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Original poster

It was all going so well until he said he voted Leave.

331 replies

Locotion · 23/08/2017 09:22

I am sure conflicting politics is a common problem. Shudder. For someone to vote for such a destructive step as flippantly as he said: "just to see what happens" concerns me somewhat.

Aside from that he is very nice. How does one decide whether to take things forward? I guess time will tell? But then.... isnt it more difficult to extract yourself when you are more physically and emotionally entangled.

Oh dear, I don't know what to do. Only had relationship with ex (long term marriage ) & flings. Not sure how things work.

I do like him. But... he voted Leave. And doesnt read. And has lived in thr same place with his family all 4 decades of his live. I read (or did before kids!) & have travelled a bit..... are we compatible?

Oh dear - I sound like I am looking down on his experiences but I guess they are just different ...

Eek

OP posts:
FledglingFTB · 23/08/2017 12:13

Surely it's about his reasons for his actions. If you don't agree with them, then it'd be a no.

NameChanger22 · 23/08/2017 12:13

As far as potential partners go I would rule out anyone that reads the Daily Mail/Sun/Star/Telegraph, Tories, anyone supporting far right parties, people who believe in capital punishment, fox hunters, anyone in the police or army, paedophiles, anyone with a criminal conviction, leave voters, sexists, racists, homophobes, men more than 10 years older or younger than me, ugly ones.

I've been single a long time.

It's great.

Gabilan · 23/08/2017 12:13

Given that the results were practically 50/50, how can people possibly dismiss half of the voting population as stupid?

I think much of the problem was that a great variety of views were shoe horned into two categories - it might as well have been designed to split people into two warring camps and I sometimes wonder if it was. As PP have said, there was plenty of room for "stay in, but seek reform" or "I basically like the EU, but have reservations" or "I'd like to leave but recognise we need a much better strategy and negotiating abilities than the current bunch of cockwombles masquerading as government are likely to provide".

Turnout was a shade over 72%, so I wouldn't dismiss half the voting population as stupid, since the 17+ million who voted leave aren't half the voting population. Also, from talking to friends and acquaintances who voted leave what I've noticed is that whilst they aren't stupid, they are in many cases ill-informed. They're not media savvy and so yes, they did believe the propaganda about the NHS. They had no idea about the method for leaving, thought it would be simple and hadn't at all, in any way, thought about the Irish border. So not stupid, no, but not informed about the issues at hand.

BoneyBackJefferson · 23/08/2017 12:14

IceMagic

It would be more informative if it showed those that didn't vote in those categories.

CancellyMcChequeface · 23/08/2017 12:14

There are some people who voted the same way as me who hold racist views that I find repugnant, yes. There are some people who voted the opposite way to me who hold classist views that I find equally repugnant (that unemployed/under-educated people shouldn't be allowed to vote, for a start).

The argument is a little like 'but Hitler was a vegetarian, so you should eat meat.' Nonsensical. There were only two voting options. Either way you're going to be voting alongside people with distasteful opinions. It's not a sound reason on which to base your decision.

BoneyBackJefferson · 23/08/2017 12:15

IceMagic

Thank you should be in there as well.

MsHarry · 23/08/2017 12:15

"stay in, but seek reform"
Didn't David Cameron try that?

YokoReturns · 23/08/2017 12:15

blackstars why would anyone 'regret' voting Remain? We're leaving the EU so none of the Remain votes count. The opinion of 48% of the voters has been ignored. My only regret is that Remainers have zero input into what kind of Brexit we get (same for Leavers, although I suspect many would like the 'jump off a cliff' version).

SerfTerf · 23/08/2017 12:16

I think much of the problem was that a great variety of views were shoe horned into two categories - it might as well have been designed to split people into two warring camps and I sometimes wonder if it was.

I KWYM gab.

GavelRavel · 23/08/2017 12:20

I would normally say give it a chance, love will triump etc but, I have to say, in this case I think move along.

My DP of 20 years voted leave and I am really struggling with it. We have always voted differently and he doesn't read. In the early days of our relationship it didn't matter as we were travelling, partying, happy go lucky, having fun. Now, it really, does if I'm honest. Especially as men seem to get more grumpy/entrenched in their opinions as they hit middle age. If you're struggling now it will only get worse.

BlackStars · 23/08/2017 12:20

Turnout was a shade over 72%, so I wouldn't dismiss half the voting population as stupid, since the 17+ million who voted leave aren't half the voting population.

No just the ones who could be bothered to actually exercise their right to a vote - and people think they are the stupid ones.

Maybe if all these intelligent, high earning, well informed voters had bothered to actually vote things might be different................

plantsitter · 23/08/2017 12:21

I could not have a relationship with someone who voted to leave the EU. Not unless they could give me a reason that I agreed with as to why they did. Otherwise it's just reckless fucking up of my children's lives Nobody has said anything to convince me it's sensible so far.

