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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Infidelity support thread for the betrayed party

999 replies

ppandj · 25/08/2017 16:47

I recently found out about my partner's affair, which occurred while I was pregnant and had a newborn (plus a toddler). My partner's behaviour was vile to me for a long time (turns out it was part of the guilt of the affair) and I had been considering ending our relationship anyway. Then I found out about the infidelity and our world has come crashing down, we are both devastated and my partner has had a wake up call- all the illusion of his affair has been shattered and he realises what he jeopardised when he made those choices. I have not yet decided what to do long term; whether we stay together depends largely on him and whether he can have a good look at himself and learn his lessons, but also I need to build my self-esteem and think about what I actually want.

Since I found out I have been on MN (more than usual Wink) and have read some old threads where the betrayed spouses were supporting eachother. I have also seen that there are many coping with this shitty experience currently posting. So I thought maybe we can have a thread to know that we aren't alone.

OP posts:
mampam · 29/09/2017 12:03

It's awful isn't it Brokenlife. I too wonder if DH will get fed up with my up and down moods.

This whole thing with our neighbour has really brought home to me that I just don't trust that DH will do the right thing.
He didn't do the right thing at the start of our marriage, instead got swept along with it all and enjoyed the flirting/attention. Where would it have ended if I hadn't have found out when I did? That's the question I can't get out of my head and he can't answer. He says he wasn't even attracted to her just liked the attention she gave him, but the fact that he lied to me has made me question his integrity, his judgement and has made me feel I cannot completely trust him, especially to do the right thing.

It would seem that every time DH goes to the communal parking area for our street our neighbour just happens to come out of her house at the same time (parking area next to her house). I don't think it's a coincidence, I really don't as it's every time now, no matter what time of day.
DH and I have discussed that this is her problem and not ours essentially but that DH needs to do the right thing by not giving this woman any reason to think it's in anyway reciprocated or being encouraged.

So this morning anticipating what would happen when he went to his car (he told me this btw), low and behold he heard her front door open, turned to look, she was staring back so he says "alright?".

FFS. I'm so pissed off with him. It's great that he told me but really!? Why didn't he just carry on with what he was doing? "Alright?" is a fucking question that could start off a conversation. That's not passing a neighbourly time of day "hello" is it?

Is this just me?? Would you be pissed off too?? Aaaargh I'm just all over the place at the moment I can't think straight.

Jen - I feel for you I really do. Have you had a think about what you are going to do in the long run?

Brokenlife · 29/09/2017 13:01

mampam thank you for responding. With regards to your DH talking to the neighbour I think you need to spell it out. I actually really think that they need to be told what to do with examples.

I told my H last night that for this to have a chance to recover he needs complete transparentcy even if he sees her in the corridor I need to know. Immediately by phone or text. He then asked what to do (not that he wouldn't know but asked me what I wanted him to do) so we've put together some scenarios:

She texts him - either don't reply till getting home as I may want to reply to her, or reply saying "in my last texts I asked for no contact please stop texting". DO NOT delete any texts I need to see them

She emails him- as above, unless there is a work relating email in which case he is to forward it to somebody in his team without engaging and ask them to deal with whatever needs dealing with. No hi, no thanks for emailing me nothing that shows engagement.

They meet in the corridor, work restaurant - walk past don't engage, don't even say hello. Tell me and yes, as bad as it is tell me every detail, what did you feel, did your heart jump, did you have an understanding look on your faces, did she try to engage...

I know it sounds very controlling but only if he's capable to disengage completely our marriage may have a (small) chance to recover in the months and years to come.

Of course I can't be there to see he's following all this but he has been so honest with me in the last couple of days and answered the most difficult questions I asked so honestly (not sure I would have had the strength to tell him what he had to tell me if the situation has been reversed) that I am positive (at least today) that he understands he has to do that for our marriage to survive not because I have some crazy requests to make them suffer.

And the steps above have been agreed together with his suggestions and me adding to them. He knows that, as they work together (luckily a big business with a big building, apparently they worked there for 15 years together and never met till May) I may at any point ask him to actually change jobs if I can't deal with it. He's willing to do that.

I know there'll be mistakes along the way (if I decide to keep giving him this chance, I have moments when I change my mind understanding what an easier path would be to chuck him out without having to torture myself for the next ... years to come) where he may say hello to her, or meet her in the restaurant at work and talk about the weather, if he tells me we'll have the chance to talk about those mistakes and why that's not appropriate while if he doesn't he's putting our marriage at risk and we will find ourselves not getting anywhere in the months to come.

