Ex husband is dating a 16 year old, is it legal?

[SLA1978]

He is 43. I feel a bit sick about the whole thing... Is it legal? He is very open about it, so I assume it is.

Our children are supposed to be at his Friday-Monday, but she is frequently there at the weekends. I really don't feel comfortable about them being there.

I feel like I need to 'help' this girl... I don't think he would hurt her or anything, but I think it's fucking odd. She is still at school (only just gone into the sixth form though).

I don't really know what to do :(

Can you agree with him that new partners not be introduced / be around kids until the relationship is 6 months along.

You can suggest it but you can't make him agree

If your 2yo was ill and he was resting after a night shift, I'm pretty sure he'd have left her with the toddler (even just in another room).
As she is not an adult I'm assuming you may have some legs to stand on there?

As someone who had a relationship with a much older man at 17 I echo the posters saying he's an inadequate. He will be enjoying the power. Grim.

Oh good god is have died on the spot. He said that to you without batting an eye. It's not great but if she is 16 it's legal.

Im so sorry you are dealing with this.

When did she turn 16 ? Could it have been going on longer when she was 15 ?

Legal but weird. Barely an adult really.

How long have they been together?

I wouldn't feel comfortable sending my DC to a man who obviously finds children attractive.

She may be at the age of consent but in the eyes of the law she is still a child.

Grim but legal. Unlikely that SS would be interested in a situation where the girl is over the age of consent unless he is in a position of influence such as teacher, coach etc.

I had a 15 year old develop a crush on me when I was about 40, it was quite embarassing TBH. I knew her through sport; I had to stop that sport due to injury but a couple of years later this girl started doing a sport I had moved to. The crush was still there and she was being very obvious, it was still embarrassing but at the same time quite flattering, if I had been single I might have been tempted by that time she was approaching 18 though.

I would tell her parents, it is legal, but wholly inappropriate. I really feel for you, he's a manipulative creep.
I hope the girl has a Father who cares.

I would tell the school and her parents

I meant, tell the school so they can inform her parents

While it's morally reprehensible telling her parents and the school are unlikely to have any impact as neither of them are doing anything illegal. Legally she can even marry him if she wants to.

Your responsibility here is to your children, and I would use that angle and ask him how he would feel about his daughter being pursued by his mates down the pub when she's sixteen, and getting sexually involved with one of them.

biscuit I would REALLY want to know if my 16 yo dd was seeing a 43 year old man though, wouldn't you so her dad could go round and knock his head off?

Oh wow what a shock for you OP!

I agree with PP's. Tbh legal or not, I wouldn't be sending my children round and I'd be making some phone calls.

How long has this been going on? Did he tell you

Turns my stomach

Oh an also, damn right I would want to know if this was my daughter

Sick bastard

Well, I would expect them to know tbh, because if they don't know then I would be wondering how they were so out of touch with their sixteen year old that she seemingly spends every weekend staying over with this man and his children and the parents are oblivious.

It's far more likely that they do know and have decided not to rock the boat in the hopes that it will just run its course.

With the best will in the world, the OP isn't responsible for this girl. Yes the man is a creep, that's not in question, but she is legally of the age of consent. OP's responsibility here needs to be towards her own children, not towards someone she doesn't even know and doesn't know whether her parents are or aren't aware of the situation.

I don't condone violence and DH isn't a violent man but I think if that was one of our daughters my husband would be getting arrested...

Contact Children's services for a chat. They will not hold an informal chat without names though so you will have to disclose names etc.

I have child protection responsibility at work and I would expect them to take it seriously. She may be in the fare system already or known to be vulnerable.

Alternatively you could speak with her school.

At the least I'd get legal advice to renegotiate contact.

*Care system.

People are being incredibly naive if they think that the parents don't know and that a call from the OP is going to inform them of something they have been blissfully unaware of until now.

OP states that the girl has been staying over there every weekend. Where do people suppose the parents think she is on those weekends?

If the parents genuinely are unaware then I'd say that the girl has far greater issues than the fact she's entered into a relationship with a 43 year old, and speaking to the parents could well make that worse not better.

The OP needs to look at the things she potentially can control, and speak to a solicitor with regard to stopping contact on the basis of this relationship. But even then there are sadly no guarantees.

If she is in the U.S. It would be illegal (in some states anyhow)

She is still young, just got out of her adjusting period from being a child to a teen. Now she is working her way up to being an adult. And their body is still adjusting (not the best time to be accidentally pregnant)

I wonder how her parents feel

Its grim.

BUT he shouldn't be having the DC every weekend anyway, because otherwise you don't get any "fun" time with them. EOW is far more normal.

Do we know she has or lives with parents?

Or that they are adequately parenting her?

Having worked within children's services sadly looked after young girls fall into exactly this pattern of relationship and it may even be the tip of the iceberg.