Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

The Dating Thread Number 122: Colour By Numbers

999 replies

ConorMcGregorsChin · 13/09/2017 18:27

Dating thread rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
OP posts:
RubyRed2017 · 21/09/2017 08:03

Phoenix you have my sympathy, same thing has happened to me so many times ie dates cancelling on childfree weekends. It's just so bloody rude, it's like normal standards of behaviour don't apply online. I guess they know there is no comeback as you are never going to see them again.
I am chatting to a few people but don't have any childfree time for a while so can't easily arrange any dates

PurpleSweetPeas · 21/09/2017 08:39

Morning, I need the wisdom of you lovely lot.

Went on my date with MrMusic lovely guy, nice and kind. He was quite nervous so it took a while for conversation to flow.
He wouldn't pass the kitchen counter test.
But do I need him to? Do I need that all consuming lust?!

Background - I was in a 20 relationship with a bloke that wouldn't bother at all. Wouldn't plan anything, wouldn't make me a cup of tea or tell me I'm lovely which of course I am! He just couldn't be bothered.

I had a two date thing with MrForces which ended after we DTD (doesn't bother me) but he was a kitchen counter guy and more! But that's what he wanted me to think, I think!

There's part of me that just wants to be treated well but there's part of that wants some excitement.

But this was a first date and we were both nervous. He plays in a band so can't be that shy and retiring! And a few things he's said make me think there's more to him. FB stalking proves otherwise too.
But then again, I wasn't instantly attracted to him. Not in the kitchen counter type way! But I think I could imagine more with him.
Sorry for the rambling post! Not quite sure what to think this morning. Confused

Lovemusic33 · 21/09/2017 08:43

Purple go on a 2nd date and see, I often go on a 2nd date if I'm unsure (no harm done). Don't settle for for someone who will just treat you right though, there's needs to be attraction too, it is hard to find both. I do know exactly what you mean, I want someone who's going to treat me right, I have met several men that would probably do exactly that but I just couldn't imagine DTD with them (or I tried and just wasn't feeling it).

whatisgoingon1 · 21/09/2017 09:56

Phoenix I had similar story once.
Met a Swiss academic on bumble ,worked as a researcher in local Uni,good looking we did chat for few days so I thought ye,he's alright should not be issues.Anyway arranged a date for a 5 days later. Never heard from him since the time arrangement was made,although seen him on WhatsApp even on the day in question.Needless to say,I assumed date is off.Sat at home and at the scheduled time get a message from him"Where are you? I'm at the said bar waitng for you!". I was gobsmacked. Explained to him since he wasn't in touch I assumed the date was off.He said he was busy.I said well I seen you on WhatsApp,you could have dropped me a line couple of hrs ago ! At that point he got annoyed,accused me of stalking him. Cant remember if he blocked me or I did but block did happen. He really put me off Swiss men (my Dsis lives in Switzerland ).

whatisgoingon1 · 21/09/2017 10:04

Purple definitely go on second date.
Both of those guys I met on OLD and ended up in relationships with did not excite me on first date physically but when it did come to sex (weeks afterwards) both blown my mind away. It was better then good ,perhaps because of sexual tension building up slowly.
Might not work for you but definitely worked for me.

Beentherelefthimgotthetshirt · 21/09/2017 10:51

Phoenix that's so bloody annoying.

Purple I need it all. I have no intention of having the hassle of compromise without all the upside of what I'm looking for. I can't help thinking that dating is harder these days because so many people don't have to compromise any more as we have our own lives as single people, careers, a nice home, settled children etc so our standards are higher.

Recent ex wasn't a thunderbolt when we met in RL but he had this incredible smile and when he smiled I could just imagine his passion and the thought didn't repulse me (I think repulsion is Lana's one!). We met 4 or 5 times in RL (where he worked) before going on a date and we never wanted to stop talking every time we met. Our first date lasted 13 hours and that whole time we were either in a bar or a restaurant just talking. There was no thunderbolt, there was no instant "connection"; every time I left his company I was left wanting to know more and so was he. Sadly we didn't stay the course because there were too many differences in where we wanted our lives to go.

Having written that down I guess my 'test' is wanting to know more about him. When I meet someone I want to leave him feeling that there's a world of conversation that I can't wait to dive into and the kitchen worktop test is about not being repulsed and sensing that underlying passion rather than feeling an instant knicker-dropping thunderbolt which inevitably leads to some great sex and little else.

Do you want to know more about Mr Music? If so then go on a second date! For me 45 minutes drinking coffee with Mr Spires was enough for me to realise I wanted to know nothing further about him whatsoever.

PhoenixMama · 21/09/2017 13:33

Purple I think have a second date if you're not sure. Sometimes people are nervous but warm up and sometimes people are just weird - no harm in finding out.

Mr Irish has rearranged for Weds next week and been very apologetic. I'm not sure I fancy him from the photos but I think if there's chemistry he could be a grower. It's like when you have someone you work with that you barely notice to start with and then as you get to know them they become more attractive. I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing.

