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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Hotel booking on DP's online banking

402 replies

Emboo19 · 30/08/2017 08:12

Just been onto the online banking to transfer some money from DP's account to our joint one (he knows I'm doing this). He's the one who signed up to the online banking but he gave me log in details and I can see the joint account and his own account, my own account is with a different bank. (Sorry going on a bit, just want to explain how I've seen what I've see).

Anyway, usually he just transfers any money I need from his mobile, but he's busy and said for me to log on and do it, I'm going holiday shopping today and needed some extra. Then this part I'm not proud of.....it's my birthday soon and I had a sneaky look at his recent transactions, to try see what he's bought me (I know that's really, really bad!)
I noticed last week there's a payment to a hotel, which is the same hotel he's staying in at the moment, he's working away. His hotel is paid for by his work, but they share so two men to a room. The charge is the same as a double room for one night at that hotel.

Is there any possible explanation (other than the obvious) that he'd have for booking his own room for a night? I really can't think of one right now, but then I'm struggling to think of anything other than killing him right now!
And how do I speak to him about it? Wait until he's home Friday or ask over the phone?

OP posts:
babybigapple · 30/08/2017 18:56

You didn't answer my post about being the OP who had a random woman messaging saying she'd slept with your DP on a night out and you were very quick to believe your DP hadn't done anything wrong. Were you snooping because you don't trust him?

Original poster
Emboo19 · 30/08/2017 19:05

Sorry babybigapple I'd only quickly skimmed the replies when I stopped to feed DD and didn't see it. Yes, I am that poster he definitely didn't do anything then, I know that 100% and felt like I knew it from the start. I just questioned myself. I don't get that same feeling he's definitely not done something this time though and I'm not sure why. The other situation probably looked a lot worse from a outside perspective, but this feels different.
But no I wasn't snooping because I don't trust him.

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 30/08/2017 19:14

A random woman messaging saying she'd slept with your DP on a night out

Mmmmm
This would make me more suspicious. His being away in the week is a perfect situation to play away .

mirialis · 30/08/2017 19:19

it's not a suits and business meetings role, he doesn't get expences as such, just meal allowance and to get that they need receipts for food, but still only get a set amount back. If he booked another room because of snoring he'd be paying for it himself, he wouldn't be able to claim it back. At more than £100 pound I really don't see him doing that, he'd rather go sleep in the van.

I get this, which is why all the "maybe they had an extra person for the conference and he had to do x, y, z" is off the mark.

If you can't wait, then you'll have to do it by FaceTime. You need to see his reaction either way - it really, really could be innocent. Just go with your gut with the way he reacts and if you need to do a little more investigating after the conversation, so be it. (I've not seen previous thread about your suspicions).

AnyFucker · 30/08/2017 19:46

The other info makes me swing the other way now

One incident can be a mistake. Two starts to look like a pattern....

babybigapple · 30/08/2017 19:55

Emboo19 I lurked on that thread and have seen some of your other comments on other threads and it does feel a bit like your DP can do no wrong. Even if the OW thread definitely didn't happen I struggle to see why anyone would accuse someone who was whiter than white you know?

BackieJerkhart · 30/08/2017 20:09

Thanks for the heads up BackieJerhart do they show the user name if they print it in the fail or likewise?

Yes they do unfortunately. They post usernames and even screenshots of the posts.

RonSwansonsMoustache · 30/08/2017 20:29

I'm sorry OP, but I would be really suspicious.

I've read lots of your posts before (long-time lurker, not a stalker!) and you seem very sweet but slightly naive when it comes to your DP's behaviour. He's already been accused of sleeping with another woman, and now he's working away and booking hotel rooms for no reason?

I'm sorry but I would definitely be thinking "affair" or at the very least, a one-night-stand. Even without the previous history it's all a bit suspicious.

People can say he'd be really stupid to show you his bank account if he was charging hotel rooms or whatever to his card, but people have done far stupider things while cheating (texting their wife instead of the OW, for example).

