Ex husband is dating a 16 year old, is it legal?

[SLA1978]

He is 43. I feel a bit sick about the whole thing... Is it legal? He is very open about it, so I assume it is.

Our children are supposed to be at his Friday-Monday, but she is frequently there at the weekends. I really don't feel comfortable about them being there.

I feel like I need to 'help' this girl... I don't think he would hurt her or anything, but I think it's fucking odd. She is still at school (only just gone into the sixth form though).

I don't really know what to do :(

He sounds like a weirdo. That girl is only 8 years older than his child. Don't send the child until he sorts himself out, sounds like he's having some kind of breakdown.

Does 50/50 care where he gets all the weekends work for you?

Yes, it's legal. Vile, but legal. What a fucking sleazebag :(

Unfortunately, it doesn't work the best for me. I work all week and spend my weekends alone. These last few weeks have been lovely, some help in the week would be nice, but he does night shifts, so there isn't nursery for the 2 year old.

I don't know how he met her and have no idea who her parents are. I went to drop our 2 year old to him in the week, as he had chicken pox and couldn't go to nursery and in I come and she was there, it was a school day and I asked who's child that was and that's how I found out. She had just finished her exams, so was off school.

Always one who completely ignores the point of the thread and tries to find controversy for the sake of it!

I must confess my gut instinct is that even though it's legal he must have paedophilic tendencies

I hope he doesn't leave her in charge of the kids, she's a child herself..I would be very unhappy with that.

It's very worrying that he's sexually attracted to a school girl.

Loads of people will say it's not/point out that it's legal for a reason but I don't care. She's just past being a child, still is a child in a lot of ways.

He's vile.

Unless he is in a position of trust it is legal. Doesn't have to be her teacher. To answer no that's a possibility you will know what his job is.

This should be enough for you to pause the access and renegotiate. I wouldn't want my ex having 50/50 with my kids when he's dating a child himsef. I think if he's determined to have her around then reduced contact is the only way to go.

Ugh how disgusting. Try to find out her name and then contact her parents. She'll thank you in the long run.

Yup, it's morally suspect if not legally.

I say that as someone who met my now dh at 19 when he was 37.....but at that time I'd been living independently for three years, had got a promising job in a professional environment, was maintaining my own (council) flat etc.... So a different set of circumstances.

She can't even by a bottle of wine or a pack of fags legally, ffs.

Why not change the agreement anyway? Every weekend isnt fair to anyone.

I'd be speaking with social services. A man having a relationship with a 16 year old is not on the face of it unlawful, but raises questions about this girl's vulnerability and whether her consent (and capacity to consent) is valid. Someone at least needs to ensure that this girl understands what she is doing, and that she is not being coerced in any way.

It's legal but it's disgusting as well. What a perv. If she were my child I'd want to know.

Good call about ss bomb , I'd be concerned this started before she turned 16 and how he found her.

There may be other young girls his involved with too, she probably isn't the first.

SS a good idea. Hopefully they can even advise you.

Gawd That's awful.

I can't believe he's not even embarrassed.

I would be trying to find her parents and alert them.

What a sick pig. How can he?

Issue one: You need to change the contact 50/50 Is not you doing monday to friday and him having weekends. One parent shouldnt be doing all the grunt parenting and the other getting the down time. How was this decided?

Issue 2: it is legal. It is inappropriate. No idea ehat you can do thiugh as he sounds like a bully and im guessing a 16 year old girl is easier to manipulate.

Legal but gross. My DD is 16 I would go ballistic if she dated a 40 year old, wonder if her parents know they could be younger than him.

Grim

16 year old boy sleeps with his 15 year old girlfriend within a young but loving relationship and gets put on the sex offenders register.

43 year old man sleeps with a 16 year old schoolgirl and that's fine.

I KNOW there has to be a 'legal age' and it's designed to protect children, but I swear to god there should be a legal 'age gap' until you are 21 or something. I don't know - it's just stomach churning.

Urgh. DD took up with a 37 year old bloke when she was 16. It was an awful time and DH and I twisted ourselves in knots trying to decide how to handle it. In the end, she saw the light and dumped him when she was 18 (after a lot of drama). He immediately took up with another 16 year old and messaged DD on FB telling her she was past it at 18 and too fat

Sorry - unhelpful OP, but I agree with you that it's wrong on every level but the legal one.

SS is a good idea, or perhaps talk to your EX?? Is that even an option? Ask him how on earth he feels comfortable with it?

My husband of 18 years went off with a 16 year old.
She was actually younger than two of our kids.
I suspect she was younger when it started.
I was obviously disgusted but there really was nothing I could do legally.
He said that apparently all
Men wish that they could get with a girl that young but don't have "the guts" to do it. Oh how I fucking loathe the perverted bastard.
I was shocked at how his family and friends just accepted it.
Dd was a baby at the time and is now 15.
She has worked out the age thing as she's got older and swears blind that when she is 16 she will invent a fictitious 36 year old boyfriend to tell him about