Seeing a guy... is this weird?

[Athousanddiamonds]

Hi, just want an opinion about a guy I've been seeing.

We met about 3 months ago and have been dating steadily. By dating I mean going for drinks at the pub on occasion and getting to know each other. We both work so only really see each other on the weekends. I have stayed at his house a few times had sex. We text often every day.

Anyway he seems nice enough, we talk a lot and I do fancy him. He split up from his previous gf last year, they were together for 12 years and owned a house together for 8. Not sure this is relevant to my post but just a bit of background.

Anyway we were at his house last weekend and something he said has been bugging me. I don't know if it's just me being sensitive. Years ago I had an unplanned pregnancy with my then bf. I was on the pill at then time and had no intention of being pregnant. I thought long and hard about what I wanted at the time and decided I couldn't go through with the pregnancy. I decided to terminate - please don't judge.

Anyway I brought this up with this guy last weekend (fuck knows why - must have been the wine) and his attitude towards me changed!! I mean like literally as soon as I said he went 'you did what?!! My family can never know about this' but he became almost nasty with me. I explained the pregnancy was never planned, it was contraception failure and not a decision I took lightly. But none of this seemed to matter, he was just completely off with me. I asked him if he had a problem with it - why should he when it's my past!! He replied no, but his family will!!!

I ended up having to justify the choices I made years ago and telling him as if I would tell your family!!! It's not something I talk about it general!!

I only brought it up as we were talking about our pasts. I haven't even met his family yet and sure as hell wouldn't introduce myself then bring it up!!

Was he BU or am I being sensitive? It's played on my mind all week although we have been texting the same as always.

Have a fabulous night and try not to give him any more headspace. Anyone who can veer that quickly between "fuck you, fucker" to "I want to change your mind" is an out and out dickhead.

I have just skimmed through this thread and you have come across as the most lovely, well spoken, smart and thoughtful person OP...

You are clearly an absolute catch and deserve the best. That kind of reaction to something so personal is unacceptable. Onwards and upwards for you!!

I'm not being difficult, but is it not usual to say why you're dumping someone?

If I'd done something, time had passed, and I'd then been dumped for it out of the blue I'd be quite confused.

I DO think his reaction to you sharing your past was unacceptable and entirely agree with you ending the relationship but it just feels a touch 'off' to do it out of the blue with no reason.

I do seem to be in the minority though.

I agree moany. Totally justified in dumping him but I would have told him why -general attitude to women (abortion and weird biting story). From there on in, I would have blocked and not been drawn into discussion but to be fair I think he needed to know that he was out of order.

Yes Wallis - I'm glad you understand what I mean because it was clearly the right decision.

To be honest I think he are all been harsh. The Op blew hot and cold with him,texting him all week and then just dumping him out of the blue. She gave him no proper explanation so of course he is going to get defensive. If it was the other way around everyone on here would be calling him all the names under the sun. Op you shouldn't have told him such personal information about yourself and then get upset because of his reaction. She is on here slating him now because he didn't automatically react the way she wanted him to, but was happy enough with him a long . There is always two sides to every story.

You have had SUCH a lucky escape. Good on you for taking control. You'll meet someone much nicer. Don't ever consider, even for a second, looking back at him. Just move on.

Yep and the arrogance of him trying to 'change my mind'. Erm, no it it doesn't work like that.
I dumped someone once in person (had only been going out about 3 weeks, and what seemed interesting quirks in his personality had become really weird in that time..).
I was kind but clear that we were too different, gave examples, without any nastiness. He got a bit upset and left...
The next evening he just turned up and tried to act as if it hadn't happened!

When I reminded him specifically, he said he thought I was having a bad night, and he forgave me, we could pretend it never happened .
After I told him I was quite sure (kindly again), he went to each of my friends in turn telling them I'd been really mean.
I hope this one does accept that its your decision, not his, OP.

Well he can't be that strict a Catholic if you have slept together without being married...

I think you have done the right thing. Clearly he has some dodgy views on women. I hope he doesn't become a pest.

Just read through diamonds. I reckon you've done the right thing and I second all the lucky escape/dodged a bullet comments.

Just to add, you were right not doing this in person, especially given how, he reacted.

Onwards and upwards!

Thanks for the kind messages. I'm currently decluttering my house to keep me occupied for today.

I do see what pp are saying that I've dumped in out of the blue. I clearly have and it must look awful from his side of things.

