The sentence that ended your relationship

[OhHolyFuck]

Sort of a taat, but reading sosos grammar school thread and it got me to thinking

When ex-dp and I were 'trying' (i.e. I was doing the pick me dance/hysterical bonding and he was sexting everything with a pulse and lining up his next victim girlfriend) we had a conversation about celebrities we'd like to be

I said various people for their attributes and then he said he'd be Peter Pan - when I asked why he said 'because I don't ever want to grow up, it's boring isn't it?' and it was a 'scales falling from my eyes' moment - I had morphed into this boring responsible dowdy mum but thank god one of us had because he was simply never going to take responsibility for anything

Every letter he didn't take back to school that I'd had to fill out, every time he was late for work, every time he lived off microwave burgers and spent 20 hours a day gaming - it wasn't me, it was him looking to be forever 16

So what was yours?

This thread is heartbreaking.

I thought my experience on here was bad enough but some of these are shocking.

I felt really sad to be able to share an awful detail from the abuse I had suffered and still do, but I am also proud to be in the virtual company of some very brave and admirable people.

I agree with so many others - this thread has been both cathartic and heartbreaking (and has set of my anxiety slightly by taking me back into the crap).

But reality is I'm only 7 months out of my last shitstorm and despite so much going on including ongoing police investigation I am feeling happy most days, actually happy.

Ex1: If you want us to stay together you have to leave your job and get pregnant again.

Ex2, when asked to promise he wouldn't be unfaithful again: No, that would be boring.

Him in bed one night after a HORRIBLE weekend: You need to try harder to make me want to stay with you

I can remember lying there in the dark staring at the ceiling thinking 'no, you need to try harder you abusive, lying, cheating scumbag'. He tried his absolute best to make me out be crazy, belittled me in public, hid money from me, got with other women, hid my stuff, ignored my family, ridiculed my depression... I could be here all day!

Next morning I got up, told him it wasn't working anymore, rang work to say I was quitting and me and ds got the train to my mums where We lived in her box room sleeping on the floor whilst I claimed benefits.

4 years later DS is so happy (he adores his fuckwit father and sees him every weekend), I have my own house which is gorgeous, a job I love, amazing friends, a stupidly supportive family and have 2 holidays booked to dream destinations for next year, one with my best friends and one with my amazing ds.

To anyone putting up with shit, you are worth better. I never thought I would get ou but I did and I am so, so happy. Yeah it's a struggle at times but life is infinitely better and leaving That day was the best thing I've ever done. I truly believe it he hasn't of made That remark, I'd still be there living a shit life

And I xdp now has a shit life and tells me all the time he misses me and Wants to get back together. Think he forgets about the fiancé and 2 kids he's had since he we split. Wanker

@raspberrysuicide

The night before we were due to go for IVF as I couldn't give him the baby he dreamed of;

"Erm, I think we should cancel tomorrow. I had a one night stand and she's pregnant"

3 years of TTC with him& him making me feel useless and a failure then boom!

Got up walked out the house and never saw him (or my things) ever again.

for all that you have gone through.

"Do you know where your partner is right now?"

I was sitting in bed watching TV, it was a documentary about cheating partners in the UK. I thought, "actually, I really don't". He stayed out that night and I confronted him the next day. He denied OW at first and then confessed to sleeping with one of our "friends" for months. When I got upset he said, " See, this is why I didn't tell you because I knew you'd act like this" !! (BF of 4 years).

Lovely story tellys

People who think they may be in an abusive relationship should read this.
It might give them courage.
If my ex was still alive I think now would have been about the time to thank him. I've had an absolutely gilded life since getting with my new dh 9 years ago..
It's our 2 year wedding anniversary next week and we are both happy.
We are in each other's company 24/7 . ITs not a problem. If he really wanted to do something then he does it, but mostly he doesn't and the same goes for me.
We have similar tastes and enjoy doing things together. Our downtime is spent me ipadding and him reading.
It's lovely and something I could not have envisaged with exh.
We've bought a bigger caravan so will spend more time in N Yorks , so commuting between our two homes each week. Can't wait.
We go for meals, cinema, drinks, holidays and spend time with my family and grandkids.
I couldn't be happier.

So please, if you feel you are with an abusive partner. They won't change. Leave or better still get them to.
Life can and should be amazing.

Thanks Dowser. If someone had said a few years ago I'd be where I am now, I wouldn't believe them. I do have a very supportive family which I know a lot of people don't have that, but believe me, however bad it can be being in a cramped room with the kids, having no money and no real plan out of it, it is always a MILLION times better then being stuck in a relationship where you're treated like shit.

Although adding to that, my family couldn't believe it when I turned up on the doorstep. They all loved DP and spent a lot of time asking me if I had done the right thing, was I sure etc. Took a long time for them to see the real him, but the mask always slips eventually.

