Seeing a guy... is this weird?

[Athousanddiamonds]

Hi, just want an opinion about a guy I've been seeing.

We met about 3 months ago and have been dating steadily. By dating I mean going for drinks at the pub on occasion and getting to know each other. We both work so only really see each other on the weekends. I have stayed at his house a few times had sex. We text often every day.

Anyway he seems nice enough, we talk a lot and I do fancy him. He split up from his previous gf last year, they were together for 12 years and owned a house together for 8. Not sure this is relevant to my post but just a bit of background.

Anyway we were at his house last weekend and something he said has been bugging me. I don't know if it's just me being sensitive. Years ago I had an unplanned pregnancy with my then bf. I was on the pill at then time and had no intention of being pregnant. I thought long and hard about what I wanted at the time and decided I couldn't go through with the pregnancy. I decided to terminate - please don't judge.

Anyway I brought this up with this guy last weekend (fuck knows why - must have been the wine) and his attitude towards me changed!! I mean like literally as soon as I said he went 'you did what?!! My family can never know about this' but he became almost nasty with me. I explained the pregnancy was never planned, it was contraception failure and not a decision I took lightly. But none of this seemed to matter, he was just completely off with me. I asked him if he had a problem with it - why should he when it's my past!! He replied no, but his family will!!!

I ended up having to justify the choices I made years ago and telling him as if I would tell your family!!! It's not something I talk about it general!!

I only brought it up as we were talking about our pasts. I haven't even met his family yet and sure as hell wouldn't introduce myself then bring it up!!

Was he BU or am I being sensitive? It's played on my mind all week although we have been texting the same as always.

Thanks Eeny but I actually wanted some other people's perspectives as I initially thought I was being over sensitive. Otherwise I wouldn't have posted. Thought I was free to use an open forum as I saw fit providing I didn't troll or hurl out abuse 🤔

Any man who sends a text like that is not someone I even want to sit next to on the bus, much less have sex with.

If it's hard for you to listen about my morality you could always leave the thread? Anyway it's over, I won't hear from him again. Thanks to all who advised.

Yes your right she doesn't have to explain herself to nobody, but she chose to write about it on a PUBLIC forum. So is it those who only agree need to respond. Ah you got to love mumsnet.

wow, he had no right to judge you.

HOrrible moment when you realise that somebody you're seeing is a misogynist.

I'm here Eeny waves You can talk directly to me if you like

No Im done now diamonds, I Leave you to your fan club.

Thanks

I think dumping by text is a bit rubbish, but agree that given his reaction it may have actually been safer.
I have been dumped out of the blue, with a reason similar to what you said OP (too different etc). I felt shit for a few weeks and obsessed a bit to myself and then moved on. Like a normal person.
His angry "you're all the same fuck you" reaction was classic misogynist and you are WELL rid
Who gives a shit if he is moaning about it on some mens forum. He was probably trashing women online while you were still dating him. Knob.

I think if it were me I'd unblock and explain you found his views about abortion and language about breasts etc offensive and it had been worrying you. If he has a reason he will probably shut up. Then you can both move on.

I wouldn't never unblock and I'd explain jackshit to a man who had sent me an abusive message and who has previous for physically assaulting a woman.

I'm thinking of her safety. He sounds the sort who could become obsessive.

I'd do what bunny has suggested and then block him again immediately afterwards.
He sounds very immature & shallow-you can do much better!

Yeah, and her safety is exactly why she shouldn't engage AT ALL.

If he would become obsessive, that's more likely to happen if she gives him any "in" at all.

This man bit a woman who annoyed, and casually drops that in like it's OK. He bit someone.

Block him, and if he makes the slightest contact, call 101 and ask their advice on whether you should send a "I have spoken to the police and will escalate any further contact" - or just escalate.

I'm not trying to scare the OP. I think he'll just crawl under his stone now he's sent his abusive message. But she owes him nothing.

What Ellisandra said.

Does anyone recommending she explain why he's dumped seriously think he's going to take this on board and re-evaluate his (appalling) attitude to women?

Just to put emphasis on what happened last night. I text him saying I can't continue to see you.

He understandably asked why

I explained our differences are too great for us to work.

Within 5 (ok maybe 7) minutes I had : texts in quick succession. Can I explain the differences. Followed by I thought we were getting on, please can you tell me. Quickly followed by 'you're all the fucking same. Fuck yourself'.

I think he blew any 'right' to an explaination from me. He could even be polite enough to wait for me to answer before he became insulting. I really don't think he deserves an explanation now. It's disgusting behaviour no matter how you look at it.

Had he have asked what the differences were and left it til I replied that would have been the correct t thing to do.

Three cheers for Diamonds! Spot on

Well you'be dodged a bullet there that's for sure! Well played.

You may be right.

I agree with pp that the subject of abortion is highly contentious. I am pro choice and while I don't expect everyone to agree with me, I expect mutual respect for different opinions. Inside however I believe that is has nothing whatsoever to do with men.

Regarding what he said about his family would make me end the relationship. Regardless of being a non practising Catholic in a Catholic family, it is clear that his family still heavily influence him. Influencing the 'bigger' issues wouldn't bother me as much as how they will influence and possibly interfere and cause disharmony down the line and especially if you have children.

The bum biting and calling breasts puppies is immature and something I would find offputting but to b

sorry posted too quickly

...but to be fair he sounds like a straightforward guy and what you see is what you get. That is very appealing in itself for a different woman, the type who cangiv. I think you are incompatible. I would finish things.

Op he is a complete and utter dick.
I could not be with a man who is anti choice, it s one of my boundaries.

I would have laced into the bastard tbh.
Who the fuck does he think he is Jesus?

If he is such a staunch Catholics he would not be using contraception, other than the withdrawal method.
Therefore he should not be having sex before marriage.
People like him make me sick.
They are so full of shit.

I hope his mum and dad are fucking mother Teresa and bloody Ghandi, otherwise they can't keep their illogical opinions to themselves.

You really have dodged a bullet there op.

If his mum is Mother Theresa and she's married his dad Ghandi their parish priest is going to be really fucking annoyed
A bride of Christ fucking off with a Hindu

But I'm with you all the way on your post!

Lmao emily. That's a brilliant post. Ellisandra makes a very good point though.

Also if like to think Jesus would be a lot less judgemental of me

That's the thing that really pisses me off with some religious types, Diamonds.

I had a part Catholic part High Anglican upbringing. For a while, I was a Christian. I now am an atheist.

But regardless of whether Jesus existed, or was the Son of God... if you read the bible, this was a man of understand and compassion.

The Real Jesus would have given you a hug and said "life's hard sometimes, hey? You need to do what you thinks right. When you're feeling up to it, come round and try to relax at mine - there'll be loaves, finishes, and I've got this fucking awesome new trick going on turning water into prosecco - you're gonna love it!"