I lost my closest friend to my husband (no affair involved!)

[revolution909]

Basically my closest friend and my DH have become so close that it's impossible to rant about him with her as she feels she's right in the middle. I also realised she clearly has more friends than me (she used to claim she didn't) and basically have felt like a bit of a loser the past few days. I actually have no more friends than her and that realisation makes me want to cry. I work full time from home.. so that makes things a lot more difficult. I've tried with the mums from school and we just don't click. i think my best bet is joining my local running club as I spent most of my free time running. But yes in a nutshell I'm kind of sad I've lost her to my husband! I was happier with her being primarily my friend and that she was just "friendly" with DH.

I'm always suspicious of men who "definitely don't find [insert specific woman's name here] attractive".

Sorry OP but this won't end well.

Don't be so naive OP

Huh? A friend is a friend regardless of who else they are friends with. I don't understand that just because she's friends with dh she can't be your friend.

Really?? I just don't buy it. I love my DH but he's definitely a "downgrade" is we only go by looks!

Oh dear.

Don't be so naive OP
As above.

Don't be dozy. She's after your man. She's pretty much got him, from the sound of things. Except that I don't believe in 'your man' as a concept and I don't believe men can be stolen. But I do believe that opportunities can be both offered and sought, and that opportunities can be taken.

but there's no sexual tension between them! Plus she's been an awesome friend. If there was some attraction between then i could get it, but there isn't. They're just good friends. I can only think of bizarre Machiavellian reasons of why it could be what you suggest but nope!

Oh OP

bizarre Machiavellian reasons

Such as?

OP - You sound such a kind lovely person.
And it's partly because of this that I'm bloody fuming about your 'friend' who is now best friends with your husband.
I don't like the sound of her - Really sorry to be so blunt. xx

If they are not fucking each other they want to

I would not like this at all.

You had one close friend and your dh just happens to have developed such a close friendship with her that she now feels her loyalty lies with him instead of you . . .hmm.
If you're not as close with her anymore, cut back on the time you spend with her and the time you all spend together as couples. See if your DH follows your lead on how to deal with this 'friend'. It shouldn't be a great loss to him since he seems to have other friends too.

Just good friends. How many times has that tired old phrase been trotted out. Be aware that an affair is possible. Because it is.

According to DH her DH finds me attractive (but also according to him most men do!) So maybe it's some sort of twisted revenge? But again, I mean she has a "hot" husband why trade down? Unless I don't understand affairs and I only think they're based on looks.

I don't know why you think your DH would be honest with you if he fancied her.

But I understand that you think he'd be a downgrade for her. But then maybe she feels like he 'understands' her anxiety etc.

After a certain point, it's not all about looks.

I don't know, there may be nothing going on beyond her feeling like she's his friend so she wants to be loyal to him in way that's, frankly annoying in a bf.But it all sounds a bit incestuous.

It's the fact that the dynamic has changed that would bother me.

You seem to have a very poor opinion of your husband 'trade down' is a horrible. Perhaps your ex BH thinks he is wonderful and that is just about all it will take. I would be very uncomfortable with the situation.

Oh I know it might sound that way, but no.. He's a great guy and he's good looking in his own style, he's also very smart and has a sexy, sexy voice. The difference is that her DH is more "universally" attractive so to speak and she has mentioned in the past of how "out of her league" he's supposed to be.

so he just said no comment to her looks?

thats not saying he doesnt fancy her is it

Well yeah, the 'no comment' was dodgy.

Yeah no comments this last time, but he's said in the past she's definitely not as attractive as me. He's mentioned his feet are "gorgeous" and her boobs “terrifying “

Perhaps if she feels her DH is 'out of her league' she might feel more comfortable with your DH.

I'm assuming you meant her feet?

He's not going to say she's more attractive than you though is he? If he has any sense.