Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Ex husband is dating a 16 year old, is it legal?

127 replies

SLA1978 · 10/09/2017 21:26

He is 43. I feel a bit sick about the whole thing... Is it legal? He is very open about it, so I assume it is.

Our children are supposed to be at his Friday-Monday, but she is frequently there at the weekends. I really don't feel comfortable about them being there.

I feel like I need to 'help' this girl... I don't think he would hurt her or anything, but I think it's fucking odd. She is still at school (only just gone into the sixth form though).

I don't really know what to do :(

OP posts:
Ceto · 10/09/2017 21:27

Yes, it's legal, unless he is her teacher.

chocolatespiders · 10/09/2017 21:27

I guess 16 is age of consent so is fine.

maxthemartian · 10/09/2017 21:28

It's legal but it's pretty grim.

TheNaze73 · 10/09/2017 21:29

Totally legal

Babyblues14 · 10/09/2017 21:29

Yes its legal. I would orobably be uncomfortable about my kids going too. Can you not talk to him and ask for her not to be there while your kids are there. I'm guessing they haven't been in a relationship for long anyway so it wouldn't be right for her to be meeting your children anyway

randomuntrainedcuntowner · 10/09/2017 21:29

Yuk. She's still at school ffs and is a child! She can't even drink alcohol. But yes I assume that it is in fact legal sadly...

StarfishSeahorse · 10/09/2017 21:29

It's legal, unfortunately. Do you know if her parents are aware? How old are your children?

stitchglitched · 10/09/2017 21:30

It's legal but it shouldn't be. Utterly grim.

SingingSeuss · 10/09/2017 21:31

I would be tempted to see if her parents are aware.

PaintingByNumbers · 10/09/2017 21:31

Gross

Original poster
SLA1978 · 10/09/2017 21:31

I have no idea if her parents are aware, but she seems to spend an awful lot of time with him.

Our children are 2, 5 and 8.

OP posts:
MadMags · 10/09/2017 21:33

What a fucking creep.

Unfortunately it's legal but situations like this makes me wish it wasn't.

NotTheDuchessOfCambridge · 10/09/2017 21:33

It's legal but it's not right. He's taking advantage. When I was 18 I had a bf who was 40, looking back I know it wasn't right. I thought I was a grown up but I wasn't, he totally manipulated me and I get very angry and ashamed when I think of the time we were together.

HopelesslydevotedtoGu · 10/09/2017 21:34

Are they there EOW? So he could see her the other weekends when they aren't there?

I think a sensible person would understand that introducing your DC to a much much younger new partner may be upsetting, and wait to see if the relationship stands the test of time first. Whilst your ex may not be sensible, it's not unreasonable of you to suggest he waits before introducing them.

And yes it sounds disgusting.

Love51 · 10/09/2017 21:34

16 is age of consent. But there was a recentish law passed making a relationship with 16-18yo illegal if you are in a position of authority like their scout leader or teacher. If he isn't, then no it isn't illegal. Doesn't mean it's right. Are her parents aware?
I remember a friend playing step mum at not much older than this. She tried her best but it seemed wrong to me even then. She was so desperate to prove how grown up she was, she was quite sensible during that relationship.

Original poster
SLA1978 · 10/09/2017 21:34

So there's nothing I can do? She looks so young :(

OP posts:
ConConstance · 10/09/2017 21:35

Unless he is in a position of trust involving her, no there's nothing you can do sadly

Original poster
SLA1978 · 10/09/2017 21:36

No, they're supposed to be there every weekend, it's 50/50 care. However, they haven't been for weeks. He refuses to not have her there... Claiming it's his right.

OP posts:
HettySunshine · 10/09/2017 21:36

I think, in your position, I would be tempted to tell her parents op. It's so grim and not right on any level.

AngelaKardashian · 10/09/2017 21:36

I hate this so much. Yes it's legal but it shouldn't be. I wouldn't want my children around that either.

LoyaltyAndLobster · 10/09/2017 21:37

It is legal, but it is something he shouldn't be doing!

MadMags · 10/09/2017 21:37

How did he even meet her?

AngelaKardashian · 10/09/2017 21:37

Also, if you've told him your kids won't be there while she is and he STILL insists on having her there, he is choosing his 16YO GF over his children. He sounds like a shitbag.

allthingsred · 10/09/2017 21:37

It is legal but gross.

HettySunshine · 10/09/2017 21:38

How long have they been together? Is there any possibility it started before she turned 16? Do you know how they met?