Something has just this second happened with Dp, I don't know how I feel (sex related)

[Azerothian]

I've just come upstairs, I'm actually shaking and crying but I don't know if I'm overreacting or not.

And I'm really sorry but I have to describe certain sexual acts briefly or this post won't make sense (I've seen trigger warnings on here before but don't know how to do them, sorry)

I was downstairs with dp after just managing to get dc to sleep. He initiated sex and I was initially into it. During this time we did do anal sex and I agreed.

The dp went for a 'fag break' (it's actually an e-cig)

When he came back we started to have normal sex but then he wanted to do anal again. I said no because it was now sore.

He was behind me and kept trying.

I started to feel panicky and said no again twice and that I didn't want to. He carried on.

I completely froze, I've never felt anything like it. I wanted him to stop but I just didn't move. Didn't make any effort to push him off or get away. Just locked up.

He stopped and asked what the matter was an if I was ok after about a minute. I started shaking and crying.

He said sorry and that I had only said no quietly. I didn't answer and he said he was really sorry, now knew where the line was and would never do it again.

Then he said 'I'm not going to prison now am I? Was that rape?'

I just said 'don't worry I'm not going to call the police on you' and came upstairs.

I can see in my phone that he has text a few times saying 'I love you' while I've been writing this message.

One half of me wants to cuddle him and pretend it didn't happen, the other half feels like screaming and throwing him out and never looking at him again.

Am I overreacting? He says it's just a mistake but I feel so wrong about it.

I'm worried about you, too, OP.
Is he still banging about down there?

Has he stopped the banging op?

I'm sorry OP. I've been in this situation and understand struggling with how you're feeling. I hope you're safe.

I hope you're ok. I'm glad everyone/thing except him is in with you. I wish you could call someone.

I'm going to go against the grain here and unless there is a back story. A 1 minute fuck up is a serious serious fuck up. But for me it would be how he was dealing with it. Is he taking full responsibility for his actions and realising he has crossed a line. Has he ever done anything like this before. Do you trust that he would realise how serious this was and never be likely to repeat anything like it. To me it sounds like he didn't realise the stupudity and enormity of his actions. He was being selfish and thinking only of his own pleasure. If this is a steep learning curve that he will learn and adapt his own behaviour so he is aware and never does it again then...

Yes its tecnically rape. Yes its wrong. But sometimes people read a situation wrong. I'd like to hope if i ever fucked up in a relationship I'd be given the benefit of the doubt.

However, if you feel threatened or this is typical for him... not just sexually but a general disregard for your feelings or he tries to make this your fault in anyway or he doesn't without question respect how you want to deal with this then keep yourself safe and get help.

But you are fully entitled to feel however you do.

@Azerothian Hope you are ok and have fallen asleep? Just wondered in regards to the banging downstairs, could he be trying to get you to come out and engage with him (like other posters have said)?

I apologise for this and I'm not intentionally trying to freak you out (further) but could he be looking around the house for something to open the door with? IME when younger, my boundaries (physical and emotional) were ignored and entirely overstepped (IYKWIM) and I now have a heightened sense of caution, anxiety and distrust in others.

Again, hope you're safe and get to speak to someone (anyone) just to get it out x

Yes, sorry, no more bangs since the last one.

Have had a new text though.

Apparently it's ok because he didn't 'finish'. So he gets fucking points for stopping apparently. Oh and if I really think it was a rape I should call the police.

He managed to get sarcasm across in a text. Fucking sarcasm, after doing this to me!

God op I'm so angry for you. How fucking dare he text you that. He is VILE.

You be actually pushed the drawers up against the door. They are pretty heavy, I know it seems extreme but it made me feel I could relax more.

I think he is trying to get me to talk to him so he can make me feel silly. I'm refusing. Though that text nearly got an answer.

Sorry, 'I've' pushed the drawers up to the door.

Sofabitch.....he does not have the right to be selflish and think only of his own pleasure with someone else's body. He heard her say no, he tried to talk her into it, he heard her say no again but carried on regardless. If he was taking full responsibility for his actions she wouldn't be locked in her bedroom.

Ignore my last post. His tedts make him sound like a grade A bell end.

I'm sorry this is happening. If he respcted you. He would be taking full responsibility for his actions.

Can you ask him to leave?

Very tempting to text back, "police on way".

Seriously though, screenshot those texts.

Call the police honey, it really was rape. Don't let him diminish what he did and totally ignore how you are feeling.

Would he leave if you asked him?

Please ring the police now. He is taking the piss!!!!

Sorry, but if you're scared enough that you need to lock and barricade your bedroom you really should be calling the police. You shouldn't have to go to ground in your own house and suffer through the night after what's happened to you.

I think you should call the police. It's really concerning that he is reacting this way and that you feel so unsafe. You need an outcome where he cannot for a second pretend this wasn't completely unacceptable or minimise how it has made you feel. Calling a spade a spade or a rape rape seems an important step.

I did just try to call them, I really thought I was going to do it. I thought 'I'll show you, you fucker'

But I chickened out, I feel so fucking weak. I know I should be doing something but I'm just sat here crying again instead.

Do it love, not for revenge, but because you're sitting crying and scared, barricaded in your bedroom. It's not right.

Even if you say it's just a row and you're scared, they may come and remove him.

Can you get a friend to come round? You sound really scared for your safety. You need to get him out of the house. Very sorry this has happened to you.

The overall tone of the message is that I'm doing this to him, I'm going to overreact and ruin everything and he's just a normal loving guy who made a mistake.

Well I think the priority is making sure you're safe tonight and I think if he continues in the same vein with the rediculous texts and banging around etc then either you need to leave or he needs to leave. The police will definitely come out and help you and calling 999 isn't over the top in this situation.

If you decide for any reason that you don't want to call the police - and you're sure of your safety tonight- then you can self refer to a SARC as has already been mentioned - in London there are 3 and they're called Havens. They will take all the relevant forensic samples and provide any practical assistance they can while you work out what you want to do. If nothing else please keep any clothing you may have been wearing ( particularly underwear) and stick it in a clean plastic bag if you have one - something like a sandwich bag is fine, and hide it away. It may be helpful if you decide to report to police at a later date. ( there is no time limit on how long you can leave it) If I were you I would seriously consider if this is the type of person you want near your children and family?

You're not weak, not at all.