I think the fact that we were opening up with each other and he told me some very personal things about his past and I felt comfortable doing the same, coupled with his reaction AND the fact that he didn't seem to acknowledge anything I was saying nor apologise for what he said to me left a bad taste in my mouth.

The only reason we got off the topic of my past was because I CHOSE to drop it. I have no doubt he would have carried on and possibly pursued an argument of some sort with me had I have been indignant with him. It's the first time he showed his behaviour to me like that and I didn't like where it was going. I/we changed the conversation and not long after I went home. During the week the texts conversations were of the usual 'Hi how are you?' nature and as I'm not a nasty person I continued to keep them up. Meanwhile his reaction had been on my mind all week.

So yes it must have come out of the blue and maybe I should have given a reason but seeing as he doesn't take too kindly to being reasoned with, I couldn't actually see a point if that makes sense. He probably would have argued with me over why my reasons for dumping him are wrong.

And yes he is a very lapsed 'catholic' having sex outside of marriage but that's his decision I guess and he picks and chooses what part of Catholicism he takes note of.

That's a bit creepy of the guy slarti

Eeny if a guy dumped me out of the blue I would probably think to myself have I done something to upset him? If I hadn't been a judgemental arse with him or anything else I would probably put it down to maybe he just didn't like me. I wouldn't tell him to go fuck himself though.

Sorry Op I think you should have just been upfront about his reaction. Also texting him as normal all week And then out of the blue texting him to finish with him was a cowards way out. If he had done it to you everyone on here would have not praised him like they are doing to you but slated him. Totally double standards. Yes he mightnt believe in abortion but that is his right as It is yours to have one. Does everyone on here believe that people who were brought up catholic dont sleep together before marraige or believe in abortion? What is it the 19 hundreds?

Yes his reaction was wrong but I think it's because you blindsided him,wouldn't give him a reason why and he probably really liked you and thought ye were going somewhere. What is done is done, no doubt he is on some men's forum moaning about this woman who just dumped him out of the blue and I get all the men are sympathizing with him

Eeny - I'm sure he is moaning about her. Because he's an entitled prick who hates women.

You have definitely dodged a bullet there but I would have told him exactly why he was being dumped. Maybe he won't be such a judgmental arse with his next date.

Eeny I too had a catholic upbringing albeit to very liberal parents. I denounced my religion years ago. So o do know what it entails. Funny though because I was brought up with morality as are most people and if someone told me they did x in their pasts my initial response wouldn't be 'my family can never know what you've done' especially something so sensitive as an abortion. He has a right to his opinion absolutely. Didn't mean he had to be a complete arse about it when it didn't/wouldn't even effect him any way. Sorry my time machine is broken, I can't go back and change my past to suit this bell end.

Trust me, my spidey senses were tingling. He is a misogynist through and through, the way he talks about women in general conversation. But hey ho, I've ended it now and I feel I've had a very lucky escape. Had I have continued to overlook everything I would probably end up a very unhappy woman.

I do agree that perhaps OP should have let him know the reasons for her change of heart but he's shown his true colours with his reaction.

I've had someone I've been dating go cold on me with no real reason. I got the usual "it's not you it's me" fluff. What did I do? I was upset, I took some time to lick my wounds. I was hurt to see him move on quickly. What I didn't do was text him and tell him to go fuck himself.

You got that from a few posts that are totally one-sided. She had no problem with his behaviour all along. If it upset her so much why didn't she dump him sooner? Maybe he is an entitled prick but surely Op would have seen this behaviour at some stages during the three months period. I think she didn't like his reaction and that's why she dumped him( which is fair enough) but at least be honest about it. Why come on to a forum and drag up every stupid thing his done it said now which seemingly never bothered her before that night. He wasn't right and probably is a dope but the Op isn't coming out smelling of roses either.

No need to justify yourself diamonds. His 0 to 60 reaction combined with the bum biting (seriously, that's sexual assault, great big red flag RIGHT THERE) and the creepy comment about puppies (ick).

Nor is it your responsibility to educate him. If he doesn't realise he shouldn't be doing these things he obviously shouldn't be doing then that's his fault, not yours.

Ditch him, run and save your self!!

Cross posts diamonds, it's hard for me to listen about your morality when you are on a public forum slating him. Like you said it's done now, time to move on for both of ye. I just it was unfair how this thread played out and how double standards it was. Happy decluttering

OP explain yourself to Nobody .... you've ended the relationship... THE END