So mampam while I think your H was an idiot engaging I also think that telling you was the right think so you can now explain why that's inappropriate, and put some scenarios behind it e.g. "Next time when you see her don't engage, don't look, don't say hello. If she says hello ignore it" etc

As my H was also an EA my biggest fear is that in 3 months time he'll come home and tell me that he loves her more than ever and he's not willing to work on our relationship anymore.

He says it isn't the case, that the moment I found out and seeing me what I am going through, seeing our kids and what he had to lose make him realise she was nothing and he was about to lose the love of his life. That now only thinking of her makes him sick and he associates her with the turmoil we've been living since Wednesday which fills him up with anger (at himself) for what a twat he's been. He was flattered with the attention of another woman and didn't know when to stop.

I wish I could believe him...

Brokenlife · 29/09/2017 13:09

My biggest dilemma now is contacting her. I of course have her number and I feel the need to tell her that no, it wasn't me begging him to stay, it was him begging to fix me and my broken heart, fix what he's broken therefore I would appreciate if she doesn't engage with him anymore however if they do to stop hiding and tell me as he can be a free man.

Would I look completely stupid doing this, sending a text along those lines?

H tells me to do whatever it takes to heal, if I feel I have to do it then do it. I also told him I am tempted (in my angry moments) to email their HR dept and let them know, don't know what I'd achieve by that and I doubt I'd do it but out of curiosity would HR get involved, does anybody know?

H said it is up to me and if it helps my healing do it. At least he's not defending her (and as a true gentleman he didn't slag her off either or blame it on her as I would have killed him if he would have tried to pass the responsibility on someone else).

mampam · 29/09/2017 18:49

Brokenlife I would be inclined NOT to contact the OW. I do see where you are coming from but it may give her an excuse/reason to contact your H. If he is truly prepared to ignore her and not engage with her then this should give the message that he wants no more to do with her and he has chosen to stay with his DW and family.

There is a link earlier in this thread to a book which is essentially written for the betrayer on how they should behave if they truly want to save their relationship. I skimmed through it and found it quite reassuring that my H is doing many of the things listed of his own accord. I wonder if it will help you too?

Thank you for the advice re: spelling it out to my DH. Yes you hit the nail on the head, he is an idiot at the best of times and I just don't think he gets it.

I know he hasn't done anything to actively encourage the woman except be his normal friendly self but he is useless at reading situations. I keep telling him that the situation will come and bite him on the butt if he's not careful. I don't think he knows how to act but you are right I need to spell it out for him.

jeaux90 · 29/09/2017 20:39

Broken unless he is her boss (which clearly he isn't as they had never met before) then HR will not care. Plenty of people meet at work, marry etc

Don't contact them, I have no idea what you want to achieve by it.

Brokenlife · 29/09/2017 21:45

I thought so regarding HR, she has two children so I wouldn't do it anymore I guess the idea of it comes to me in the bleakest moments thinking I could shame her.

But you're all right, if I engage it will give her a reason to engage also.

Can I ask an intimate question: how do you get to have sex with your H and how early is too early? I have moments when I want to do it and get it over with it. We did of course have sex between his affair and me finding out but I didn't know. I have moments throughout the day when I consider it just because I want some normality...

I'm so fucked up...

mampam · 29/09/2017 21:59

Broken - I will reply to this in the morn, can't reply right now as 2 teenage DC are having a crisis. Didn't want you to think no one was going to respond.

Will just quickly say, if you want to just bite the bullet GO FOR IT!

Brokenlife · 30/09/2017 21:07

mampam I've read the book and it is reassuring that my H does all the right stuff (most of the time) as per the book.

Today I had a better day, shocking as it sounds I've been to the hairdresser and shopping for the new me. He knows it isn't for him it is for me, no more l'll do a diy job for my hair to save money, and putting myself second.

mampam · 01/10/2017 09:19

Broken that's great that you did something just for you. It's good too that your DH can see you doing this, a little reminder perhaps that you are an independent woman who doesn't need him but chooses to be with him Wink

As for sex, you must resume only when you feel ready to. I don't think there's any right or wrong answer so long as you don't feel pressurised at all.

Brokenlife · 01/10/2017 15:22

Today not such a great day, I feel like we're moving too fast, every second in which we are trying to act normal for the kids' sake feels like a second where he is either thinking of her or thinks he got away with it.

I became this needy person who looks at him trying to read his expression, in return he does the same trying to read my mood, sometimes I end up crying in his arms with him apologising on and on and telling me it was the biggest mistake of his life, how much he loves me and how he doesn't want to lose me. How he's anxious also when he's not with me as he feels I may have change my mind and not give him the chance to repair it all.

