Seeing a guy... is this weird?

[Athousanddiamonds]

Hi, just want an opinion about a guy I've been seeing.

We met about 3 months ago and have been dating steadily. By dating I mean going for drinks at the pub on occasion and getting to know each other. We both work so only really see each other on the weekends. I have stayed at his house a few times had sex. We text often every day.

Anyway he seems nice enough, we talk a lot and I do fancy him. He split up from his previous gf last year, they were together for 12 years and owned a house together for 8. Not sure this is relevant to my post but just a bit of background.

Anyway we were at his house last weekend and something he said has been bugging me. I don't know if it's just me being sensitive. Years ago I had an unplanned pregnancy with my then bf. I was on the pill at then time and had no intention of being pregnant. I thought long and hard about what I wanted at the time and decided I couldn't go through with the pregnancy. I decided to terminate - please don't judge.

Anyway I brought this up with this guy last weekend (fuck knows why - must have been the wine) and his attitude towards me changed!! I mean like literally as soon as I said he went 'you did what?!! My family can never know about this' but he became almost nasty with me. I explained the pregnancy was never planned, it was contraception failure and not a decision I took lightly. But none of this seemed to matter, he was just completely off with me. I asked him if he had a problem with it - why should he when it's my past!! He replied no, but his family will!!!

I ended up having to justify the choices I made years ago and telling him as if I would tell your family!!! It's not something I talk about it general!!

I only brought it up as we were talking about our pasts. I haven't even met his family yet and sure as hell wouldn't introduce myself then bring it up!!

Was he BU or am I being sensitive? It's played on my mind all week although we have been texting the same as always.

*fishes

Obviously 😂

I'd definitely go on a date with The Real Jesus. He sounds awesome .

Hmm, just a thought after catching up with this. The point people are making about him being an a la carte Catholic who picks and chooses which teachings he agrees with. It just struck me that it's important to remember that being anti abortion isn't just a Catholic thing. It's a personal thing. We don't know that his feelings are necessarily related to his religion. His aversion to abortion might have nothing to do with reigion at all. It might just be his personal feeling. His parents on the other hand sound more old skool...

I just feel that comments stating that him having sex before marriage or using contraception diminishes his Catholicness and as such his 'right' to hold anti abortion beliefs are not really relevant.

That's all. As you were.

Perhaps It's his belief that It's wrong to have a termination

That's generally what is ground in to that type of thinking speaking as Someone who was brought up as a catholic

I believe in god and Also in a woman's right to choose so no judgement

And he was shocked that you have
And it changes his opinion of you

If it's not love for you then why think about continued relationship with him

Find someone who will respect your choice and love you still

Haha Ellisandra that's pretty much my depiction of Jesus too 😂😂😂

That's a good point Reborn but it did mention his family wouldn't like it as they are Catholic to which I said why would they even find out. I asked him does he have a problem with it he said no but I got the feeling he did. And every point he made about it he brought it back to his family's reaction. So I think it's definitely the catholic thing

He* not it

His texts were not nice but he was upset, hurt and got angry to be dumped and dumped by text to boot. I think OP you ought to have met him and spoken to him face to face or at least phoned and spoken to him. Given you had met him numerous times and been intimate with him, not had an actual argument, dumping by text was not nice. At all.

But what is done is done and there is no point getting into it now esp by text.

If I was him, I'd like an explanation by email of what had happened as otherwise I'd obsess about it in my head. Of course you don't have to do this and there is no point meeting face to face at this point. But regardless of his opinions and hour incompatibility, his immature response was partly a result of the way you ended the budding relationship by text.

You are absolutely wrong WildRose

Nothing the OP did was in any small part the reason why he sent her a disgusting, abusive message.

He sent that because it's what he thinks, and he wanted to send it.

Millions of people get dumped badly every single fucking day without sending nasty shit like that.

I suppose the woman that he bit was partly responsible for that too, huh?

If you have sex with someone and you are anti abortion then the only position you can logically take is that you only ever have sex with someone to whom you are 100% committed.
There can be no middle ground.
If you do not believe in abortion then you must take the view that you will support the child 100% and that means financially and emotionally.
The man in question is not in that category as he has had sex with the op.
They are not in a committed relationship.
The op explained that contraception was used and failed. This man still had a go at her.

