Hi Alfie, 
Dh has seemed off or distant the last few days maybe he is keeping his distance as he knows I am tired
Or perhaps he's using emotional blackmail to unsettle you and get you to toe the line.
We’ve had our ups and downs got together when I was young
Its obvious you got together when you were young, during your formative years. Its blinded you to your reality. Its very common.
my mother didn’t approve
Maybe for good reasons she could see but you couldnt.
issues with his 2 sister in laws not liking me 2 brothers married 2 sisters I was never going to fit in
That must have been hard Alfie, to be up against it like that.
i always thought he should of stuck up for me more but he’s so easy going
Your making excuses for someone who lets you down an awful lot.
they have both sadly died now so things are a lot easier
Thats awful. That things were so bad it only got easier when they died. You're husbands a disgrace.
He chose ridiculous hours at work yes more money so when the kids were younger I basically brought them up on my own
I understand people working long hours and shifts in order to take home more but there are also people who chose to work shifts so they have excuses for being away from the reality of family life and all that goes with it. It can be very much a case of oh nothing can be expected of him - look at the hours he works. But I would put money on there always being time for him to do what he wants to do (and not do) when he's not working.
I work part time so juggled the kids housework and finances
Yes, I can believe you did. And I bet you made a great job of it.
I have probably turned a blind eye to things I shouldn’t but we were a team Alfie and mr Alfie against the world
And thats it in a nutshell' Alfie - Mr and Mrs Alfie against the world.
But the reality is that being against the world is a romantic notion generally used as a compensation for being in a bad situation. Look at all the movies we see where the female lead roll in treated appallingly and the male lead looks at her after thumping her or being caught up to know good and says - its you and me doll, Its you and me against the world. The two minutes later he's skipping down the stairs rubbing his hands together.
Its us against the world???? Nope, its just other words for papering over the cracks. And I imagine you'd really lose face if you were to separate after all these years after the situation with your mum and your SIL's. I mean who would want people to say - ah well her mum warned her, and her SIL's got what they wanted even if its from beyond the grave.
no he hasn’t been a saint but I have always felt secure and loved despite him being a prat at times and not the most romantic bloke.
That in itself is not healthy Alfie. That you would feel secure and loved in what has been, and is, a pretty dire situation if what you've written is anything to go by. Again, it displays how you are very confused about what is healthy and what isn't.
Now I am suspicious of everything he does or says it’s so difficult we should be starting to enjoy us time again now the kids are older
You should be suspicious. But you should be more bothered about the fact that just as he let you down with your SIL's he's letting you down with the OW. Can you see the pattern?
Enjoying your time together as you get older? I don't think he wants what you want. You've had a really hard time and you can't be blamed for thinking oh, it will get better and we'll get our happy ending. But unfortunately I think your husband doesn't want or need from a marriage what you do and if you stay together he'll get his happy ending at the expense of your mental/emotional/physical health because trust me when I tell you that the way you've lived this last 18 months or so in particular will take its toll on you. You'll be driven mad, and you'll either become more of a 'mad bitch' than you are now, or you'll shrivel up and die inside and become like a shadow. You'll also be in line for lots of physical ill health.
Alfie, please go off on your own and have counselling just for you. 