The sentence that ended your relationship

[OhHolyFuck]

Sort of a taat, but reading sosos grammar school thread and it got me to thinking

When ex-dp and I were 'trying' (i.e. I was doing the pick me dance/hysterical bonding and he was sexting everything with a pulse and lining up his next victim girlfriend) we had a conversation about celebrities we'd like to be

I said various people for their attributes and then he said he'd be Peter Pan - when I asked why he said 'because I don't ever want to grow up, it's boring isn't it?' and it was a 'scales falling from my eyes' moment - I had morphed into this boring responsible dowdy mum but thank god one of us had because he was simply never going to take responsibility for anything

Every letter he didn't take back to school that I'd had to fill out, every time he was late for work, every time he lived off microwave burgers and spent 20 hours a day gaming - it wasn't me, it was him looking to be forever 16

So what was yours?

Him: "the problem with you is you will never accept that we are not equal"

Summed up his whole lack of respect for me and all the disagreements we had in one sentence. 20 years of marriage.

I answered a call from him and he immediately belched down the phone to me. Again.
Packed his shit and left it at his mums that night, it was the last straw in a long line of disrespectful/lazy/piggish behaviour from him.
He begged and cried and pleaded to come back, tried to use our DS as emotional black mail (he'd never really been interested in him up until that point.)
11 years later and I've not regretted it for a second.

When he said he was going to put our children into care. Up to those words I thought I'd made my bed and I had to lie in it. Liberation.

9 years later his kids no longer see him and he no longer has parental responsibility.

"Why are there council estates in central London? What makes these people think they have the right to live in nice areas?"

I remember thinking "I cannot have children with you, you are such an utter shit."

Thing is, he'd been an abusive partner for years, but it was hearing him dehumanise whole sections of society at a stroke that made me realise that it wasn't me, he really was that dreadful.

I had just got home from lunch with a personal trainer friend, who had told me what great shape I was in since starting marathon training and doing lots of weights.

I got home and walked upstairs

ExH stood at the bottom of the stairs and said 'I don't know why you wear skinny jeans. You don't have the legs or arse to get away with them'

I knew then it was just more bullying. More insults to chip away at me

I moved into the spare room that night and started secretly looking for somewhere to move out to.

And the stupid bastard was about 2 stone overweight...

I've only read page one and some of these are just so dreadful.
Utilityroomenvy....that's one of the nastiest things I've ever read.
Words fail me.
Thank god you've got rid.

Mine was
Me...shall we renew our vows in Vegas next year ( our 30th). Laughing, we could say them in front of elvis.
Him...Nooooo! I'm thinking of leaving you.

Bolt from the blue. I'd had lovely valentines card and birthday cards just a few days before and were due to go to Florida. That was a holiday from hell that was.

And it limped on for a few more years!

My now ex had been a bit distant at the time and I sent him a text asking if everything was ok between us. His response - ' Im losing enthusiasm a bit because you're bigger than what I'd normally go for'.
I was a size 12-14 then so not exactly huge. And I'd been that size since the day I'd met him a year ago so it's not as if I'd changed during the relationship.

'I never want children.' We divorced.

"Why is it that all your friends are married with kids and you aren't?"

Proceeded by the most maddening argument I've ever had where he justified all the horrible things he said with "you need to hear it for your own good".

He talked at me for so long in such an aggressive way that I went from crying to laughing because I couldn't believe the situation I was in. He then got angry because I didn't respond how he wanted so he took his stuff and left. I stupidly didn't lock the door behind him and he returned 10 mins later as if someone had flicked a switch and he was all cuddly and sweetness and light, as if nothing had happened. I made my excuses, got him out of the house and then told him it was over later that night when he was no where near me.

He begged me back and threatened suicide because I refused to see him to "fix our relationship". This was all before I'd discovered mumsnet but something in my head was telling me he'd get physical if I let him near me so I never saw him again.

@tomatopuree wow, I can't imagine what hell he put you through but it sounds like you've showed him what for. There is a book there.

'I don't do hospitals' after my sister had been rushed into hospital for a life saving emergency operation and he refused to support me. I knew then that this was an engagement to break off.. what would happen when things got tougher and he wouldn't be there to support. Best decision ever...

Oh the other one was a conversation with a pharmacist in Boots getting the MAP.
We'd had (deeply unpleasant) sex the night before on holiday and I was a bit worried that due to the time difference I had messed up taking my pill. I made up an excuse the second we landed to go out so that I could go and get the MAP just in case because there was no way I was ever going to bring children in to this world with him as their father. It was one thing for me to put up with his abuse and appalling behaviour but I would never subject a child to it.
That realisation was rather eye opening.

Some of you are just amazing, to have got through those experiences and come out the bigger person, absolute kudos.