I was planning to go back to work tomorrow but luckily I have an understanding line manager who told me to take the week off as she realised no way I'd go through a full day without breaking down in tears.

I feel like my whole world has collapsed...

The closer we get to tomorrow the more anxiety takes over as she's there in the same building...

exhaustedmumof4 · 01/10/2017 20:45

Hi I'm really struggling in the wake of my husbands infidelity. If anyone wants to read my full Jeremy Kyle horror show of a marriage they can here www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3024067-my-husband-is-in-rehab-and-just-found-out-about-his-infidelity?pg=1&order=

But to cut a long story short, my husband is a cocaine addict and has just come out of rehab, while he was there I found out he had been unfaithful with a friend of his. We've been together 14 years, married for 4 and have 4 children. The relationship with OW happened about 2 years ago; she's also an addict and alcoholic and they have known each other since school, they were using drugs together and it turned into something. DH swears they didn't sleep together but admits to secret dates, kissing and having feelings for her. DH and I are separated, he's living in a halfway house run by the rehab center and desperate to reconcile. I change my mind daily about whether I can forgive him or not, obviously our marriage has been deeply affected by his drug use and it was only when I kicked him out in the summer that he went to rehab.

It's so hard. The affair was tied up with his addiction and I know he wouldn't have done it otherwise but it still hurts so much. He's told me so many lies to my face. I'm also aware that he is in early recovery and so needs positivity and consistency in his life and I'm swinging wildly between missing him desperately and hating him for what he's done to us. The kids are miserable, I'm miserable, he's miserable. In the cold sober light of day he can't believe what a mess he's made of his life. So much damage has been done and I just don't know how to move forward. Whenever I think about the 2 of them sneaking around behind my back I get so murderously angry.

ppandj · 02/10/2017 11:11

Hi to all new to the thread. I didn't mean to disappear but the thread stopped appearing in my app sections so I thought nobody had posted. Sorry that so many have had to join this horrible club, tale as old as time it seems.

I have read all the new posts but I had a lot to catch up on so can't reply to everyone individually. But just to say that so much of what you are saying resonates with me. The first part of discovery is just bloody awful. If it helps, I am now 2 months on and I actually do feel a bit better. Our relationship needs a lot of work which we can't do at present because my partner is doing mon-fri training away for his new job so simply not around eachother enough. He has for the most part been handling things well and been supporting me but due to his workload and lack of contact while he is away, he is only able to do so much.

For anyone new here please seek counselling or confide in someone irl. Above everything else this is the thing that helps me so much. I must have been bottling things up a bit because at my last session I just walked in and stared crying. It was such a release though, I didn't know I needed it as much as that but I obviously did.

I am prioritising myself because I had lost who I was. I have lost a stone, booked a course and am setting up a business on the side of my part time job in order to become more financially independent. What I have learnt is that I can't depend on him, and don't feel I can depend on anyone, but I can bet on myself!

Some days I feel like all this was meant to happen to make me realise my worth, and to make us both fix our relationship and for him to realise and deal with his issues. Other days I feel a bit hopeless about our future together and feel bad about myself. It's still a rollercoaster.

Keep posting xx

OP posts:
ppandj · 02/10/2017 11:19

@exhaustedmumof4
e. I'm also aware that he is in early recovery and so needs positivity and consistency in his life and I'm swinging wildly between missing him desperately and hating him for what he's done to us. The kids are miserable, I'm miserable, he's miserable. In the cold sober light of day he can't believe what a mess he's made of his life. So much damage has been done and I just don't know how to move forward.

^ what you said here I can relate to. Because of his job I am trying to be supportive and positive for him. I know people might think I'm mad but it makes me feel better to be so. I feel like I am being the person I want to be. It proves my worth to me. Don't get me wrong, sometimes I feel like I want to punish him til the end of time. But I remind myself that the old relationship is gone, and I think of whether I want to begin a new one with him and what I would do if I do want to. Not sure that helps. I feel for you FlowersSad

OP posts:
mampam · 02/10/2017 12:37

ppandj yes the realisation is just awful that you can't depend on the one person you always thought that you could. Good for you for getting out there and doing something positive for yourself.

exhausted it seems to me that your H needs to complete his rehab and get his habit under control before you can make any decisions about your future together. The stability can come from you and the children being a consistent in his life (I don't mean he move back in with you). Get into a routine where he sees the DC. Perhaps he can come for a family dinner a few times a week. Maybe you and him could meet for coffee once a week. I think he has much to prove and if his addiction is centred around his affair then he needs to show you it's under control.