PurpleSweetPeas · 21/09/2017 18:21

Thanks all, will go on another date. We were texting today and it was good but just spoken on the phone and there isn't that spontaneity of chat. But I'm tired so might take some of the blame for that. But I fear it's all a bit dull!

I have another date with someone else on Monday who is appearing to have that quick chat / wit that I like.

I'm feeling a bit shallow as feel I need the attraction to reel me in Confused

MyUsername200 · 21/09/2017 21:18

Been chatting to MrCar and we're meeting up for a drink next week. Seems to be going well.

I had a message on POF off a guy (I'll call him MrYounger) and he seems keen. Has asked me out on a date already (after only a few messages). Not sure what to make of him. He is a good few years younger than me (I'm 32, he's 26!) so not sure if we'll have the same interests but I'm happy to see where it goes.

whatisgoingon1 · 21/09/2017 21:33

I spoke on the phone for the first time with Mr Driving instructor. I don't like his accentSad . Anyone else picky over accent and telephone manner or is it just me? Sad

PurpleSweetPeas · 21/09/2017 21:51

Whats is really picky over accents, you're not alone. I'm a sucker for a Scottish one though Grin

user1497991628 · 21/09/2017 22:47

Please can I pop on and ask for advice.?

So, I'm new at this OLD. I live very rurally, so everyone is miles away, like at least fifty miles.

Is it pointless to continue?

Smeaton · 21/09/2017 22:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

user1497991628 · 21/09/2017 22:58

Thanks, I can drive and am happy to travel. I didn't want to seem weird, or over keen though!

I thought a few dates would help to fill in very second weekend when don't have dcs. A bit of distraction and fun.

Smeaton · 21/09/2017 23:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

user1497991628 · 21/09/2017 23:36

Thanks- just trying not to to take it all too seriously, it's very weird!

LanaDReye · 21/09/2017 23:54

Been yes it was me that said I back away from first dates asap if I feel repulsed by the man. Three dates I thought within 5 min "no, just no". Sadly those dates were tricky to end super-quickly I'm too polite to run but I got out when I could.

I really like Mr PrevIron so can't post about dating, apart from to say I think it can lead to more.

FreshFigs · 22/09/2017 00:27

Newbie on this thread..,

I've been having a terrible time on OKC and Tinder. Just tried Bumble and got no responses to messages yet.

Anyway: hellooooo!

eatingtomuch · 22/09/2017 07:15

Ok so started online dating a couple of weeks ago.

First date was a disaster after days of messaging I had built it up to something it wasn't (rookie error).

Changed tactic last weekend and on Sunday met a date for coffee after a only a few hours of chat. Instant attraction and we met again the next evening for a drink. He went away on Wednesday but messages have continued regularly between us.

So here's my dilemma. Two weeks ago I started chatting to a third person. He does seem really genuine and wants to meet tomorrow for lunch. I'm not sure if I should go or wait to see if things progress with date two when he returns.

I really don't want to mess people around.

Lovemusic33 · 22/09/2017 07:33

I have my date with Mr Mountain today, I am so nervous, haven't got a clue what to wear, haven't got a clue how I'm going to eat (I love food but feel too sick to eat when I'm nervous), we are going for lunch in a local pub and then maybe going for a walk. I'm not worried about having nothing to talk about as we have loads in common and have talked a lot via whatsapp. I am worried I won't find him attractive (not sure if he will pass the kitchen work top test).

My iron lives quite far away (30 miles at least) but used to live locally and works in this area a lot. It's almost impossible to find anyone Local as I am rural.

eating I would go on the date with the 3rd person even though you like date 2, it's always good to keep your options open and quite often things do not work out.

PurpleSweetPeas · 22/09/2017 08:09

Eating I'd go on the other date as well. You never know how it will turn out. Might make you want the guy you like even more!

Love relax!! You will be fine. Enjoy yourself and if nothing else you get to eat a lovely lunch!

PhoenixMama · 22/09/2017 08:25

Eating def go on the date with the 3rd guy. Dates (even ones who seem invested) can disappear overnight. Plus remember nobody is exclusive till you have The Talk!

Love are you always nervous when you meet new people? Try not to build it up in your head or it could be painful.

Whatis I'm so terrible about voices. I can be totally put off too. And totally agree with Been a Scottish (or Irish) accent is like panty remover to me!

For me Mr Irish had me in fits of laughter last night. He really is hilarious so fingers crossed we fancy each other. Not holding much hope given recent events!

whatisgoingon1 · 22/09/2017 08:26

eating don't overinvest too soon. Go on a date with new person you might like him too!
Until you had exclusivity chat,you dont owe anything to the one you already met.

PurpleSweetPeas · 22/09/2017 08:39

Phoenix ooooo, an Irish voice is totally panty remover territory. Which reminds me that Cold Feet is on tonight!!
MrMusic is welsh. It's not quite the same but it's okay.

eatingtomuch · 22/09/2017 09:01

Thanks everyone. Certainly no talk with anyone of being exclusive.

There is a slight doubt that date 2 is playing me. Sends lots of messages (no sexting) all very nice and cosy. It just feels a bit much, too quick. We have not DTD.

So lunch it is tomorrow and let's see what happens.