Emotionally drained.

[LoyaltyAndLobster]

I have posted about this before, but after a few comments I asked for the thread to be deleted because I felt as I was betraying him, if you love someone you’d never post about them on an online forum where people are going to make nasty comments, right?

I need to let it out, well I am now.. I just want some advice from genuine people.

I do everything for him.
He is selfish
He is unsupportive
He doesn’t spend much time with DS
I feel as if I am a single parent

Every conversation we have is brief or forced... by me.

When he is at home, it feels like he is just part of the furniture. The only time it feels as if we are in a relationship and love affection is shown is in the bedroom.

He is NOT physically, mentally or verbally abusive.
We never argue
I trust him

Yesterday he returned back from holiday, which is the third holiday he has taken since the end of term – Today was our sons 6th birthday, before he left he said that he had planned a little surprise for DS (just the two of them) then afterwards the three of us would go and do something special (which I was looking forward to myself, as DS suffers from anxiety, and is very anxious when it comes to leaving the house and being outside – but is fine if he knows dad is coming too)

DP woke up this morning and said that he was still tired (yes I understand that he might have been jet lagged) and that he has bad muscle pain (he never complained about this when he got home yesterday) then went back to sleep. I am not angry at him, I am disappointed, but it is ok because DS had a nice day today.

I'm emotionally drained I don’t know how much more I can take of this and how I am going to cope when DS2 is born, because I am not going to be able to do everything myself.

I don’t want to read LTB – I just want advice on how this relationship can be fixed, as it is not YET broken.

"I am very worried and I would really like his reassurance but I don't want to bring it up."

You are walking on eggshells. This is not normal.

In a healthy relationship you should be able to express your concerns, and you should expect that your partner would make a decent effort to reassure you and/or work through your feelings.

A partner who cares about you doesn't ask tell you to lie to others about the condition of your relationship.

I hope things work out for you, Loyalty. Great that things are ok at the moment.
I suggested to a RL friend recently to set a deadline for change in her situation -
so if the other person in her life hadn't made sufficient effort/progress by that date she could then go ahead and move on with her own plans. The other person is not aware of the deadline. It can be as simple as saying to yourself 'I'll see what way things are going until DS has finished Y1.' If all is well, that's great, if it's not you can put another plan in place.

@Apileofballyhoo - Thank you very much, things are still good between me and him except he won't give me any space e.g if I'm sitting down he wants to sit right next to me, if I want to take a shower he wants to come in with me as well, if I am cooking he wants to help, the list goes on 😔 I do appreciate him being around and spending more time in the house, but I need my own space for the past two days I have been feeling a bit unstable but I am just going to put it down to my hormones.

Sounds like he is really trying to make an effort! Perhaps you could suggest he spends some one on one time with DS. That way you get some space and DS gets extra Dad time. It might be useful to get DS used to some extra one on one time with his DF now so he's quite used to that when DS2 arrives.

Sometimes my DH irritates me when I need my own space so I get how you are feeling! And you've been through quite a lot emotionally while also being pregnant so you're bound to be a bit all over the place. Just concentrate on looking after yourself, you'll need all your energy when DS2 arrives.

@Apileofballyhoo - He is, I am very very happy with him, he has taken DS away for the weekend (they will be back this evening) I am feeling a lot better now that I've had some time to myself.

We all need a break - DH has been working from home a lot and DS was off school sick and I felt like they were both talking at me incessantly the past few days. Looking forward to my own space on Monday!

Sounds like your DP has taken things on board. I read your other thread about DS's lunch being taken. It seems to me you are extremely gentle and considerate yourself and expect the same from others - unfortunately the world is full of people who are not! I am not assertive either and it takes a lot for me to stand up for my DS/myself when it has to be done as I don't like causing a fuss and if it was for myself I probably wouldn't bother a lot of the time.

Hello @Apileofballyhoo - I didn’t realise that you had commented on here, sorry. I hope you and are ok and your DS is ok now too. Yes another child has been taking his lunch, like I said in the other thread I didn’t mind as the food would have only got thrown away in the bin. People are making me feel as if I am weak as a parent because I didn’t want to confront the teacher about what has been happening, I hope you can understand why... if a teacher was to approach me and tell me my son was taking other children’s lunch I would be so embarrassed, and I don’t want his parents to feel that way. I am going to request a call back from his teacher on Monday and hopefully the situation can be sorted out.

OP - I’ve just read the full thread and am really sorry you are living through such a horrible time. I would suggest a visit to a solicitor to get advice about how you can retain the house on your own. Abuse takes many forms and you and your DS are suffering because of it.

I wish you and your DS’s well and hope that you can move on from this.

@Parker231 - If you had read the full thread you would know that things are now fine between me and DP.

Loyalty - unfortunately I don’t think that will continue. His behavior isn’t normal.

@Parker231 - I am sorry I didn’t ask for your opinion or what you think is going to happen.

Nobody has commented on this thread for a while except for @Apileofballyhoo, and she didn’t bring up anything from what has been happening in the past, so I don’t understand why you would comment on here, I don’t need this kind of negativity from a stranger. I am very happy with DP at moment and that’s all I’ve got to say.

Hi Loyalty

DS is fine thankfully. It's a tricky one, learning when to speak up or let things go - you often see people on MN asking what to do because they don't want to be what they refer to as 'that parent'. But I think it would be very unusual to do through all the years of school without having to go and sort out things at some stage! DS loves his teachers but it's still far easier for him to tell me his worries or upsets than tell a teacher. It's up to me to make a judgement call then, whether to advise him on what to do and monitor as best I can or if I need to talk to his teacher straight away. It's easy for others to jump in saying you should have done this or that when they have the benefit of hindsight.

@LoyaltyAndLobster
Just wondering how you are. I couldn't figure out how to PM you, and then when I did it said I couldn't, so I don't know if you have PMs turned off. Hope things are ok.