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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Hotel booking on DP's online banking

402 replies

Emboo19 · 30/08/2017 08:12

Just been onto the online banking to transfer some money from DP's account to our joint one (he knows I'm doing this). He's the one who signed up to the online banking but he gave me log in details and I can see the joint account and his own account, my own account is with a different bank. (Sorry going on a bit, just want to explain how I've seen what I've see).

Anyway, usually he just transfers any money I need from his mobile, but he's busy and said for me to log on and do it, I'm going holiday shopping today and needed some extra. Then this part I'm not proud of.....it's my birthday soon and I had a sneaky look at his recent transactions, to try see what he's bought me (I know that's really, really bad!)
I noticed last week there's a payment to a hotel, which is the same hotel he's staying in at the moment, he's working away. His hotel is paid for by his work, but they share so two men to a room. The charge is the same as a double room for one night at that hotel.

Is there any possible explanation (other than the obvious) that he'd have for booking his own room for a night? I really can't think of one right now, but then I'm struggling to think of anything other than killing him right now!
And how do I speak to him about it? Wait until he's home Friday or ask over the phone?

OP posts:
Myhomeismycastle · 31/08/2017 03:48

His reaction, to me, says it all Confused the 'I don't know what you're talking about' is a delay tactic to have some thinking time and to think of a good lieMy DH uses the 'pardon, what did you say' tactic to gain such thinking time.

Of course wifi is going to be 'crap' he doesn't want you to see his face whilst lying.

I can spot a lie with my DH a thousand miles away, & you probably can too OP.

Follow your gut feeling, it's there for a reason.

CheckpointCharlie2 · 31/08/2017 07:12

That's really gutting op. At least you know now but I'm sorry you are going through this.

emilybrontescorset · 31/08/2017 07:58

Hi op
I just wanted to say from your initial post that I suspected he had booked the room to sleep with another woman.
So many people are unfaithful but the naysayers would have us believe otherwise.
Take care of yourself as your dp will start to backpedal like mad and try his best to derail you.
You know the truth.
Do not listen to any of his slimy excuses.
People cheat because they enjoy it full stop.
no matter what happens do only what is best for YOU.
Keep posting for support.

Emboo19 · 31/08/2017 08:28

He got home in the early hours of the morning. I'm at my parents so haven't seen him.
I turned my phone off last night to try sleep, so I had a lot of missed calls and messages from him. He'd guessed I'd come home and he's spoken to my dad on the phone, he didn't tell him anything much, just asked if I was there and if I was ok.

He's coming round in a bit and says he'll tell me the truth, so we shall see..

Nothing on his email or social media or anything else, no other dodgy transactions on his banking. I really don't know what to think, I just know he's keeping something from me.

OP posts:
KitKat1985 · 31/08/2017 08:36

Sorry you're going through this Emboo. Flowers

hellsbellsmelons · 31/08/2017 08:40

Well I would imagine it will be the usual cheaters script he trots out.
We only kissed..
OK, it was only a blow job...
OK, we only did it that one time...
Etc.....
As I said before you do not need to fill the silences.
Make him squirm, let him do all the talking.
I really hope you get some answers, but I don't think you will.
He'll only admit to what he absolutely has to.
I'm glad you have some RL support around you.

Prusik · 31/08/2017 08:45

Thank goodness you have the support of your parents!

CredulousThickos · 31/08/2017 08:45

I'm so sorry. What an arse.

plank · 31/08/2017 08:54

Good on you for being strong! So there is a truth...

onanotherday · 31/08/2017 09:09

FlowersOP... Don't agree to anything...take time...read The Script before you are him.
Good luck

SleepFreeZone · 31/08/2017 09:22

Interesting that he came straight home if he did nothing.

SandyY2K · 31/08/2017 09:34

I'm sorry to hear this. Hopefully you'll get the truth.

I know you said the woman confessed to lying last time, but I've known the MM to get his OW to tell a lie to get him out of a tricky situation.

JustMumNowNotMe · 31/08/2017 09:37

Another one saying be prepared for minimising and probably passing the blame onto you, saying he felt neglected blah blah blah. This is going to be hell, but you can get through this OP. Say nothing, make him talk, the less you say the more he will say guaranteed. I am so very sorry Flowers

JennyLane · 31/08/2017 10:13

Good luck OP

pigeondujour · 31/08/2017 10:30

Hope you're alright, OP. Flowers

mumof06darlings · 31/08/2017 10:39

I have been following your post and just wanted to wish you the best of luck. Be strong 💐

Duckhead · 31/08/2017 10:48

Hope it's all a big misunderstanding OP

Emboo19 · 31/08/2017 10:58

I'm really not sure where to start or if I should even post. I really truly never thought I'd be dealing with this from him.

I do think he's telling me the truth though for what that's worth and he's in no way blaming me.
There was a OW, one night but that's not the hotel booking as such. Apparently a group of them not DP (or ex dp as he's now known) have on occasion booked spare rooms to use for their extra marital stuff. He used one of the said rooms one night, a women he'd seen a few times at the gym and then met when out. He says he was drunk and it was only the once and all that.
I do think he's telling the truth, not that it really matters.
So he owed a room back, apparently the others have been giving him stick over it and kept saying he needed to chip in from now on, so last week he said I'll just pay this one and that's it!

So I guess that's that! I take some comfort in the fact he liked a hell of a lot worse than me. He's done the sorry and he'll do anything crap, but I think he knew before he came that, that was it.

I don't know what to really do next. He's taken DD for a bit and I've told him he's to go tell his mum what he's done. My dads going to take me to get my car and some more of our things.

I can't stop crying, I keep switching between being heartbroken and seriously wanting to hurt him. I think it would be almost easier if he says he'd fallen in love with someone else, but to destroy our relationship and chance of being a family for a mediocre one night stand. I hate him and I hate that I love him even more.

OP posts:
BeauMirchoff · 31/08/2017 11:02

Oh. My. God.
I'm so sorry. So so sorry, OP. I have tears in my eyes. I wish I could give you a hug right now. Your DP is an absolute dick. You deserve someone so much better than this Flowers

gustofwind · 31/08/2017 11:05

OP, that is really grim. So sorry you are going through this.. I have no wise words.

What a bastard he is.

Be kind to yourself.

mirialis · 31/08/2017 11:06

Oh love, I'm so sorry to hear this Flowers

Sadly, this is an all too common scenario when groups of blokes are away together.

What an absolute dick.

While I'm sorry to hear that your instincts were right, at least you know you can trust them.

Prusik · 31/08/2017 11:07

What a dick. Look after yourself op Flowers

mirialis · 31/08/2017 11:08

And really sorry to mention when you're getting your head round this... you might need to think about getting STD checked.

Chloe421 · 31/08/2017 11:10

I'm so sorry that you are in this situation.
What a shit. Try to stay focused and be kind to yourself.

VIX1820 · 31/08/2017 11:13

OP I've been following this thread and I just want to say I'm so sorry. I've been through something similar recently so I know how you feel. Time to be strong x