Be kind to yourself. Your emotions will swing all over the place and that's perfectly normal.

exhaustedmumof4 · 02/10/2017 14:17

Yes, he is seeing the children at set times on set days and I'm supposed to be seeing him one afternoon a week, away from the kids as we don't want to argue around them and our relationship is in a volatile place.

It feels really unfair that I'm finding out about his affair (which he is remorseful for but also trying to justify due to his addiction) at the same time as he is beginning his recovery as I can't eviscerate for his betrayal like I would under normal circumstances. I'm feeling pressure to forgive him as he wasn't in his right mind, his friends have described it as a distraction to avoid facing up to his problems. That doesn't change the fact he snuck around with another woman behind my back and lied to my face about it. I hate that I have to consider his feelings when he hasn't given mine a second thought in a long time.

exhaustedmumof4 · 02/10/2017 14:18

Eviscerate him that should read!

Brokenlife · 02/10/2017 15:41

exhausted I really feel for you! It must be so hard... I think you need to wait for full recovery until any decision about your future is being taken. I am talking rubbish at the moment though so don't take what I say too serious...

Still a bad day here. First day when he's back at work in the same building with her (different floors) and I am doing better than I thought. But still feeling panicked every so often and texting him to ask if he's seen her...

He texted at one point to say "no contact but I think there will be" and I had a full on anxiety attack. He just has a feeling there will be contact and he told me not to worry as he's so annoyed at himself that he'd let rip but I am so broken. What if he looks at her and thinks "I love her, I made the wrong decision?" Arghhh

exhaustedmumof4 · 02/10/2017 16:30

Broken life I cannot imagine how difficult it must be knowing they are still working together. At least my OH has to cut contact, even if he didn't want to as she's still an addict and he's trying to get clean. He did get all sad at the thought of 'losing her as a friend', fucking asshole. He's already admitted they've got nothing in common, she's not a friend, he just likes the ego strokes she gives him Envy

I take it it's out of the question for your DH the leave his job? I cannot understand why people have affairs at work, when it all comes out as they always do, it just means they've jeopardized their career as well as their family. Why don't these assholes ever think of the consequences?

exhaustedmumof4 · 02/10/2017 16:43

Brokenlife also noticed that your OW has 2 kids, is she married/ in a relationship? If so I'd definitely tell her husband. The only reason I haven't told the boyfriend of my OW (ugh) is because I have no idea who he is and cokewhore OW isn't on social media.

Brokenlife · 02/10/2017 16:49

Thank you exhausted, no he can't change his job, he did offer to resign or look somewhere else but we would be affected financially and decided to give it a go first and see how I feel. I guess today I do feel like maybe he should resign... I feel I can't act naturally to a certain extent as if he has a weak day after one of my meltdowns he may search her sympathy. He says it is out of the question as she would remind him of the damage they've done to our marriage forever.

She's not married she's divorced. There is another guy now in her life but only when they broke it off sexually she went back to an ex boyfriend (maybe to make my H jealous?!) even if they continued to be engaged emotionally. So if I'd find him and tell him it wouldn't make a difference for him. They don't even live together so nothing to tell.

She divorced because of her H's affair. The irony...

Hesanidiot · 02/10/2017 18:34

hello, I've read the thread but had to do it quickly. there are so many aspects that resonate with my own feelings. my dh was really horrible to us when he was falling in love with ow. he seems to think that six weeks into me finding out, that he does the thing I ask and we can move on to the next stage yet I'm still in stage one. I can now visualise the next stage but I'm absolutely not there. It was an emotional affair not physical which does make a difference to me but it doesn't mean it was nothing, lines were crossed and i still feel betrayed.

ppandj · 25/10/2017 10:28

How is everyone doing?

OP posts:
ppandj · 25/10/2017 10:30

@Bumshkawahwah how are you doing nearly a year on? Thought of you because you said it was this time of year when you found out, and I didn't know if you would need somewhere to vent if it is a hard time.

OP posts:
ppandj · 25/10/2017 10:30

@Bumshkawahwah but hope I haven't reminded you if you weren't thinking about it😔

OP posts:
Bumshkawahwah · 25/10/2017 12:07

Hi there, @ppandj

You’re quite right, I’m just coming up to it being a year since I found out. Do I about reminding me, I most definitely have on my mind quite a lot of the time!

I’m more or less OK, a bit unsettled, but mainly I’ll be happy to have got this past year over with. And then I don’t need to spend next year thing ‘this time last year he was doing x y and z with another woman’

How are you doing?

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