Oh and I'm so glad so many people have gone on to find happiness and to learn they are worth more

@yetmorecrap I probably should have added, I asked my friend to pick me up, phoned him and told him of course I'd agree and everything would be fine, all my fault, I'd be a better wife...

Got home, friend waited outside, went in, picked up my DD, and with only what we were wearing, my phone and £7... we left and never looked back. We've not seen him since, we have our own little flat, another DC and although I'm single again, we're much happier. So it ended up ok.

I wish I could take something from some of these lovely stories where you've salvaged your lives, resurrected them and gone on to find great peace and harmony.

Right now I don't feel like I will ever be happy again.
My trust and faith has bene shattered. I have years stretching ahead of me with a very young set of children all alone, I will never trust another man or want him around my children. I am too scarred, too traumatised.

Every day is a fight.

Almost every night I cry myself to sleep, wake up gripped with an overwhelming fear he will get unsupervised access to the children, hurt them, or they'll have an accident or he'll continue to psychologically abuse them at worst ignore them at best.

I start reading the Law and cases and documents at 4am.

I starts counselling a week on Monday, after an expedited police referral. I think once I start talking I will never be able to stop.

@lollipop7 It wasn't always like this, but it does get better. Take it bit by bit, get through breakfast, make it to lunch, through lunch and so on. Its hard, yes, but you can do it. It's totally possible. I hope it's ok to offer a chat via PM

'It's your fault you were raped as a child. You make me people hurt you'

Just before he kicked me so hard he broke my ribs. I will never get over the sentence.

@FiveBoys 21. She moved out at16. Only contact is if I call her or if she needs something from me. She and I were amazingly close until she hit 14.

Then it was just a series of police bringing her home if they went to a house and found her there. They felt she was vulnerable, oh police arriving at my nightshift job to say she had gone out and left all my doors and windows open and they had to go into my house to check I hadn't been burgled.

Life's pretty shit eh

Upon missing a phone call as I was out with friends 'I find it funny that you ignore me, I bet you're out with someone I wouldn't approve of, lol darling you don't need to lie to me'.... We were only several months in and even though I trundled along for a couple of weeks trying to fix it, these posts have made me realise what a lucky escape I've had. I have very little doubt he'd have been an emotionally dysfunctional, perhaps even EA bastard at the very least.

I'm so glad you have all got out and moved on happily!

I'd discovered my H was having affair. The following day, we did the whole hysterical bonding thing (including the pick-me dance) and ended up in bed.

Afterwards, he rolled over and said 'I'm going to get a motorbike'.

It was a scales falling from my eyes moment, his bit of excitement with OW was over and now he needed to replace it.

Unfortunately I still begged and pleaded with him for another 6wks before he finally left but almost a year on, I can see that I'm so much better off without him.

I remembered my BFF's. She had been trying to make her marriage work (with no help from bastard ex) and they had a row. When she threatened to leave him he said "You will leave this marriage when I give you permission to leave this marriage". She said at that moment she realized how brainwashed she was with his belief that 'you need to work to make me happy, your happiness is irrelevant'. It took her a couple of months to organize a 'midday flit', but he came home from a camping trip to find her, their child, and half their belongings gone.

"You're not intelligent enough to finish your degree".

I still haven't finished it, but I'll start it again soon and this time I will finish it. Pretty sure he only said it because he was scared of being upstaged by me, which, frankly is pathetic.

He financially ruined me in the divorce despite being absolutely minted, so I couldn't finish it. If it's any proof of who has moved on, he's still living in the same house, he has the same job at the same organisation and he's single. I've moved to a different part of the country, had a couple of different jobs, now own a property and I've got married again.

When he told me his female colleague was taking him on a Carribbean holiday "just as a friend". Funnily enough that was a lightbulb moment.

This ended a friendship not a relationship, but, from the man who facilitated my introduction to and professional connection to the man who raped me, and who I subsequently found out was aware of his reputation:

"I thought you could handle him."

I think he (the ex-friend) still doesn't understand why things have never been the same.

"I can talk and read." when I asked him to put his book down and have a few minutes of conversation with me (forgot what about).

He did a number of other cuntish things before and after we split up but that was the moment I realised he had no interest in me. I was just handy to have around.

Jesus Tiramisu. So sorry.

Not nearly as bad as some of these but 'yeah ok maybe she is more than a friend' when 'D'H finally admitted a month ago he was having an affair after a few months of 'she's just a friend', 'it's all in your head' and 'people are shit stirring' etc etc.

DD (20 months) are I are on the way to figuring out how to be ok on our own while he moves to Dubai with OW. I know he's an arsehole and we're better off without him but it's hard to see a light at the end of the tunnel on the bad days.

to everyone you wonderful bunch.

"Please let me fuck Claire, it'll just be a bit of fun"

Still like a stab to the heart to this day .