walnutshell - you're spot on about the drinking. I mentioned earlier on in the thread that he has been going out bingeing a lot and also doing some drugs. This is not his usual behaviour, he would normally just have a couple of pints, he had grown out of all that, with the occasional big night thrown in for good measure. I think the drinking is his solution to his self-esteem issues and general 'crisis' I really think he is having. Now he's started work, and the boss took them all out the last 2 nights, as they're in Dublin. He's not out tonight (flying back, but staying with mate as starts in new office tomorrow morning - this has always been the plan). Then tomorrow out with best mate. I think he's drinking to try to deal with things, which is obviously not the answer. I think being back in a regular job will help to solve this though.
ifonlyhewould - thanks, that's a really encouraging thought. It had crossed my mind a while ago that he might be flattered by her, but I sort of lost track of that somehow. I think this is really likely, in the midst of the really hard time he, and we, have had. A bit of attention from a pretty girl would obviously go a long way. I like the thought of him wanting me to step in to reclaim him!
allysev - hmm, the responsibility word is a strange one to him. I have of course said this to him in the last few weeks when he's been behaving like a pratt. He says that he is being responsible as he is paying the mortgage and most of the bills himself. This is true, but not unexpected as we decided I'd give up my job to move. I saved hard before and have only just had to ask him for money, whilst still buying bits for the house, and all of us, which I think's good going! My dad seems to think this is not unusual thinking for a man - that they feel the mortgage is the lion's part of their 'duty' to the family (Weird of Dad to say that as he's not like that).
Peachy, I think it's more a cry for help to be honest. I know you probably think this is what I would rather believe of the two options, but I've felt for some time that he's felt troubled. I'm hoping things just got out of control and now he's back at work that will boost his self-esteem and pride back again.
Hi Tanee, thanks for posting. Sorry that you're in a similar position - Sunday not a good day for either of us then! I don't mean that I want to postpone seeing him, I really meant that I am nervous about it, but must not have expressed that very well, sorry. No, I agree we need to get together and talk. And again, what a lot of similarities there are here, with the men feeling useless. You're right, it's such a shame they don't talk. I'm sure that's what helps make women stronger. I have drawn a lot of strength from the amazing posts on here. It also helps to know you're not the only one going through it, and that others have managed it successfully. I will read your thread, probably a bit later on this evening
mylittlestar, how are you? Read your thread, but was quite at the latest suggestions!!! Not really sure I had anything to add to that
I know, I'm about him saying I didn't want him to contact her, very annoying, but somehow not surprising to me. And very at her calling to discuss.... To be fair, as he's in Dublin, his phone just says "Call" when it rings, so he doesn't know who it's going to be, and he was expecting me. But thinking about it does feel like he is getting a bit of a kick out of it.
Why do you think he doesn't care what happens either way? Don't you think he would have told me where to go when I asked him not to call Sarah if he wasn't interested? I actually thought he might. I just wrote a bit about responsibility. This is where I'm hoping the best mate will come in a bit, and kick him into touch.
Sigh. It's so tiring, just thinking about it all, all the time, wondering, guessing, hoping. I really don't want to beg him, but want to give it another try. In the next breath I am feeling that it's all too much effort and he should be trying to prove himself to me a bit by now.
Going back home tonight - Dad has offered to drive us back, and he and Mum will stay overnight, so that will be lovely. It's been so nice not to have been alone at all since it all happened. I'm very lucky with that, I know.