Seeing a guy... is this weird?

[Athousanddiamonds]

Hi, just want an opinion about a guy I've been seeing.

We met about 3 months ago and have been dating steadily. By dating I mean going for drinks at the pub on occasion and getting to know each other. We both work so only really see each other on the weekends. I have stayed at his house a few times had sex. We text often every day.

Anyway he seems nice enough, we talk a lot and I do fancy him. He split up from his previous gf last year, they were together for 12 years and owned a house together for 8. Not sure this is relevant to my post but just a bit of background.

Anyway we were at his house last weekend and something he said has been bugging me. I don't know if it's just me being sensitive. Years ago I had an unplanned pregnancy with my then bf. I was on the pill at then time and had no intention of being pregnant. I thought long and hard about what I wanted at the time and decided I couldn't go through with the pregnancy. I decided to terminate - please don't judge.

Anyway I brought this up with this guy last weekend (fuck knows why - must have been the wine) and his attitude towards me changed!! I mean like literally as soon as I said he went 'you did what?!! My family can never know about this' but he became almost nasty with me. I explained the pregnancy was never planned, it was contraception failure and not a decision I took lightly. But none of this seemed to matter, he was just completely off with me. I asked him if he had a problem with it - why should he when it's my past!! He replied no, but his family will!!!

I ended up having to justify the choices I made years ago and telling him as if I would tell your family!!! It's not something I talk about it general!!

I only brought it up as we were talking about our pasts. I haven't even met his family yet and sure as hell wouldn't introduce myself then bring it up!!

Was he BU or am I being sensitive? It's played on my mind all week although we have been texting the same as always.

Perhaps his gf left him for a grown up, OP.

This guy is a massive arse. Why on earth would he tell his family about your abortion in the first place, let alone let them judge you? They can all fuck off.
Drop him like he's hot and find someone else.

I'm thinking about my answer. And keep getting torn into not bothering to answer. But I know that would seem cruel to not give a reason.

I think you should be completely honest and state the reasons people have said here. Let him know what his faults are.

I would be honest and say why not.

I did reply.

I just said I think our differences are too great for anything more to come of this. Sorry.

Eek even reading it back, I'm cringing. I'm not usually a dumper.

I'm so glad I have MN to help me see my instincts were valid. Thanks for the good advice. I think I have dodged a monumental bullet. Onwards ever onwards.

Well done op.

Good for you

Thank you

Now got three texts in a row from him ffs! I won't reply to him now. I've said what I had to say.

@Queazy perhaps but I'd imagine that his reference to not wanting the OP to tel his family perhaps stems more from the fact that the OP hardly knew him at the point she told him, so is clearly not uncomfortable with. Discussing termination in conversational terms, which could mean that she might bring it up with his family in a similar way.

Nothing wrong with the OP wanting to end the relationship because their views on this and other topics are clearly incompatible though.

No offence Biscuit but are you serious??

I wouldn't bring it up with his family because again that's just weird and waaay too personal.

Secondly when I mentioned it we had both had a few drinks, it was all very relaxed and we were opening up to each other I guess. He told me things about his past that are confidential and I wouldn't dream of telling anyone else. It was a moment of trust or so I thought.

Again I understand what you are saying and why. But you are so far off the mark it's unreal.

Do people honestly get with their partners then tell their partners parents the things they did in their pasts which are personal? I must have lived a sheltered life!

You don't have to reply.

OP unless you feel very emotionally invested in this relationship, I would not be too explicit about the whys and wherefores as to why you don't want to continue it, but as is often said on here, you have a niggle (gut reaction) so at least take a break from him and don't feel pressurised.

For what it's worth... I think he sounds like a judgmental -twat-! Being a Catholic ( plastic one) doesn't give you Carte Blanche to be so pompous!!

If you get drawn into specifics, he'll use them to persuade you otherwise. Don't get drawn in.

Oh and his texts read like this:

Text 1: can you tell me what those differences are?

Text 2: I thought we really clicked and were getting on. Can you tell me what I've done please!

Text 3: I knew I shouldn't have trusted you. You've led me on. You're all the fucking same. Fuck yourself!!

Wow!

I feel pretty gutted that I was polite with him! I wish I had have been a twat, at least his attitude would have been justified.

Feel like texting back 'what any sauce for that chip on your shoulder?' But no. I shall rise above.

Christian my arse!!!

There you go.

How dare you not fall for him!

There's some very lovely men out there, doesn't mean to say they are life partners. The fact he's got do nasty should tell you you are bang on with your instincts. High five yourself!

You don't need to say you understand why Biscuit is saying it, and why. I certainly don't. The guy didn't get nervous you might tell his family, he was saying his entire family would judge you, like he was doing. I respect each person's right to their own beliefs, I don't respect twats who use them to judge others.

Anyway, I can see you've ended it. Good for you. I sucked up quite a bit of judgement on this topic from others, and wish I'd stuck up for myself like you're doing.