Thanks everyone for the the good wishes, I was thinking of you all on the way there!
It started off with him saying the same old things, being negative and being quite vague. When I pressed him his issues did start to finally come out. They are basically:
1 - He feels we are more housemates than husband and wife.
2 - He is fed up that I don't have a job.
3 - He is fed up that he pays for everything but that I still say he doesn't face his responsibilities.
Our sex life has been a bit of a disaster since dd was born. I was unable to have sex for the first year (!) - giving birth I had an episiotomy and a 3rd degree tear. All subsequently stitched - incorrectly, and I had to wait some time to have surgery to have it corrected and then let it heal. On top of that, dd has always been a terrible sleeper, and despite trying everything to get her to sleep, including controlled crying as a very last resort (I hate the idea of it) which also failed (and I really did stick at it, miserable). So - we found the only thing that worked was her in bed with us. Then when dh was sick once, dd and I moved to spare bed and we suddenly all had space and had a great night's sleep. So we decided to keep things that way. Only since we've moved have I been able to get dd into her own room and bed. We have talked about this a LOT, and he has never before said that he's not happy. On the contrary he's said he loves having a bed to himself. Obviously now that dd IS in her own room, this could be resolved. Dd also goes to bed late, so we don't get much time to ourselves. Also must admit that my sex drive is not high at all since giving birth. However, he doesn't do much to make me feel wanted. Never really tells me I look nice, doesn't like being affectionate.
I haven't looked as hard as I could have for a job. He thinks I should get any old job as long just for money, whereas I'd like a job that I like the look of. Hands up on this one, but we did agree I'd leave old job (which I loved) to make the move.
He seems to think he does his bit by paying the mortgage and most of the bills. He does practically nothing round the house, and hasn't unpacked a single box since we moved, despite not working. To me, going out all night on a binge is not responsible, at least not when it's done as much as it's been done recently, and when he's spending a fortune on doing it.
He said he still thought we'd be best apart. He suggested we sell the house and move back to London, and get a flat each, and resume our relationship from a first date type of thing. I don't like the sound of this. I will move back and live with him, but that sounds bizarre, expensive and risky.
I suggested again that we go for counselling. He agreed straight away and said we should both look into this and get something sorted as soon as possible.
Then I suggested we go to the pub on our way back to the train station. This worked really well and we just had a laugh and a chat, no talk about the problems, weirdly. It was so nice for it to just be the two of us, no dd around for once. We ended up staying later than planned, and I didn't get a train until 8.30 in the end. He gave me a kiss on the lips goodbye, and things felt much more positive at that point.
So, I feel I'm a lot more to blame than I realised, but he should have tried to talk to me rather than just bottling it all up. I do really feel quite bad for him, and stupid not to have realised before now that I should have made things change.
Am going to take dd to see him tomorrow for a few hours, so that should be interesting.
So - what do you think???!