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Original poster

It was all going so well until he said he voted Leave.

331 replies

Locotion · 23/08/2017 09:22

I am sure conflicting politics is a common problem. Shudder. For someone to vote for such a destructive step as flippantly as he said: "just to see what happens" concerns me somewhat.

Aside from that he is very nice. How does one decide whether to take things forward? I guess time will tell? But then.... isnt it more difficult to extract yourself when you are more physically and emotionally entangled.

Oh dear, I don't know what to do. Only had relationship with ex (long term marriage ) & flings. Not sure how things work.

I do like him. But... he voted Leave. And doesnt read. And has lived in thr same place with his family all 4 decades of his live. I read (or did before kids!) & have travelled a bit..... are we compatible?

Oh dear - I sound like I am looking down on his experiences but I guess they are just different ...

Eek

OP posts:
Livingdiisgracefully · 23/08/2017 10:40

Would be a deal breaker for me too. It would be like I didn't know that person at all. With your friends and family, it's possible to have different values but find things you do share that make up for it. With a partner, it's so important for me to share the same values.

I think your current disquiet would become much more difficult to ignore once the honeymoon period is over.

fakenamefornow · 23/08/2017 10:41

I would worry about his other views tbh. It's all very well Leave voters stamping their feet and saying 'we're not racist' but most people I know who voted Leave ARE raging racists. Just have a look at the Leave EU/Vote Leave etc facebook pages, absolutely full of racism.

DistanceCall · 23/08/2017 10:46

It would be a deal breaker for me.

By the way, I can't see what's wrong with believing that your views are better than someone else's, or - in some cases - that you ARE better than other people? I think I'm far better in general than your average UKIP voter. That doesn't make me a monster.

BewareOfDragons · 23/08/2017 10:47

Voting Leave would be a dealbreaker for me, I'm afraid.

Carolinesbeanies · 23/08/2017 10:48

"Leave voters stamping their feet and saying 'we're not racist' but most people I know who voted Leave ARE raging racists"

Oh here we go again, OP hes a racist.Hmm

Well fakenamefornow, you best set your perspective barometer against the Islam/Jihadi debate, it may help before you jump back on the 'all racists vote leave' bandwagon. Or do you in fact use that same logic for muslims?

Gabilan · 23/08/2017 10:49

he voted Leave. And doesnt read. And has lived in thr same place with his family all 4 decades of his live

Those things are related - there is a high correlation between those who haven't lived far from where they were born and those who voted leave. And whilst I don't doubt that a few of those who voted leave did have some intelligent and thought-through reasons, as is becoming more and more evident, those who pushed for leave have no fucking clue what they are doing. In the meantime we're in a total mess and really, I am afraid of what the country's become and don't recognise, or want a part in, the racist, greedy, hate filled society that we are.

If he had carefully considered views I wouldn't mind and would talk things through with him. If he really voted like that "just to see what would happen" then he's part of the problem and I'd walk away.

Knope2020 · 23/08/2017 10:51

I judge people by those they associate with
Leave voters voted knowingly alongside rampant racists, neo nazis and xenophobes
It's all going so well too, isn't it?.....

Macarena1990 · 23/08/2017 10:52

fakenamefornow - all my muslim and jamaican family voted leave.

Terrible racists.

Knope2020 · 23/08/2017 10:53

There is a very high correlation between leave voters and low levels education and low levels of employment
Point that out though, and you'll be accused of being an elite snowflake :)

Macarena1990 · 23/08/2017 10:53

Before someone jumps to correct me and point out that 'muslim' is not a race - that should be middle eastern family.

Carolinesbeanies · 23/08/2017 10:57

"Before someone jumps to correct me and point out that 'muslim' is not a race"

No need for the correction Macarena, wanting controls on migration from the very white EU has been redefined as 'racist'....generally by Guardian readers, or posters here giving relationship advice.

TallulahBetty · 23/08/2017 10:58

Would people REALLY end a relationship over this? Genuine question, not being goady.

fakenamefornow · 23/08/2017 10:58

Well fakenamefornow, you best set your perspective barometer against the Islam/Jihadi debate, it may help before you jump back on the 'all racists vote leave' bandwagon. Or do you in fact use that same logic for muslims?