Be wary.

mirialis · 30/08/2017 20:50

The other info makes me swing the other way now

One incident can be a mistake. Two starts to look like a pattern

Sorry OP but have to agree. With no prior knowledge of your previous threads - which i still haven't looked at - your posst had me on "amber". From the allusions that have been going on latterly. I'm on "red alert" and think you really need to deal with this carefully in order not to get gaslighted into accepting a dubious explanation. I know this is our real life scenario and not a trashy article and is horrible. Flowers

mirialis · 30/08/2017 20:51

your not our

sonjadog · 30/08/2017 21:11

I really wouldn´t be suspicious of this. It might be a deposit on the room that will be refunded when he checks out. It´s very common at check in. In a few days the amount is removed - that´s why you wouldn´t see it there from previous occasions.

I think it is unlikely that he has another woman there. As others mentioned, what about the 9 other men on the trip - would it not be more than a little awkward with them around? Also, if there is another woman, surely it would be for more than one night of a longer stay? And finally, I don´t think he´d give you so easy access to his account if he was spending money on another woman.

mirialis · 30/08/2017 21:17

^ honestly.

Are people really unable to think properly?

OP's DH never has to hand his card over - it's just not something someone does in his role.

Yes, IF and it's a big if, something was going on (i.e. a one night stand) it would be a little awkward with the other men which is why they book their own rooms when it happens.

He did not giver her easy access to his account - he tried to sort out the payment without her having to go into his joint account. The hotel internet was shit and he couldn't make the transfer, so was obliged to give her the log in details to go into the joint account, and she then - which she hasn't done in the past so wouldn't occur to him that she would do now - chose to open the associated personal account and have a look at the transactions. She easily could have carried out the transfer without doing that, as she has done before, and he did not expect her to look at the transactions in his PERSONAL account.

Original poster
Emboo19 · 30/08/2017 21:25

Well he facetimed and I asked him. He pretended he didn't know what I was talking about at first, then remembered and ended the FaceTime, phoned back saying the wifi was bad and it was easier to talk this way, more like so I couldn't see his lying cheating bastarding face!
He says he'd forgotten all about it and had meant to tell me about it, it was supposedly for someone else. I know he's not telling me the truth though. I always wondered if I'd be able to tell and I can, I just know he's lying. I could see it in his face when I mentioned it and even when he stopped FaceTime I could hear it in his voice.
He's not telling me anything more though, he's adamant he hasn't done anything and he's phoning and texting, begging me to believe him.

I've sat and checked his email and I know his social media log in so was just sat logging into that. Then I thought, what the fuck am I doing.
Now I'm going to pack mine and DD's things and we're going to my parents.

OP posts:
BannedFromNarnia · 30/08/2017 21:27

Oh goodness, I'm so sorry. What a scumbag.

Original poster
Emboo19 · 30/08/2017 21:27

I do know for definite nothing happened with the other women I posted about though. She admitted it was to get at me and then carried on stalking me for a while before I had to involve the police.

OP posts:
Cambionome · 30/08/2017 21:29

Very sorry to hear that op. Sad

Original poster
Emboo19 · 30/08/2017 21:35

His latest texts say he's getting the train home. So he's so innocent, but he'll miss two days of work and pay for a train home.

My mums coming to collect us as I'm feeling a bit angry and not sure driving on quite rural roads is a good idea right now.

OP posts:
babybigapple · 30/08/2017 21:40

Sorry OP, smells so fishy. He'd have to have some pretty solid evidence to prove it was for someone else considering how he's reacting - he knows how bad it looks.

OliviaBenson · 30/08/2017 21:42

His reaction says it all. He doesn't even respect you enough to come clean. Sorry op.

namechange987 · 30/08/2017 21:47

I'm sorry Emboo. Good idea to get your Mum to collect you. I'm glad you have her to support you. Don't forget to pack passports and DDs birth certificate and any other important documents. Try not to communicate with him while you're so angry. Maybe just tell him you need some space and to give you time to go to him if/when you want to.

mirialis · 30/08/2017 22:44
Flowers

You are not stupid so please trust you are making the right call here. Glad you mum is coming for you and DD.

MyOtherProfile · 30/08/2017 23:26

How long will it take him to get home? Are you going to wait and see him? Thinking of you OP.

Anotherbrew · 31/08/2017 00:20

Glad you are going to your mum's OK. What an idiot, nothing worse than a liar. Take care of yourself.

Shelle8 · 31/08/2017 00:44

Sadsorry to read this, defo can tell when someone is lying 🤥 I feel for you xxx

BlondeB83 · 31/08/2017 00:52

Just ask him!

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