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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Hotel booking on DP's online banking

402 replies

Emboo19 · 30/08/2017 08:12

Just been onto the online banking to transfer some money from DP's account to our joint one (he knows I'm doing this). He's the one who signed up to the online banking but he gave me log in details and I can see the joint account and his own account, my own account is with a different bank. (Sorry going on a bit, just want to explain how I've seen what I've see).

Anyway, usually he just transfers any money I need from his mobile, but he's busy and said for me to log on and do it, I'm going holiday shopping today and needed some extra. Then this part I'm not proud of.....it's my birthday soon and I had a sneaky look at his recent transactions, to try see what he's bought me (I know that's really, really bad!)
I noticed last week there's a payment to a hotel, which is the same hotel he's staying in at the moment, he's working away. His hotel is paid for by his work, but they share so two men to a room. The charge is the same as a double room for one night at that hotel.

Is there any possible explanation (other than the obvious) that he'd have for booking his own room for a night? I really can't think of one right now, but then I'm struggling to think of anything other than killing him right now!
And how do I speak to him about it? Wait until he's home Friday or ask over the phone?

OP posts:
pimmsy · 15/09/2017 19:32

@Emboo19

I've just read your whole thread.... I think you are one inspirational amazing woman.

Original poster
Emboo19 · 15/09/2017 19:55

Thank you Mumek and I'm really glad that forgiving worked out for you. Although it's not for me, I'm sure for many people it can be for the best. I know myself too well though and I'd end up throwing it back in his face every argument and it would change how I am in the relationship and I wouldn't want that.

I really don't feel it pimmsy I don't think I've ever cried so much!

I do have an amazingly supportive family and friends though, honestly can't imagine going through something like this without anyone. And not forgetting the wonderful support I've had on here, in a lot of ways it's been easier to express myself on here as my friends and family know him and to some degree will still have a relationship/contact with him and I don't want it to be anymore awkward than it already is.

OP posts:
flutterby12 · 15/09/2017 20:00

Hi OP. Just caught up. What an inspirational young lady you are, you are a fantastic role-model to your daughter. Enjoy university x

JenniferYellowHat1980 · 15/09/2017 20:45

OP you are so articulate and you have such a good head on your shoulders. I think you're great Grin

JenniferYellowHat1980 · 15/09/2017 20:47

What I meant to add before posting too soon is that I think your DD. An have two parents who can be friends in future. He has been stupidness knows what he's lost. You are too wise to believe he'd never be so again. At least he's not being a cunt about it. So many men are. Good luck all of you for your future as a different sort of family.

JenniferYellowHat1980 · 15/09/2017 20:47

your DD can have

Original poster
Emboo19 · 16/09/2017 08:06

I really hope that's the case Jennifer. I don't want us to have to be handing her over at the door and only communicating via email or birthdays, Christmas, holidays etc being awkward and timetabled to the hour. He says he doesn't want that either.
It's just difficult right now, it hurts to see him and part of me wants to avoid him completely, the other part of me wants us to start as we mean to go on. Yesterday was a good day, but it was obvious we were both a bit awkward and it was all a bit forced. 11 month olds won't pick up on that though, will they?
And no he's not being a cunt. In regards to money and contac, he's being really great. He's paying more than he legally as to and is still going to pay for her nursery fees separately to what he gives me. I really don't see that changing, his own dad left his mum with nothing and even when he was struggling with parenthood, there was never any questions about him supporting her financially.

OP posts:
OnionKnight · 16/09/2017 16:51

This must be a world record in regards to separating and sorting maintenance.

Jg1 · 16/09/2017 17:20

Yes OnionKnight, luckily for OP it is.

Or were you being sarcastic/troll hunting??

Original poster
Emboo19 · 16/09/2017 20:32

This must be a world record in regards to separating and sorting maintenance.

Really @OnionKnight does that mean we get a medal or something?

Tbf we didn't really have a awful lot to sort, no joint assets as such, the house is his. I moved back home and DD already has everything she needs here. Maintenance wise, we had a similar set up before we moved in together so it was case of going back to that really. I looked at the calculator online and advised he did the same, he offered x amount I agreed. He wouldn't gain anything by messing me around with it, other than annoy me. And he's still very much trying not to do that.

OP posts:
FiveBoys · 16/09/2017 20:42

This must be a world record in regards to separating and sorting maintenance

Are you one of the posters over at Reddit who think the Op is a troll?

Is your army with you?

dontstophelping · 16/09/2017 21:14

Here op Star.

Not a medal but a star because you do actually deserve it. You've amazingly remained so calm and because of this the transition for your daughter will be so much easier.

And you in the long run.

nameohnameohname · 17/09/2017 10:08

I separated from my husband of 11 years on a Monday night. It was not amicable. By Tuesday we'd sorted maintenance and contact so thoroughly it worked for the next 16 years until the DCs left home.
It can be sorted really quickly.

WTAFF · 19/09/2017 10:03

How are you doing OP?

Original poster
Emboo19 · 20/09/2017 18:20

I'm doing ok thanks WTAFF although I think freshers week might actually kill me! And I did end up at my ex' house the other night, well it was 5am in the morning actually and I spent the following two hours throwing up in his bathroom, really classy and dignified!!

OP posts:
Peaches77 · 03/10/2017 21:34

Hope all is going good for you OP!

midnightmisssuki · 03/10/2017 23:25

Sorry you're going through a shitty time op - but i think you have done really well so far, and at such a young age too. Very level headed!

enjoy singapore OP - I am from there and it is stunning! i also used to work in a hotel so i know all the good touristy places and secret hideaways you should visit!

EnTsa · 10/10/2017 09:55

Well OP, you seem to be shutting down suggestions of versions where he did not cheat. Dont know what exactly you want to hear then.

EnTsa · 10/10/2017 10:02

Oh, i realize i had posted prematurely. I just got caught up on your thread. Sorry that you are going through all this. (flowers)

Jg1 · 10/10/2017 14:58

EnTsa

OP posted a new thread recently. I think it's safe to say she was enjoying single life, Thresher's and a cheeky MaccyD's breakfast! GrinWink

Mumek · 07/11/2017 12:00

is there a link to the new thread EnTsa ?

Original poster
Emboo19 · 08/11/2017 14:48

Hi @Mumek there isn’t a new thread. I’d just foolishly posted about something else, which I asked to be deleted.
I’m good though, really enjoying uni and dd seems to have settled into her new routine now, so all good.

OP posts:
Ellendegeneres · 08/11/2017 18:19

Emboo I've just read your thread and you're amazing. What are you studying at uni?
How is it going with the coparenting?

Original poster
Emboo19 · 08/11/2017 20:05

English lit.

It’s going well, a few little bumps but we’ve managed to resolve them. I actually think he’s a becoming a better father due to doing more for/with dd alone.

It still hurts that he did what he did and I do still miss him, but I don’t want him back and can’t imagine I ever will.
I think I realise now I was just too young when we got together and if I’m completely honest I don’t think we’d have made it through me being at uni together.

OP posts:
Gemini69 · 08/11/2017 20:15

well done for continuing with your Uni plans Lady Flowers