The sentence that ended your relationship

[OhHolyFuck]

Sort of a taat, but reading sosos grammar school thread and it got me to thinking

When ex-dp and I were 'trying' (i.e. I was doing the pick me dance/hysterical bonding and he was sexting everything with a pulse and lining up his next victim girlfriend) we had a conversation about celebrities we'd like to be

I said various people for their attributes and then he said he'd be Peter Pan - when I asked why he said 'because I don't ever want to grow up, it's boring isn't it?' and it was a 'scales falling from my eyes' moment - I had morphed into this boring responsible dowdy mum but thank god one of us had because he was simply never going to take responsibility for anything

Every letter he didn't take back to school that I'd had to fill out, every time he was late for work, every time he lived off microwave burgers and spent 20 hours a day gaming - it wasn't me, it was him looking to be forever 16

So what was yours?

I told my ex-boyfriend that I had been abused as a child, then a couple of months later . he said to me " there are two sides to every story".... needless to say it went downhill from there

"I don't like hearing you swear. I just don't like it. I don't want you to swear."

I was swearing because I'd just discovered that he'd been lying to me on a big scale for months, siphoning money out of my bank account, getting us in huge amounts of debt and legal trouble and hiding the evidence.

You'd think that itself was the reason I left and it was, really, but all those times when I nearly went back it was the sheer bloody awful entitled ridiculousness of this that kept me away.

"I think I love both of you"

Then let me make the decision for you you spineless twat. I left a couple of days later.

So many nails in the coffin, but a few moments that really sealed it:

• We were on a weekend break for Valentine's day, staying in a hotel. I was eating a full breakfast, although he didn't really like me eating pork (due to his culture, not mine - not Muslim by the way - I had never agreed to be bound by this). I was halfway through a sausage when he looked at me and said really calmly "I hate you". He was then furious because (a) I cried in public and made him look bad and (b) I wanted to read the Sunday newspapers.

• A gesture rather words. We were at a shooting stall at a funfair when he swung the gun around so he pretended he could shoot me. He was laughing and passing it off as a joke, but his resentment and dislike of me were so obvious. It's pretty soul-destroying living with someone who dislikes you.

• Finally, I was having yet another anguished conversation about how to make things better, and suddenly I looked at him and said "You're not worth it". He was an aggressive fucker but the wind went of his sails and he didn't reply. I had this deep-down conviction that it was just a question of sorting out the logistics to leave.

"I can't believe I've wasted my 20's with a fat person" followed by maniacal laughter as I drove his arse around in the rain with tears silently streaming down my face. I never felt lower.

The thing is, I was actually a size 12 for most of our relationship so not exactly gigantic and I'd given birth to our child only 4/5 months earlier so was carrying a little baby weight. There were many even nastier things he said over the years but I remember that one as it finally highlighted that he was always going to think he was entitled to better than me and it cemented the worries in my mind that he no longer found me attractive.

Limped on for a couple more years and after giving me yet another character assassination that put me in tears, he looked at me with pure contempt and said; "you're a fat, self-pitying waste of space and I don't want to touch you anymore..."

Split up with him just two months after that.

He maintains that it was me looking him dead in the eye after the last comment and just saying "please leave, I don't love you anymore." He genuinely can't see why I felt that way!

So happy to be free!!!

Just a few examples. I had been ill and was sent for tests to determine if it was cancer. He said 'it'll be a shame if it's cancer and you die, I'll miss you'. When he had been made redundant (I later realised he made no attempt to find another job for over a year). I was working part time since the birth of our DS but couldn't get extra hours so I decided to take a second part time job plus find a couple of house cleaning jobs for extra cash. He thought this was a wonderful idea. I asked him if he could help around the house as I would be effectively working 6 days a week plus looking after our own house etc. He said no as 'looking for a job is a full time job' and I would still have to deal with it all myself. When I reached a very significant birthday I received a card with a message that read 'happy birthday, from ex'. That's it, no love, nothing. when I asked why he hadn't thought to buy me a small gift, or a meal out etc I was told 'you can't expect a present when you only work part time'. If I dared to disagree with him was told to shut up. If I didn't I was then told to 'shut up bitch'. I was told I was a crap cook, then bought himself fish and chips after I'd called him to the table to one of his favourite meals. He decided that as I spent 5 hours a week travelling to and from my very well paid part time job (2 buses plus lots of walking) and he had a 15 minute drive I effectively spent 5 hours a week 'doing nothing'. He decided he deserved this too so would announce at the weekend 'it's my turn, I'm starting my 5 hours now' and disappear to the spare room to play computer games. What finally did it was the Saturday evening after dinner. He and our son were playing Xbox whilst I washed up. When I eventually sat down and asked if we were going to watch some family tv together as we did on a Saturday evening he turned to me laughed, and said 'shut up'. Our son laughed at me and said the same. I thought I was doing the right for our son by staying together, I realised then I wasn't. He has since narrowly avoided prison after beating up a girlfriend when drunk. Spent time living on the streets. Possibly been declared bankrupt despite me giving him half the equity from our home and not receiving any maintenance. It's all my fault though because I told him I didn't love him any more and asked him to leave. Sorry for the rant!

