#3 He IS having an affair

[worldupsidedown]

Ok, here we go for round #3 in which we know DH is having an affair, and does not give a flying fuckof 25 years inc 19 years of marriage or respect for his LW and DD and now we try to establish what the hell thinks he's going to do next and hopefully learn about the YOWHLTF while trying to keep a calm and dignified posture

It'll be fine to talk at home. Ask dd to stay in her room maybe?
If you need a bit of thinking time during talks, go to the toilet for a few minutes to gather your thoughts. When you've had enough, just tell him that's enough for tonight, and go to the haven of your own room.
I can't believe he went to work yesterday instead of talking then. Fuckwit!

I can't remember if this has already been mentioned but another reason for moving swiftly is if he is very senior in his company. He could be risking his career if the seedy affair goes wrong and she takes it to HR. Get the finances sorted soon rather than later as it could all implode quite spectacularly for him.

What's YOWHLTF

younger Other Woman something....?

She's nice isn't she? Not only did she shag the shit she let him know it was game on when you were on a family holiday. They deserve each other. You deserve better. He is a knob who is still expecting you to provide his dinner. I read the last thread on the train coming home, I was getting more and more incensed on your behalf. And appalled at his bad taste in shirts -very Aldo Zilli. He's an old man with a young carer too.

Think Grey Rock as somebody else said. Good luck.

Good luck World. You have clearly become stronger with every post. Hold on to that knowledge throughout tonight and it'll keep you focused. And repeating what PP have said, don't feel you have to fill in any gaps in the conversation or agree to anything tonight. or whatever will help

Stay strong tonight world, you are being amazing
He really is a fucking idiot

I doubt he'll join her on any pre planned holiday next week - it's fairly unlikely she's on her own, and it would be difficult to do if she's with a friend. Unless she travels for work and is tagging on a weekend break?
But, it's probably not very helpful to speculate on it, as it'll do your head in,
Better to concentrate on getting tour agenda together for this evening.

Your agenda, not tour agenda!

Maybe her holiday is Faliraki, with a load of drunken 20-somethings. Bet your STBXH is gutted he can't go along!

Stay strong OP!!

Good luck

Sorry, he told you this timeline or you are surmising it?

Thinking of you tonight.

Think of you

I posted on your first thread at the beginning and have just read your second.

He really is an idiot. And you sound like you are handling things pretty well all things considered

Thinking of you

YOWHLTF

younger other woman he likes to fuck

I have a tin of condensed milk 'medicinal purposes'

Hope you're okay.

You had the plot to a tee **World
I suggest staying calm tonight, you sound pretty level headed anyway. My ex talked and told me everything when I was like this, other times not so much and my expletives were abound he'll most likely answer all your questions re VYOW, I understand the need to know details.... what a shit he is! No need to tell him your plans, sleep on it then speak to your solicitor about moving forward.

Have you had a chance to think about what YOU want to ask and write it down @worldupsidedown ?

Coming over from thread 2. Hope tonight goes ok

Good luck for later

Is your DD aware you and H will be talking tonight?

Might be a good idea to photocopy the past years bank, credit card, store card etc statements, you'll need these for the financial settlement. Best to do it early, I found it a pain in the arse, took a few days.

It's only when you find out what is truey in the pot that you can plan your future, for example, Hs secret debts, credit cards (if he has any) as well secret savings of course would all taken into account. Spousal maintenance is a rarety, you have a 15 year old & will probably be told to get a job, even if H is a high earner.

Sort to be so blunt, but if anyone else in the same position is reading this I wouldn't like them to be under the illusion that its all fast forward to an income provided by the ex & a mortgage free house.