#3 He IS having an affair

[worldupsidedown]

Ok, here we go for round #3 in which we know DH is having an affair, and does not give a flying fuckof 25 years inc 19 years of marriage or respect for his LW and DD and now we try to establish what the hell thinks he's going to do next and hopefully learn about the YOWHLTF while trying to keep a calm and dignified posture

Thinking of you, World x

I'll call the shots on what current 'immediate term' arrangements we need to have in place; financial- spending limits- separate accounts/cards, no more 'excessive' spending (on VYOW until divorce is completed). Responsibilities regarding the house, who does what, etc - chickens, dogs garden etc. What he now does himself, cooking, own laundry, etc

Shit, if he does move out I'm not sure how to cope with everything, I'll have no life!

I'm waiting to see how the talk goes...good luck World x

Im so sorry you are going through this 💐

@worldupsidedown he also doesn't get to fuck off for weekends when he chooses without ensuring you are able to look after DD, animals etc.....

Does it (bank statements, etc) all go back a year? Not from 'now'?

DD knows, she's in her room

Yes you will have a life and a better one. You have your dd. Do you have a hobby that you always wished you could do, could you join a club eg a book club etc.

If you can get him to move out, then absolutely do. I lived in the same house as my ex for two years and it was torture.

Stay strong... I think I might be entering into the same boat. Hope I can be as strong as you but i'll probably breakdown and cry.

Yes. Back a year at least in case he decides to start hiding anything

Joining you for #3. Good luck for later .

Good luck OP.

Probably best to go back for a year or more on bank statements etc- You never know if you will need them, so best to have them.
Get a gardener that he pays for? And ensure vets bills etc are factored into any payments to cover expenses

I hate to say it but he may well have had affairs before. Up to you if you need to ask him and whether to believe his answer

The fact he's so calm, and wasn't nervy, jumpy or particularly hiding things smacks to me that he's felt like he's never been caught before ...

Sorry to put that thought in your head but felt it needed saying.

Best of luck, you're doing so well x

I found you @worldupsidedown haven't read this thread yet but wanted to say how sad I am for the text he sent your daughter.

She must be so hurt. It's so dismissive and passive.

He should be fighting for her if fighting for nothing else. Sending you both huge unmumsnetty hugs x

Good luck, OP.

I hope he agrees to move out immediately.

Mellie1025 for you.

Hope you're ok x

Hope your chat goes well as can be expected.

You'll definitely have a better life! No more having a person there in body and not in mind playing a guitar at the other side of the room. You'll have your own space.

Just thought - I know you've recently done your wills, etc., but maybe MN-ers will know if he can just go and have another one drawn up.

Yes he can. Anyone can write a new will at any time. So can you. I would change yours to look after your DD. Might be one thing you ask him to make sure he looks out for DD.

Yeah I'd definitely be questioning him on how long he has been being unfaithful. Not that I'd believe him.

It sounds like he really thinks he can have his cake and eat it 😡 'I can sort my own tea'... yes he bloody well can... forever!

A year back from when you complete 'Form E'.