For me it was when I was miscarrying our much wanted and longed for first and only pregnancy.
He'd told his boss as he should have been going on a work trip abroad. His boss said don't worry about going if you don't want to, we'll completely understand.
He asked me what he should do. I couldn't think of anything but what was happening to me so told him "do what you want". He went. He posted pictures of himself on Facebook having a great time at a boat party. He left me with my cold mother to ferry me to and from hospital appointments.
I fell out of love with him.

So many awful stories to everyone.
The selfishness of some men is beyond belief

AnAirbourne.. - why have you given in to your cruel husband? You type that you get regular manicures as if it's a fuck you to him. Don't stay with someone who is so horrible.

"Why are you so horrid? Why are you so nasty?" - when I'd left his nicely folded clean washing in the laundry basket beside his wardrobe for him to put away. I had a 4 week old baby who did not sleep and had recently moved to 4 hs away from friends and family. Had my first LTB from MN shortly after. Took a while for the scales to fall from my eyes but I am hugely grateful for those first consciousness expanding LTBs

It should have been when he told me I am a fat ugly bitch in front of our 5yo DD. Or when he told me that I should go back where I came from if I don't like what he's doing when I asked him not bellow stupid racist crap at 3am (I am from elsewhere in EU). Or that time when he said I have a fat ass and saggy tits.
Could also pick any of the times when he shoved me and pushed me around.
Or just the fact that I pay all the bills and do all the housework and childcare whilst he is busy getting drunk.
The thing is nobody is going to want me now that I'm in my 30-s complete with a child and belly rolls. There's no point to me anymore.

This is a hugely cathartic thread for me and I just want to hug you all and tell you how wonderful you all are.

@Tatiana1986
Yes they will! I promise you they will! And I tell you what, it's better to be on your own than put up with that shit. Don't let your doubts and fears tell you otherwise. You deserve to be treated with love and respect.

Tatiana, years of abuse can make you think that, but it's not true. And even if it was true that nobody wanted you, you'd be better off alone. You're still with him? Do you have any idea where you could go for some advice? Have you spoken to your doctor about feeling low?

"you're a drug addict".

In front of the chindren.

I've got a chronic condition and take painkillers to function.

After that I got my shit together, made and and kicked the EA, alcoholic arsehole out if my house.

@Tatiana I am 40 in the next few days. Two children. Two failed marriages. I've lost lots of weight but still have saggy boobs and a wobbly bum and I'm still desired. Can promise you not all men are your ex!

I hope you get cancer or AIDS, you slag.

This was in an argument, I hadn't cheated or anything. Not that that would make it ok.

As a result of me leaving him shortly afterwards, he hasn't seen his daughter for 16 years. He recently found her on FB, and got in touch. Unsurprisingly, she's not that bothered

I don't want to be married to you anymore.....

Last ex boyfriend, impotent due to morbid obesity, age, diabetes that he ignored etc.

On not being able to perform, giving me a death stare and telling me,"I never had a problem sleeping with Dawn". (His incredibly beautiful ex wife).

After feeling so unloved and uncared about, pleaded with (D)H to show me he loved me ...... he said he didn't know how ....
I suggested little notes, flowers etc but he said he couldn't do anything like that now because I'd suggested them

Countless things since. Continually walking out on me just after my mum had died even though I had a five year old and nine week old baby and I was heartbroken about losing my mum.

So, so many other things. Still unfortunately 'married' but he's not living here right now.

He doesn't think he's ever done anything wrong

There really are some clueless nasty bas**s out there!!

"I love you like a sister"

DS2 was 3 weeks old at this point

(2 months later I would uncover his affair after he had left me post c-section with a newborn & a 2 year old)

For balance though, it's (I suspect) mostly self-selecting female posters here. There's equally no way to warn unsuspecting men about selfish women.