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Original poster

It was all going so well until he said he voted Leave.

331 replies

Locotion · 23/08/2017 09:22

I am sure conflicting politics is a common problem. Shudder. For someone to vote for such a destructive step as flippantly as he said: "just to see what happens" concerns me somewhat.

Aside from that he is very nice. How does one decide whether to take things forward? I guess time will tell? But then.... isnt it more difficult to extract yourself when you are more physically and emotionally entangled.

Oh dear, I don't know what to do. Only had relationship with ex (long term marriage ) & flings. Not sure how things work.

I do like him. But... he voted Leave. And doesnt read. And has lived in thr same place with his family all 4 decades of his live. I read (or did before kids!) & have travelled a bit..... are we compatible?

Oh dear - I sound like I am looking down on his experiences but I guess they are just different ...

Eek

OP posts:
TonicAndTonic · 23/08/2017 11:13

I'd at least want to hear more about his reasons for voting leave, beyond the initial flippant response. If it turns out he'd actually thought about it and it was a considered decision based on how he thought it would affect his life, voting Leave wouldn't be a deal breaker for me. If it was a snap judgement based on tabloid headlines, or peer pressure, or really was purely "just to see what happens" then I'd be questioning his judgement more generally.

Gabilan · 23/08/2017 11:15

Would people REALLY end a relationship over this? Genuine question, not being goady

If it was someone I'd just started dating, I really would stop seeing them, yes. As is becoming more and more apparent, whilst the EU is far from perfect, leaving it will be detrimental to the UK's development culturally and economically.

If I were in a long term, established relationship I'd want a serious talk about it and I'd be re-evaluating how I felt about the person. It would depend on the result of that whether I'd leave or not.

Branleuse · 23/08/2017 11:17

Id definitely dump someone for voting leave

PlinkyTheFairyWitch · 23/08/2017 11:19

It doesn't sound like you've invested too much in this relationship.

The key thing for any partnership is you have to be pulling in the same direction. Absolutely you can have different opinions and disagree on some points, but you have to be going the same fundamental way IMO.

Voting leave for such a stupid reason, contributing to the utter shitstorm that leaving the EU is on the back of such absolute dumbfuckery*, would be a dealbreaker for me. It indicates a lack of thought and concern for the wider world in general. Not my bag at all.

*Some people did vote leave for good reasons. I don't agree with them, but accept they exist.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 23/08/2017 11:23

It's quite clear from your post that you consider yourself above him in more senses than just political.

This.

Interesting that OP started the thread and hasn't been back....

Tw1nsetAndPearls · 23/08/2017 11:24

It's another Daily Mail thread isn't it?

This place is pointless

TheLuminaries · 23/08/2017 11:24

It would not effect an existing, good friendship or relationship, because I would already know and value the individual and can accept we all have our flaws and differences. However, it may stop me wanting to waste my time in seeking to develop a friendship or relationship.

If someone you love does something stupid, you often have to accept and let it go as you know they have other, wonderful qualities. If someone you have just met does something stupid, you are inclined to drop them as it may be illustrative of their character as a whole - there is a big difference.

JetBoyJetGirl · 23/08/2017 11:24

Voting behaviours and political leanings are very important to me. It's not that I think I'm 'better' than others, although I do obviously believe my voting choices are the right ones, otherwise I'd have made different ones!

I understand that it is less important to other people and they wouldn't consider it to be a deal breaker. And that's fine.

Would people REALLY end a relationship over this? Genuine question, not being goady.

I would. Not just the Leave/Remain difference, but such fundamental compatibilities.

I am well spoken and vegetarian. I dumped someone once because he didn't eat any vegetables and had chips with every meal (how would that work?) and he said F and V instead of TH (Ve Fing is - shudder)... We were just too incompatible. You don't have to make it work with someone...

AvoidingCallenetics · 23/08/2017 11:28

If you define racism as a belief that some people are inherently better or worse than others, based solely on their ethnicity then I don't believe that the votes of racists would have made much difference to the outcome. I think this because I truly believe that most people in Britain are not racist, so we are talking about very small numbers.
Otoh, if you think that some leave voters were concerned about their own job prospects wrt EU freedom of movement, then it's say it's fair to say that nationality played a part in how they voted. I don't think that is racist, more about self preservation, which is what generally motivates voting choices in all elections.
But race/nationality wasn't the be all and end all of the leave vote, otherwise you wouldn't have had people who are the children of immigrants voting leave, or people whose spouses are non EU citizens.

BlackStars · 23/08/2017 11:31

there is a very high correlation between leave voters and low levels education and low levels of employment

Seeing as the Leave vote won does that mean that most of our population are ^uneducated and low earning* ? or that the clever high earners (elite snowflakes) couldn't be arsed to vote?

