I think I want to leave my df

[Maddogs]

So we have been together 3 years. I was 18 months out of a really bad 10 year relationship with the only joy a DD.

DF has a DS. When he is here the kids ask me to play board games, sing, bake etc.

There is so much I could say. He begged for a dog (now have 2) Never walks them. He doesn't contribute financially other than take aways and frilly stuff.

Embarrasses me in front of my parents re money and entitlement.

Straw that broke my back? Went shopping for camping holiday. He told my DD pick what you want.
Then said ring grandad to pay for it and started putting what she picked back.

I walked out carrying a crying confused child and screamed like a banshee in the car park at him. How fucking dare he do that to a child!!!

Today he pretended it was all in my head. That he is stressed at work, is sorry but won't admit what he did. Is trying to make it about me being moody.

I think I've just hit a road block emotionally.
Meant to be getting married next year. Am I over reacting?

There is no point - you've caught yourself a cocklodger. Luckily it's your home so iris easy to get rid of him.

Oh please get rid of him. PLEASE.

Your depression will most likely vanish. You and dd can snuggle up and feel safe.

He's using you for your financial security.

We will be as charming as he needs to keep the arrangement going, but the mask will slip every now and again and you'll see the real man.

It's your home, kick him out (but please don't send the dog with him) he is incapable of looking after another living creature.

He's a twat and you need to get rid.

So what's your plan?

Fuck that. My daughters 6 and I would be furious if someone did that to her in a supermarket, I can imagine my daughter being so upset... you don't be nasty to a child.

Do not marry him!! He's a twat. Boot him the fuck out!!! He will never learn, it will get worse.

Let us know when you've changed the locks.

Absolutely don't marry him.
Yes... he will take you for half of YOUR DD inheritance!
You don't even need to hesitate about this.
Get your plan in place.
Give him 2 weeks to move out and leave it at that.
I'm sorry it's got to this but you know what to do.

"But DF is a poor excuse form functional human but do you view him as abusive?"

Yes

PK's post earlier on is bang on. You have simply gone from one abusive relationship into yet another abusive one. The Freedom Programme could help you end particularly with regards to spotting red flags and boundary settings. You state yourself that your fences need raising and you are so right. Your relationship bar is that low that this individual manoeuvred his way into your home and your lives at great cost to yourself and your DD. Is this example really what she needs to be learning about relationships, that yes men do treat women like this?. No.

I have no doubt at all you were targeted by this individual; some cocklodgers do go for single mums because they think they are that desperate for some male company that they would put up with anything. I also think he is a huge factor in your depression as well.

Save yourself the divorce and do not marry him. This relationship is well and truly over and has been for some considerable time. He love bombed you and manipulated you thoroughly.

So we are going on holiday tomorrow with friends. Already booked. I spent a night listening how he had been bamboozled into spending 'his' money on camping gear etc.

Also that at our wedding he would resent every bite of food my parents ate as he had paid for it.

I exploded and told him it was over, predictably he is now mr nice guy.

I have a night of packing ahead whilst he is in work. All he cares about is me finding his garmin watch. I told him twice I don't know where it is. It isn't mine and he should know where he put it.

He rang on the way to work to ask again about the fucking watch. Told him not my top priority. Then he hung up on me!!

Away for 6 days. It'll be interesting. I feel disengaged emotionally and that this is on it's death knell. I'm only going for my friends and the kids.

Oh and he also apologised to DD after she said to him what a horrible day she had. Big of him isn't it? He should have apologised straight away. Instead he minimised it and said she was just a kid and it wouldn't affect her

Is he going on holiday too?

I feel so annoyed with myself. What have I got invisibly tattooed 'welcome, please wipe here'?

I work in a professional job helping people (public sector) all day. I seem to be doing it throughout my life. Kindness, decency and respect are all I ask. Not too much surely?

Unfortunately yes. After I told him fine, no problem I will go alone. Sudden u turn and now he all excited

It's going to be hell isnt it?

Oh lord, tell him he can't come and you want him out by the time you are back. What a nobber!

Tell him he can't come away. Tell him it is over.

Yes tell him he can't come! Find your anger!!

Actually really would be uncomfortable leaving him alone in my house. I think he has the ability to be a nasty bastard and we could come home to half of my stuff gone. If he viewed me as the mad cow who dumped him all niceness would be gone.

I'd prefer to be in control of what leaves here.

He also isn't all horrible (I know cycle of nice and nasty). But he is entitled and has a massive ego. He can also be kind, thoughtful and gentle. He likes to fish and I don't know right now I feel like I'm on a line myself. Being played until he can pull me to shore. He isn't stupid, he knows I'm thinking about a future without him in it, and that I'm not crying about it.

Also that at our wedding he would resent every bite of food my parents ate as he had paid for it.

He's crazy.
He's not marriage material.

Good job for ending it.

Why does he feel your parents should pay.... At his age.

I don't know how you can stomach going on holiday with him TBH. I wouldn't have the patience.

He isn't stupid, he knows I'm thinking about a future without him in it

So it's not definitely over then?

He sounds very self centred. Everything is all about him, he doesn't seem to care about anyone else, including you. He doesn't contribute anything to this relationship, from what you have said. Not time, not money, not housework, not laughter and certainly not love.

Ideally, you want to kick him out now and get the locks changed. You don't want him having free access to your stuff while you're away on the holiday he's not going to be enjoying with you.

I would get rid of him, tell your family and friends so they know what's what and can support you both physically and emotionally.

I spoke at length to my mum last night. They are right behind me, but also away on holiday. The timing is crap.

He has a temper. An explosive one. So far verbal but when backed into a corner? I do t know, I am apprehensive about confronting him alone with only DD in the house. And no family back up.

So yes I'm going on holiday, he is coming, I will 'manage' it to the best of my abilities and because friends will be there it will be easier.

He also alienated my bff of over ten years.

God put it all down and I've been living sodding text book of narcissism haven't I?

BFF then parents. Which would leave me with friendship group that wasn't close.

BFF - best friend

What is DF in this context?

You seem to be making a huge meal out of this, when everything suggests you would be better off without him. What's stopping you asking him to leave?