He is a dick and a mysoginistic wanker.
He probably views women as either virgins or whores.
He is repulsed that a woman had an abortion yet he is doing nothing to ensure that be doesn't cause a woman to have to seek an abortion.

People who live in glass houses should not throw stones.
Also I appreciate the Ghandi comments, just couldn't quickly think of the male eqivelant to mother Teresa!

Elis The OP already knew he was immature. His text saying FY was immature. There is no denying that but the OP has not covered herself in glory for ending a relationship by text unless they are both still at school.

The relationship board is full of confused people wondering what they did wrong at the end of a relationship. I've been there and it is a horrible way to be treated when to the best of your knowledge you haven't done anything 'wrong'.

OP I think I would have followed the same pattern of behaviour as you in the same position. If I felt ashamed for any reason I would probably change the subject and try to see if things could carry on. It can be hard to tackle at the time and you need to consider how you feel. After reflection I would also end by text if I had concerns on having a balanced conversation - based on his previous extreme reaction and childishness.

Good luck for your future dating!

Yep I dumped him by text. Not what I would do in normal circumstances. Probably symptomatic of the level of respect I had left for him.

Thanks Lana. Never been in this situation before so it threw me.

I think he deserved an explanation up to the point where he sent the fuck you texts. If I had been the OP after seeing the 2 texts asking for an explanation I would have been trying to compose something. The minute I got the fuck you texts im afraid he would be blocked and I would never engage with him again

@mysteriouscurle She did give him an explanation. She sent him a text saying "I just said I think our differences are too great for anything more to come of this. Sorry."

Most people who had been part of a conversation between a pro-lifer and a person whose had an abortion could figure out what the problem was. But not this guy. He made it about women being trust worthy.

On one hand, I can see why braking things off via texting isn't so great, but at the same time, when dealing with a person who uses shame to gain the upper hand, it might be safer. Engaging in a conversation with him would not have been helpful. He might have twisted to things to make her feel bad, may be some how suckered her back into being involved with him.

And while abortion was the issue that brought things to a head, I don't think it was the biggest issue. He completely lacked empathy (made her feel shame and either didn't realize it or didn't care), and he was very entitled (hence biting a woman's bottom while in a foreign county). Scary combination.

I'm not sure how much of an explanation a man has really earned when he has used dating as a way to fish for a woman to push around and make feel bad. He will find another victim, and do his best to mess with her head. Nothing a woman says to him is going to change that.

Utter bullshit Wildrose.
Why are you being such an apologist for this horrible man?

There's a difference between being immature and sending a "fuck you, you're just like all the rest" message a mere 7 minutes after asking why you've been dumped.

It's fine to dump by text.
Plenty of people prefer it as they can compose themselves.

It's fine to use quite a bland "differences, not going anywhere" message. Anyone who can't accept that some things don't work out shouldn't be dating.

This horrible man anyway ought to have been able to put together that him being critical of abortion + her having had an abortion maybe was a point of difference

If a man physically assaulted you as he did to another woman, would you say "ah well, he's immature, it's fine"

Your attitude surprises me, and makes me sad that there are people out there who will still try to find reasons to excuse shitty behaviour

Totally agree with Trailing Wife.

Agree with PP. This man goes some way beyond just being immature. He sounds bloody awful, and I bet his ex could tell you a tale or two.

It's fine to dump by text

Yes to this. It bears repeating. In fact, it's better and safer to break up with someone like this (hair trigger temper and no compunction about assaulting women) via text.

I never understand what's so wrong about breaking up with a casual over text. Especially someone you've only been on a couple of dates with.

Obviously if you are in a serious relationship living with each other it's different but blimey! When I was dating I'd have hated for anyone dumping me to have made sure they did it to my face. No thanks.

Even worse if you've got ready looking forward to a night out, not knowing what is coming and gone out only to get dumped. How crap would that be.

And also if someone reacts that angrily over text, I'd be even more glad we hadn't had a face to face confrontation.

Absolutely Pam. Imagine getting all gussied up expecting a big night out with your s/o then getting dumped in public. Urgh - the humiliation!

Great username btw - fellow LoG fan