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Original poster

Something has just this second happened with Dp, I don't know how I feel (sex related)

992 replies

Azerothian · 18/08/2017 22:34

I've just come upstairs, I'm actually shaking and crying but I don't know if I'm overreacting or not.

And I'm really sorry but I have to describe certain sexual acts briefly or this post won't make sense (I've seen trigger warnings on here before but don't know how to do them, sorry)

I was downstairs with dp after just managing to get dc to sleep. He initiated sex and I was initially into it. During this time we did do anal sex and I agreed.

The dp went for a 'fag break' (it's actually an e-cig)

When he came back we started to have normal sex but then he wanted to do anal again. I said no because it was now sore.

He was behind me and kept trying.

I started to feel panicky and said no again twice and that I didn't want to. He carried on.

I completely froze, I've never felt anything like it. I wanted him to stop but I just didn't move. Didn't make any effort to push him off or get away. Just locked up.

He stopped and asked what the matter was an if I was ok after about a minute. I started shaking and crying.

He said sorry and that I had only said no quietly. I didn't answer and he said he was really sorry, now knew where the line was and would never do it again.

Then he said 'I'm not going to prison now am I? Was that rape?'

I just said 'don't worry I'm not going to call the police on you' and came upstairs.

I can see in my phone that he has text a few times saying 'I love you' while I've been writing this message.

One half of me wants to cuddle him and pretend it didn't happen, the other half feels like screaming and throwing him out and never looking at him again.

Am I overreacting? He says it's just a mistake but I feel so wrong about it.

OP posts:
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Original poster
Azerothian · 18/08/2017 23:32

Sorry but 'pee out of a window' actually brought a smile to my face so thank you!

Dd's spare potty will come in handy tonight.

OP posts:
C0untDucku1a · 18/08/2017 23:32

Phone 101 then. I found 101 call
Handlers so supportive when ive phoned.

lollipop7 · 18/08/2017 23:32

God you poor thing, this is dreadful 💐

I would only second , third and fourth etc what others have said if you are scared call the police. He has sexually assaulted you, you are terrified and it is your house.

What a bastard

KarlosKKrinkelbeim · 18/08/2017 23:33

You will not be wasting time. You have just been raped, you are locked in your room, dc in house, he's crashing about downstairs.
I think they'll come pretty fucking quick for that one.

GettingScaredNow · 18/08/2017 23:34

You were raped.
And are now locked in a bedroom with a child, scared of a man banging things downstairs.

Your not a time waster your a priority.

Please call them.

MammaTJ · 18/08/2017 23:34

You will not be wasting their time, he is trying to make you feel threatened. Phone 999, this is absolutely what they are there for.

You have been raped and your rapist is still in the building. Ring them!!

SnowiestMountain · 18/08/2017 23:34

Has he ever done this banging about before or just tonight??

Original poster
Azerothian · 18/08/2017 23:35

I keep flip flopping, is that usual?

One minute it's almost a horror at what's happened and the next I feel like I'm overreacting even though I know I'm not really.

I do want my mum. I think I will wait until the morning though, we should be ok in here until then.

OP posts:
GettingScaredNow · 18/08/2017 23:35

Don't delete those messages. They show so much towards his mind set at the time.

Keep posting OP.

RaeSkywalker · 18/08/2017 23:35

You wouldn't be wasting their time.

Heaveniswaiting · 18/08/2017 23:35

You're not wasting their time, if you're worried call them. Are all your children in the room with you?

Putyourhandsintheair · 18/08/2017 23:35

You are not wasting their time. Call them if you feel you need them. This is now intimidation and is all part of the assault. Please don't sit there on your own afraid. Call your mum or the police if you need them. No one will think you are stupid or making a fuss.

TheRugbyValkyrie · 18/08/2017 23:35

Big, big squishy hugs for you, Azerothian, I'm so sorry this has happened to you.
As others have said, don't try to rush into feeling anything. You will need time to process what has happened.
The centre sounds like an excellent plan and if it IS a SARC clinic make sure you get the contacts to be able to see a counsellor, as Karmin suggested.
Wrap yourself up, watch your comedy films and try to get as much rest as you can.

GettingScaredNow · 18/08/2017 23:36

You shouldn't have to be ok locked in a bedroom in your own house.

This is what the service is for. You deserve protection from this man.

LEMtheoriginal · 18/08/2017 23:36

Wasting who's time? Certainly not the police! That's what they are there for.

Saying that YOU may just prefer to try and get soMe rest and hopefully he will respect that and quieter down.

You say you CO sleep with dd so does he sleep in another room usually or will he want to come to bed?

Putyourhandsintheair · 18/08/2017 23:36

Yes th flip flopping is normal I promise you. Please call someone.

Original poster
Azerothian · 18/08/2017 23:37

No he's never banged anything around before. No bangs happening at the minute.

OP posts:
KarlosKKrinkelbeim · 18/08/2017 23:37

I think it's very difficult to assimilate when someone we think we know behaves so badly to us.
Looked at objectively, your situation would entirely justify you involving the police right now, however. You would not be wasting time and they would not think that.

LadyPenelope68 · 18/08/2017 23:37

If you are locked up in a bedroom with you child, and feeling like you need your Mum (which is totally normal), then please, please call the Police. You will not be wasting their time, you've been taped, the perpetrator is still in YOUR house and trying to intimidate you. Please ring them

PickAChew · 18/08/2017 23:38

Ignore his pity party and take care of yourself. he clearly heard your "no" however quiet he claimed it was. Flowers

LEMtheoriginal · 18/08/2017 23:38

We are here for you Flowers

WhatWouldGenghisDo · 18/08/2017 23:38

Very usual, it will take time to sort it all out in your head and you might have all sorts of emotional reactions while that's happening. There's no right or wrong way to react. Be kind to yourself.

MammaTJ · 18/08/2017 23:38

Flip flopping is normal.what he did is not. Please get help now. I worry about you, even behind a locked door. All will not be well when you open it in the morning and he is still the other side. He will gaslight you.

SparklyUnicornPoo · 18/08/2017 23:39

I know he heard it because he answered me back each time

Oh darling, there is no excuse. He heard you. It is all too easy to minimise it in your own head but you can't let him think this is ok. Take the DC to your mum's and go to the centre tomorrow, you don't have to report it but should you decide later that you want to having been checked out will help.

You will feel numb and confused, you are in shock. Flowers Don't feel stupid, your emotions are all over the place because of the shock but whatever he texts you, you said no and he definitely heard you and knew that you had said no, if he loved you, if he was even a half decent human being, no would have meant no.

SnowiestMountain · 18/08/2017 23:39

So the banging around shows that he's continuing to behave abnormally and his behaviour continues to be unpredictable.

OP I can't bear the thought of you being locked in your bedroom with your DD, if you're not ready to involve the police is there anybody else you could call, even to just be on the phone with you? I'm so sorry that this has happened.