Emotionally drained.

[LoyaltyAndLobster]

I have posted about this before, but after a few comments I asked for the thread to be deleted because I felt as I was betraying him, if you love someone you’d never post about them on an online forum where people are going to make nasty comments, right?

I need to let it out, well I am now.. I just want some advice from genuine people.

I do everything for him.
He is selfish
He is unsupportive
He doesn’t spend much time with DS
I feel as if I am a single parent

Every conversation we have is brief or forced... by me.

When he is at home, it feels like he is just part of the furniture. The only time it feels as if we are in a relationship and love affection is shown is in the bedroom.

He is NOT physically, mentally or verbally abusive.
We never argue
I trust him

Yesterday he returned back from holiday, which is the third holiday he has taken since the end of term – Today was our sons 6th birthday, before he left he said that he had planned a little surprise for DS (just the two of them) then afterwards the three of us would go and do something special (which I was looking forward to myself, as DS suffers from anxiety, and is very anxious when it comes to leaving the house and being outside – but is fine if he knows dad is coming too)

DP woke up this morning and said that he was still tired (yes I understand that he might have been jet lagged) and that he has bad muscle pain (he never complained about this when he got home yesterday) then went back to sleep. I am not angry at him, I am disappointed, but it is ok because DS had a nice day today.

I'm emotionally drained I don’t know how much more I can take of this and how I am going to cope when DS2 is born, because I am not going to be able to do everything myself.

I don’t want to read LTB – I just want advice on how this relationship can be fixed, as it is not YET broken.

@Tatiana1986

Perhaps you feel like you will let your parents down by becoming a single mother?

Yes, it took me very long to introduce him to my dad. I have the type of dad(well I thought I did) that would never approve of any guy that introduced him to. But to my shock when I did introduce him to my dad he called later that day and said that he is happy.

Beginning of the year my dad decided to move to Dubai he said he wouldn't be moving if he didn't trust my DP.

I love DP and I also will simple reason he has given me my son and my unborn, I will never stop loving him, I guess the only thing I love about him is the way he looks... I'm not in love with him anymore.

Loyalty you sound like such a lovely and loving person and it's clear that this situation is causing you a lot of hurt.
It's very easy as a woman to put others first and put your needs last, it's in our conditioning and I'm one of the worst people pleasers and so I know how easy it can be to minimise when other people are mistreating or disrespecting you.
I know you love your husband and want your marriage to work but it takes two to make a marriage successful and if he' not willing or able to be the man you deserve then at some point you need to start thinking about whats best for you and your children.
I really wish you the best because you deserve much more than this.

@MrsDoylesTeabags - Thank you for the nice comments

For what it's worth, 7 months after leaving my partner who sounds similar to yours, I still love him. But my day to day life in general is better. I am no longer treated badly on a daily basis. I wouldn't say I'm happy, because I have a long way to go. But it is possible to leave. And I have nothing in terms of money. Left with my clothes and a few bits of furniture. My partner too would punish my kids if I stepped out of line.

@knobblykneesandturnedouttoes - He has apologised he said he was annoyed at me telling his parents because I know what they are like, he said once we have moved and settle down in the new house he will take me and DS somewhere nice for the weekend.

DS hasn't been too good, he refused school yesterday and also today, as I opened the front door for us to leave he started screaming, I have never seen him like that before it was like he was screaming out of fright, it took a while for me to calm him down then he feel asleep.

He woke up upset this morning the first thing he said is that he didn't want to go school.. I said that he can have the day off today but has to go in tomorrow. He said something worrying whilst in the kitchen, he wanted me to shut the windows and the pull the blinds down "because I don't them to come in the house" he wouldn't tell me who "them" were.

So he is going to simply solve the issue by taking you away - is he going to help more go away less?

Have you gotten professional advice

@Quartz2208 - No I haven't seeked any advice regarding him, and I am scared that if there is less of him being around DS is going to get worst.

What are the school saying regarding his refusal

You need professional guidance to sort out exactly what is going on

@Quartz2208 - I never went into too much detail with them, I told them he isn't feeling too good.

Yes I need to get to the route of the problem, I am going to discuss it with the therapist.

Did he manage to go back in at all?

Just a thought do you think his dad not speaking to him for a day had this effect as well. You need to address it start getting him more help

Hello @Quartz2208 - He went to school yesterday and also today, yesterday morning he woke up and said he wants to go to school because he has missed his friends, he has been fine in school but very miserable at home and a lot of tears but he just won't tell me what's wrong

I took him to his therapy session today, whilst waiting he got very upset and said that he wanted to home we so left.

I don't think dad not calling for a week has had an effect, it is very hard, upsetting and frustrating not knowing why he keeps on getting upset.

Just an update - DP is back now, he arrived back in a bad mood for some reason... he said that he is annoyed that I spoke to his mum because I had no right to do so, and he also said that he doesn't feel as if he can trust me, and that I need call his mum and tell her that me and him have spoken about things and sorted it out!

But we haven't... now I am feeling guilty for telling his mum, I really wish I didn't because I can see it putting a strain on our relationship.

calling for a day sorry typo

He just doesn't get it. Stand up to him say it's not sorted and it's up to him.

Then tell him that your relationship needs to go on the back burner because your Ds is in trouble and needs both his parents help

I'm getting really tired of this, I never thought I'd feel like this or say this but I want out of this relationship!

You need to make plans to leave. Now you see the damage it's doing to your son and in all of your last post about him coming home he appears not to have had any concern for his sons wellbeing and more worried about what you told his mum!!
You and he deserve better.

@Hairgician - Exactly... leave and go where, we move into our new home in two days time. I don't want him coming with us!

Time to pull up your big girl pants and tell you want out as it's not working and tell him to go to his mums. You need space while you sort things. The house stuff can be sorted easily. Your son however, not so if this continues. Your priority is him. Its clearly not your dp priority.

If I were to tell him to go to his mums he would probably see it as an insult. The house stuff can not be sorted easily as we own half each.

I need to have a think about what I am going to say and do next, I'm getting very stressed out I wish I would have kept my mouth shut.

What I meant by that was the house stuff would be easier to sort than the damage your son will suffer if you don't do something. Like I said he is the priority not the house.
If you can't make him go then get you and ds to a friend's house til you can sort something . Don't let him beat you. So what if he's insulted. Fuck him. He does not give a flying fuck about you or his son. That much has been clear since your first post!!

@Hairgician - Good morning, I am not willing to go to someone else's house until we sort something out, I do not see why I should so I'm not going to.

HAve you spoken to him, told him this, gotten angry yet about it?

@Quartz2208 - We didn't speak yesterday because he went to bed, he got up this morning and said he will take DS to school.

Me getting "angry" is not going to better the situation. I will speak to him when he comes back from taking DS to school.

Normally I would agree but I think you are so tightly wound up and have kept so much in letting it out I think might help. Keeping emotions so tightly in is not healthy (trust me I have seen what can happen when you do)

@Quartz2208 - I am still wound up, he told me that his mum called him and said that she wants us to both go round to the house, he then said that the only way he can see us moving forward is if I call her and tell her that I am not feeling too well and that we have spoken and everything is fine now and we will invite her around to the new house soon.

I have called her, and we still haven't spoken because he has now gone out.

That is my point I think you are so tightly wound up its not good for you to keep it all in

Have you told her everything is fine (does he believe everything is fine)

and hold on he has not actually worked today either?