I've just come upstairs, I'm actually shaking and crying but I don't know if I'm overreacting or not.
And I'm really sorry but I have to describe certain sexual acts briefly or this post won't make sense (I've seen trigger warnings on here before but don't know how to do them, sorry)
I was downstairs with dp after just managing to get dc to sleep. He initiated sex and I was initially into it. During this time we did do anal sex and I agreed.
The dp went for a 'fag break' (it's actually an e-cig)
When he came back we started to have normal sex but then he wanted to do anal again. I said no because it was now sore.
He was behind me and kept trying.
I started to feel panicky and said no again twice and that I didn't want to. He carried on.
I completely froze, I've never felt anything like it. I wanted him to stop but I just didn't move. Didn't make any effort to push him off or get away. Just locked up.
He stopped and asked what the matter was an if I was ok after about a minute. I started shaking and crying.
He said sorry and that I had only said no quietly. I didn't answer and he said he was really sorry, now knew where the line was and would never do it again.
Then he said 'I'm not going to prison now am I? Was that rape?'
I just said 'don't worry I'm not going to call the police on you' and came upstairs.
I can see in my phone that he has text a few times saying 'I love you' while I've been writing this message.
One half of me wants to cuddle him and pretend it didn't happen, the other half feels like screaming and throwing him out and never looking at him again.
Am I overreacting? He says it's just a mistake but I feel so wrong about it.