Something has just this second happened with Dp, I don't know how I feel (sex related)

[Azerothian]

I've just come upstairs, I'm actually shaking and crying but I don't know if I'm overreacting or not.

And I'm really sorry but I have to describe certain sexual acts briefly or this post won't make sense (I've seen trigger warnings on here before but don't know how to do them, sorry)

I was downstairs with dp after just managing to get dc to sleep. He initiated sex and I was initially into it. During this time we did do anal sex and I agreed.

The dp went for a 'fag break' (it's actually an e-cig)

When he came back we started to have normal sex but then he wanted to do anal again. I said no because it was now sore.

He was behind me and kept trying.

I started to feel panicky and said no again twice and that I didn't want to. He carried on.

I completely froze, I've never felt anything like it. I wanted him to stop but I just didn't move. Didn't make any effort to push him off or get away. Just locked up.

He stopped and asked what the matter was an if I was ok after about a minute. I started shaking and crying.

He said sorry and that I had only said no quietly. I didn't answer and he said he was really sorry, now knew where the line was and would never do it again.

Then he said 'I'm not going to prison now am I? Was that rape?'

I just said 'don't worry I'm not going to call the police on you' and came upstairs.

I can see in my phone that he has text a few times saying 'I love you' while I've been writing this message.

One half of me wants to cuddle him and pretend it didn't happen, the other half feels like screaming and throwing him out and never looking at him again.

Am I overreacting? He says it's just a mistake but I feel so wrong about it.

Given your username, browsing MMO Champion and Dark Legacy comics might distract you for a bit?

Karmin it is one of those yes. They look pretty good on the website. God knows what state I'll be in talking to them, I was bawling just typing what happened on here.

The house is in my name, I've never been so happy that we haven't been married yet!

Not a bad idea Karmin!

Anger will come. But it serves you no purpose at this point.
Right now your in survival and your in waiting.
Give in to what your feeling, numbness serves a purpose. Let it wash over you.

You have a plan, go about it. The stages will change on their own.
Excellent plan too. That centre sounds great.

You are not stupid. You are in shock. The anger will come later. For now stay safe. First thing tomorrow get help at the centre you mentioned. Think about telling your mum. Do you have someone that can go with you?
Telling that his initial response was about rape and prison rather than he had traumatised or physically hurt you.

Amazing the house is in your name. Then he has no legal say on staying. When he goes out change the locks and that's the end of him in the property!

He keeps slamming around down there! If he keeps it up he'll wake the dc.

He's never been physically violent or shown any tendency for that but the banging is making me nervous.

I'm pretty sure anger will come, but you've just had your bodily autonomy taken from you - that's a shocking thing to happen to a person, especially if it's someone you trusted who is responsible. There's no right way to feel.

So sorry OP. He is massively trying to backtrack. He knows exactly what he did.

Consider calling your mum. Even if she isn't in good health, if you were my DD I'd want to help, any time, any place.

I'm worried that's it's been an hour since you posted and he's still banging things.

Please don't hesitate to call 999 if your scared.

Give yourself permission to feel numb, confused, whatever else you feel for a while. Look after yourself as you would look after somebody else to whom this had happened (more )

Luck more than amazing really. He had a really bad credit rating, my mum gifted a deposit I'll probably never be able to pay back.

It's not a big house but at least it's mine. I'm not sure I really want to stay in it at the minute though. The thought of sitting in that living room is turning my stomach.

If you are scared, call the police on 999

Op please get help. At the very least ask him to leave and give you some space xxx

Yes, call 999 if you feel worried. It's what they're there for

It sounds like whenever he is opening a cupboard door or the back door he is slamming them as hard as possible. It's not constant but enough to make me jump.

I suspect he thinks if he makes enough noise you will engage with him to find out what's happening and to pacify him. Don't go downstairs. Nothing good will come of talking to him at the moment and if he's unpredictable you definitely don't want any part of that. Pee out of your window if you need to but don't go out of the room tonight, whilst he's awake, unless you've at least one more adult in the house or are on your way out the door.

it sounds like he might be trying to intimidate you(?) If he ramps it up in any way I think you should call the police.

It doesn't matter what you consented to just before he raped you. You said no. He heard you say no and continued. That's rape and he knows it.

No wonder you're in shock. Don't listen to his excuses. I hope the centre can help you tomorrow

Can you text him and ask him to give you some space that you'll talk to him tomorrow? (Not that you have to but it might stop him from escalating). Of course you must call the police if you don't feel safe. Does he live with you?

He knows he isn't making this into your fault like he wants to and he's panicking, that's what he's doing downstairs. If he carries on and you are scared, please consider phoning the police and getting him out of the house.

He is trying to make you feel bad for him. He's bashing around. I would bet he will punch a wall or similar to "show" how sorry he is, by injuring himself. Ignore him. And if he gets aggressive or shouting at you, or drunk, phone the police.

I know this sounds stupid but I'd feel like I was wasting time if I called 999.

I don't feel threatened really just jumpy.

Sorry this happened op.

Worry about the house later, you can move.
This is step 1.
And I really think you should get him out of the house.
I know I felt 10 millions times better the very second my ex was taken away. It gives you space to breathe and grieve.