Knope2020 · 23/08/2017 12:22

It was a poorly organised advisory referendum

I think there are a LOT of remainers like me who just want the govt to bloody get on with it - with people who are able and intelligent amd actuslly have some idea what they are talking about - like kier starmer. I would welcome a cross party commission but that will never happen now...the Tories will have to own brexit and the decades of stagnation that will follow.
DR and LF are making the UK a laughing stock

Joysmum · 23/08/2017 12:23

My only regret is that Remainers have zero input into what kind of Brexit we get

You do realise that a Remain government is in charge of Brexit!

What gets me as a Leaver, is how a Remain government is far more hard Brexit (for want of a better term) than I am! Confused

I thought having a Remain government seeing in the changes would give us a softer Brexit (again for want of a better term.

If Brexit was going to be that much of a disaster, why are Remainers behind such an extreme Brexit?

SerfTerf · 23/08/2017 12:27

We're going to get a soft Brexit, when all the nonsense is over.

But the PP who is suspicious of this thread is probably onto something.

NameChanger22 · 23/08/2017 12:28

You do realise that a Remain government is in charge of Brexit!

More of pseudo remain government, if you ask me. People were lied to and manipulated in so many ways.

Slimthistime · 23/08/2017 12:32

OP I wonder if he said to you "to see what happens" because he didn't want to explain himself for real. You could ask him that and see if you get his real reasons?

on the other stuff - I did once date someone who didn't read any fiction and I am obsessed with fiction, didn't matter. I can see the appeal of living in the same place for 40 years. Some might argue that I have as I've always been either in London or 15 miles away from central London (I feel like different boroughs can be like different planets but some might say it's nowhere near having lived in London for a while and then Somerset). Whether or not it makes a difference to the world view, I don't know.

I have travelled but generally don't like it. Again, not really sure it makes a difference to anything. My friends travels loads and I don't feel we are madly different because of it.

YokoReturns · 23/08/2017 12:35

joysmum no, it really isn't a 'Remain' government, it's a 'hold onto power at any cost even if it means delivering a Hard Brexit' government.

SerfTerf · 23/08/2017 12:37

Any thoughts OP?

fakenamefornow · 23/08/2017 12:41

So not stupid, no, but not informed about the issues at hand.

I read for hours and hours and hours before the ref admittedly not just to reseach my vote but because it interested me. I followed both Leave and Remain facebook groups and read lots of the articles linked. I probably put in 200 hours which was miles more than anybody else I know. I didn't even scratch the surface of the amount of knowledge you needed to make a properly informed decision on this. Even before the ref there was loads of racist posts on the Vote Leave facebook pages, they definitely seem to have increased since then though, maybe better moderation back then?

I think politicians who claim that saying the electorate was too uninformed to decide this is an insult to the electorate are wrong We are too ill-informed and it's unfair and unrealistic to expect us not to be, and it's all just part of the anti-expert agenda at the moment.

PlinkyTheFairyWitch · 23/08/2017 12:44

it's a 'hold onto power at any cost even if it means delivering a Hard Brexit' government

It's a deeply divided and barely controllable party that can't tell its arse from its elbow, has no idea what it's doing and is clinging to power by the very tippy tips of its fingers, bunging taxpayers' money to regressive minority parties to do so, while pedalling furiously behind the scenes to work out how to make it look like they're doing something they know they shouldn't.

If a week is a long time in politics, two years are an eternity. I only wish I could watch this farce from somewhere that won't be so deeply affected by it.

fakenamefornow · 23/08/2017 12:45

Tories will have to own brexit and the decades of stagnation that will follow.

Why do you think we should 'just get on with it' if you think that will be the result?

OuaisMaisBon · 23/08/2017 12:48

I agree with AntiHop when she says "For me, shared political views is a very important part of compatibility." Oddly, the older I get and the longer I have been married to my husband, the more I realise that almost subconsciously, I had been judging my previous partners on their political views and in most cases moved on because of fundamental differences between us, even if we never had arguments about politics.

BoneyBackJefferson · 23/08/2017 12:52

fakenamefornow

But what did the remain campaign do? They did nothing, they sat back and put forward the "your racist and thick if you vote to leave".

They thought that they had already won the vote.

They were thick and bigoted in their views and by the time they realised that it was by no means a sure fire victory the damage had been done.

So I feel that a huge amount of this leavers are stupid, misinformed racists is to cover the backs of those that made the campaign mistakes in the first place.

IVFNewbie · 23/08/2017 12:53

I think you're overthinking it. You clearly just not that into him.