Oh yes, just dismiss it, nothing to look at here, no racists here. Or, you could go and look at their facebook pages, racists posts getting hundreds of likes and ask what you are aligning yourself with.

Knope2020 · 23/08/2017 10:58
Knope2020 · 23/08/2017 11:00

Yeah...
Global rise of neo nazis, hate attacks up, race attacks up, US is race meltdown...
Nothing to see here
We just want migration controls
LOOK AT WHO YOU VOTED ALONGSIDE

whoputthecatout · 23/08/2017 11:01

It is just possible (I said 'just') that some leave voters get fed up with the assumption that they are all thick, knuckle dragging dinosaurs that it becomes too tiresome to get engaged in any debate with some remainers and be subjected to patronising "I'm cleverer and more educated than you thicko" comebacks.

So a flippant response closes the subject.

Not at all saying that's what happened but it has been known Grin

fakenamefornow · 23/08/2017 11:02

No need for the correction Macarena, wanting controls on migration from the very white EU has been redefined as 'racist'....generally by Guardian readers, or posters here giving relationship advice.

Actually most of the people I know irl and the posts I see online on Vote Leave pages hate (non white) immigrants from outside of the EU even more than they hate EU immigrants.

Gabilan · 23/08/2017 11:02

There's also a large element of "pulling up the drawbridge" amongst the children of immigrants.

Much of the problem, IMO, is that in order to get what they wanted Farage, Gove and Johnson very, very cynically played into the hands of racists to garner that popular vote. It meant that those people who had thought through the issues and decided that the UK was better out of the UK ended up being tarred with the same brush, whether or not they had some decent, non-racists reasons.

That said, whenever I've said to a leave voter "OK, let's talk about this, tell me your (non-racist) reasons" they've either gone very quiet and said there's no point in saying anything or muttered something about the Polish then walked off.

feellikeanalien · 23/08/2017 11:04

I have lived in other countries for over 20 years, am university educated and have loved reading since I was very small.

I too am becoming very weary of the "all leavers are narrow minded thick racists" attitude.

This just typifies the new intolerance which is now worryingly prevalent which says that if you do not agree with a certain point of view you are scum.

Whatever happened to tolerance and lively open debate.

I really despair for our world.

(Sorry for hijacking thread OP but some of the comments on this and other threads really make my blood boil).

As far as your situation is concerned, if the differences between you are worrying you so much at this early stage then maybe you ought to seriously consider if this man is right for you.

Frazzled2207 · 23/08/2017 11:06

This would be a showstopper for me. My dh and I have roughly similar viewpoints on money, politics and religion and I often think it would be very difficult to sustain our relationship if that were not the case.

However I think it's the flippancy that would put me right off not the fact that he voted leave per se. If he had a well-thought argument in favour of leave that I could understand (if such a thing exists!) that would be different.

fakenamefornow · 23/08/2017 11:07

It meant that those people who had thought through the issues and decided that the UK was better out of the UK ended up being tarred with the same brush, whether or not they had some decent, non-racists reasons.

I'm sure some did, very frustrating for them. I would ask them though, if you could take out the people who voted leave for racists reasons, do you think you'd have still won? If not, how do you feel about that?

AvoidingCallenetics · 23/08/2017 11:08

People vote according to what they believe is the best way forward. You can't really expect individuals to consider the motivations of every other voter when making their own political choices. That way madness lies - you will have people voting against what they actually want, in order to cancel out the votes of others. Not really democratic.

Knope2020 · 23/08/2017 11:12

Fake...don't expect an answer to that!

Rufus27 · 23/08/2017 11:13

DP and I rarely vote the same way. To some extent, I think this is down to our different backgrounds and our different professions. However, we respect each other's views and if we do argue politically, it's done in a constructive way (mainly!). Despite voting differently, strangely we do share many similar values and beliefs and I think that's why it still works. It has genuinely never been a problem for us.

SandyY2K · 23/08/2017 11:13

It sounds like you think you're better than him, so it would be best to end it as you're fundamentally different.