I lost my closest friend to my husband (no affair involved!)

[revolution909]

Basically my closest friend and my DH have become so close that it's impossible to rant about him with her as she feels she's right in the middle. I also realised she clearly has more friends than me (she used to claim she didn't) and basically have felt like a bit of a loser the past few days. I actually have no more friends than her and that realisation makes me want to cry. I work full time from home.. so that makes things a lot more difficult. I've tried with the mums from school and we just don't click. i think my best bet is joining my local running club as I spent most of my free time running. But yes in a nutshell I'm kind of sad I've lost her to my husband! I was happier with her being primarily my friend and that she was just "friendly" with DH.

But revolution didn't say people with MH issues are abusive. She said abusive people often have MH issues whether addiction, behavioural disorder etc.

There is a difference. I don't think anyone on here thinks MH = aggression

Is he going on meds? Is he seeing a therapist? Does he agree that he needs help?

He agrees he needs help. He's against all sort of MH medication so I doubt he'll ever do that on a permanent basis. He's made appointments for counselling (I've seen the post come in in the past, so it was something that came from him) but decided to lose the appointment. This weekend he said he was ok with sedatives for his stress, but couldn't get an out of hours appointment , so there's definitely been some improvement here and there. I also just called him because I lost it with my daughter just a couple of hours ago and he was super supportive

As I said, OP your husband's personality and issues are highly unlikely to be 'fixed' with medication. Or with therapy.

It's very difficult to change your behaviour even when you want to.

The behaviour of his you don't like may not bother him. He may not want to change. Or he may change in ways you don't like.

He is who he is, you either accept him as he is now or not, But hoping he's going to change is setting yourself up for awful disappointment.