SerfTerf · 23/08/2017 11:31

Voting Leave 'just to see what happens' speaks of a total lack of political engagement, wilful ignorance and to be honest a degree of arrogance -

TBH, it doesn't at all. All it suggests to me is someone that doesn't want to be drawn
onto dangerous political ground so soon in a nascent relationship. "Just to see..." Is a deliberately flippant conversation stopper.

BoneyBackJefferson · 23/08/2017 11:33

whoputthecatout
It is just possible (I said 'just') that some leave voters get fed up with the assumption that they are all thick, knuckle dragging dinosaurs that it becomes too tiresome to get engaged in any debate with some remainers and be subjected to patronising "I'm cleverer and more educated than you thicko" comebacks.

It has already happened on here.

Then the remainers moaned that no-one would engage with them.

Tw1nsetAndPearls · 23/08/2017 11:38

there is a very high correlation between leave voters and low levels education and low levels of employment

But maybe they voted that way because they are the mist affected by migration and so it was - for them - a rational decision and not a stupid one

Bibidy · 23/08/2017 11:39

My OH and I have totally different political views and it doesn't really bother me.

We have chats and debates about it, but ultimately it's not a problem.

I guess it depends on how important politics is in your life. For me and OH, while we have our beliefs and always vote, we're not particularly politically-focused people.

fakenamefornow · 23/08/2017 11:40

If you define racism as a belief that some people are inherently better or worse than others, based solely on their ethnicity then I don't believe that the votes of racists would have made much difference to the outcome. I think this because I truly believe that most people in Britain are not racist, so we are talking about very small numbers.

Odd then that these views dominate the Leave campaigns facebook pages. As I said as well, most people I know irl who voted Leave are raging racists. I admit, my sample might be very heavily weighted though, I would have expected more balance from on-line Leave pages, but they seem to reflect similar weighting. I really don't think we are talking about tiny numbers unless you are only describing those out on the streets waving Nazi flags.

BusterTheBulldog · 23/08/2017 11:41

My husband and I vote VERY differently. The occasional debate that turns into an argument occurs, but I respect that he will have different opinions to me.

Also people change their opinions-what if you ditch him, meet up with him in the future with his new wife and he's changed opinion?

SerfTerf · 23/08/2017 11:42

there is a very high correlation between leave voters and low levels education and low levels of employment

I wish people would stop saying that. No wonder Leave voters don't want to talk to us.

I don't think statistically speaking the correlation was "very high" or even very tight, was it?

CancellyMcChequeface · 23/08/2017 11:42

there is a very high correlation between leave voters and low levels education and low levels of employment

And calling these people thick/racist is easier than considering that this particular demographic might have been very adversely affected by EU membership and voted for their own reasons.

Some Remain voters don't seem very fond of democracy.

I voted Leave and if I thought a partner of mine was having thoughts like the OPs, I'd want to leave them. I'm not well-travelled because I can't afford it - that's another class marker, isn't it? But I read a lot, does that make up for it?

Knope2020 · 23/08/2017 11:46

Can the leavers posting on here answer fakes question please?

Also...low levels of education and employment are due to underfunding from central govt since the 80s and the austerity measures brought in since 2010 - and nothing to do with immigration

Knope2020 · 23/08/2017 11:46

Yes if really was terf

Violetcharlotte · 23/08/2017 11:47

That would be the end for me! I dated someone who voted Tory once. Lovely bloke on the surface, but our values were really different when it came to stuff that really mattered. If I decide to date again in the future I'll be looking for someone who shares similar political beliefs to me.

AvoidingCallenetics · 23/08/2017 11:48

fake I wouldn't judge over half the country by the shit that is posted on fb.

AvoidingCallenetics · 23/08/2017 11:48

I thought I just did knope

Knope2020 · 23/08/2017 11:49

Also...places Like Wales and Cornwall which overwhelmingly voted leave have also been failed by successive govts
Voting leave to "stick it to Westminster" whilst understandable will turn out to be disastrous for these areas
Ask leavers about eurotom or how the nhs will cope without EU staff and they go very quiet
Hubris us not a good reason to vote for anything

Joysmum · 23/08/2017 11:50

there is a very high correlation between leave voters and low levels education and low levels of employment

Given that generally, Leavers are older, surely you'd expect their education level to be lower. Fewer people got the opportunity to do any exams, let alone A levels and then a degree. Doesn't mean they are thick though!

Always tickles me that those who deem themselves superior and more intelligent by pointing this out don't see the irony in doing so Grin