Mine in comparison seems trivial but sums up his laziness and selfishness. A week before my birthday last year I mentioned that I was looking at a particular pair of shoes. His exact words - "Oh good, you buy them for yourself and then I don't need to buy you a birthday present". 2 weeks later he admitted he'd been hiding bonuses at work to buy himself an expensive piece of sporting equipment (several hundred pounds and he already had 4 of these things). Nisi went through last week.

When he cried with misery because he didn't have cancer.
Seriously was upset that it was a bloody stone not a tumour. Turned out he had his ducks in a row - already lined up work for the expected terminal diagnosis, funding for his funeral and had written a letter to me and the kids telling us he wouldn't degrade himself by fighting it - and all for nothing

Irony is that I have had cancer twice and fought bloody hard to beat it and win.

"You know I realise I've let myself go, don't make an effort and don't bother losing weight or keeping fit ..... but I have you now, so I don't really see the point." .... ok then.

'I'd better go now. I don't want to be late for work.'
This was 5 minutes after I'd received a phone call telling me that my Dad was dying. We'd found out I was pregnant the week before.

"People like you shouldn't learn to drive"

I was an anxious learner, but DESPERATELY wanted to get there - last straw - left that day.

(passed first time!)

Gosh, some of these posts are hard to read. What utter shits these men are.
Mine was: 'I had an affair, get over it!' It was said in such a contemptuous way that I realised he gave zero fucks for me & the upset he had caused me. Like others have said, scales fell from my eyes. The great thing is that these statements provide a moment of absolute clarity - no doubt whatsoever what this person thinks & believes - that it's a gift. So happy to be free of him

"Sweet dreams Katie"
This was said by (now) ex partner after I got back in bed from doing night feed with our 2 month old DS. He was still half asleep and my name is certainly NOT Katie.

When discussing driving when older "the only place I'll be getting driven to is your grave so I can piss all over it"
I wrote about this here under another name, I'm still married for various reasons and am biding my time

"Why don't we go into London and make a night of it? No? What am I going to do whilst you sit and talk to your mum all day"

"I don't want to sleep at your uncles. Find me a bed and breakfast. "

"Can they arrange the funeral for a Friday- I don't want to take two days off work. "

My dad had died. Ex B lived a few hrs away so logistics were in place but they weren't to his liking. I broke up with him over the phone- I wasn't going to spend any energy on appeasing him when I was grieving for my dad. Ex had cheated on me numerous times but that wasn't enough for me to see the light. I'd like to think my dad gave me the strength to do this.

"Actually I have booked that long weekend away with drinking friends to a lovely hot country. You know the one we talked about and decided it wouldn't be good timing for us and the children"
I hardly ever go away. He goes all the time.
I told him that wasn't what we decided and he said "you are so miserable" and "why don't you book somewhere to go away yourself"
I didn't have access to his funds and earn rubbish money how could I.
Oh and his weekend away is the day of my birthday.!

"You fucking prick"

Said with poison. He's not a nasty person, passive aggressive yes but not nasty. That made it all the more poignant!

I can't recall the exact wording but I recall the conversation. I had thanked XH for picking the kids up so I could attend a work function (ie WORK not having fun. He responded by having a go at me for being stressed with him the previous sunday night having spent yet another weekend looking after the children on my own while he pursued his own hobbies. It was so completely out of order and unjustified that I realised then that he was never ever going to be reasonable about sharing the parenting load.

He text me the other day asking "was I really that bad to be with" um yes mate, you were. No apology for how badly he treated me or all the times he let me and the kids down." just looking for an ego stroke.

BeyondthePage excellent :)

There were so many frustrating conversations towards the end of my marriage that it is hard to pick one. But I think I'll pick the moment I actually realised what his game was - making me immune to it.

The signs of his affair had got more and more obvious, but he just denied, denied, denied. When I pointed out that he had started sitting with his back to me all the time, or walking ahead of or behind me, he just said it wasn't true. When I pointed out that he was suddenly constantly getting texts at all times of day or night, they were from "work colleagues". I couldn't prove any different.

Read his emails with all the details of his affair, and got in touch with the OW's husband (who already knew). When I confronted him I started by saying that I'd spoken to OW's husband; he didn't know I'd seen his emails. Again, he denied, denied, denied: "You don't know anything!" he yelped. And finally I got it: he had never actually said that he wasn't having an affair. He couldn't bring himself to make that outright statement. All he had ever said was "Prove it!", knowing I couldn't.

This time, though, I could.

"That's it, im going back to london and im leaving you". Said to me by my once lovely kind husband.

Whilst we were at my mum's who he'd insulted.

And on fucking Christmas Day.

8 months after i had given birth to a sick and premature baby by emergency caesarean.

After i had spent 4 weeks in total in hospital due to pregnany and birth complications.

Christmas Day. My daughter's first christmas.

He came back two days later and refused to apologise.

I finally filed for divorce last week.

I will never understand why my lovely husband changed. It's a trauma i will never get over.