend to think too far ahead, I am quite spontaneous, I don't know what I'm doing in a couple days time let alone next month or next year. Mr Mountain seems to be in a hurry for a LTR even though he has just come out of one, maybe he's just lonely and would happily jump into a relationship with anyone?

Freshfigs I agree with the others, it's a numbers game. I've sent out loads of messages like yourself and had maybe 2 or 3 replies. The key is to not let it get you down although that is easier said than done.

I've let the chat fizzle out with MrCar. He didn't seem too bothered anyway and hasn't messaged me. If he does get in contact about meeting up then I'll politely decline. I was chatting via WhatsApp with MrTeacher yesterday and we've agreed to a Friday evening meet. Trying not to get too over-invested but he seems nice and chatty and that's exactly what I'm looking for. Hoping he messages today because it's nice to receive a message from an iron

Apart from that, no other irons. I'm a bit rubbish at handling multiple irons so may just stick with MrTeacher until we've met.

couchtospecialk This is why I can't do friends with benefits as I tend to over-invest. If you feel you could just do a FWB situation and all you want is some fun then I'd say go for it, but if you know you're going to fall for him and it would cause problems and possible heartache then I'd be very cautious and would perhaps back away if I were in your shoes. Sorry that's not much help.

Thanks myusername yes I think I need to step back and protext myself. We've been messaging every day thus far but think I should reduce it... have a feeling he might do the same actually. Sounds stupid but how to go about this? Should I level with him? Or at least let him know I'm taking a break for other reasons? Feels like ignoring him is not the way to go (the hidden agenda being I'd like to have the option of some more hot sex and fun! ). Am interested what has worked in your/others' experience?

I have stopped OLD for the time being as like you said, I don't think I could handle juggling multiple irons. We've both been very honest about our intentions and how dating is going so far. So I told him I'd stopped as he was plenty for the time being, and he has said he's still looking.