Is he having an affair #2

[worldupsidedown]

Continuing on from 'is he having an affair'

23:03 and still not home.

Can you not get a job or do something that might make him respect you more?
I would hope that if OP does get a job or does something that she would choose to do so for herself, not to try and earn the fuckwit's respect!

I agree, what a terrible comment.

I don't swearing and telling him your not his housekeeper etc needs to be said, he knows this and looks like he doesn't expect this either.

It sounds like he's treating you like a project that has to be brought to a swift close. I wouldn't expect any remorse just calmness from him. I don't think your going to get a ride out of him.

Unless he is a huge earner, I also don't think your going to get personal maintenance, it might be time to think about cutting your cloth to suit. This is a huge shock and upheaval for you. The problem is he has had a lot of time to plan all of this. I reckon he would have gone sooner or later the ow was just the catalyst.
💐

I have an amazing career. Published academically, chartered, huge team, global responsibilities.

The fucker didn't respect me.

Wow browtox what a load of shit that statement is.

It's great that he's sorting out his own dinner though, safe you cooking up a delicious homemade treat for when he arrives

I wouldn't let him in the front door. If he wants to 'talk', then meet him somewhere public. Let him buy you dinner. That way if you don't like what he has to say you can simply get up and walk out. No chance of raised voices or 'acting out' (if he is so inclined) as other diners will be around. No 'issues' with trying to get him to leave the house and/or leave you alone if he isn't getting his way.

Given that it's impossible to remember every word in an emotional conversation, pop your phone on to "record" and leave it face down nearby.

Listening back to it will give you more strength than you know.

Good luck.

For tonight, maybe write some things down that you want to say or ask so that you don't forget things in the heat of the moment.

Don't give away anything unless you want to - your thoughts are your own business.

Try and keep your dignity by not asking about OW too much apart from STIs.

Let him speak. Leave long silences so that he tells all x

If he tries the old chestnut of "But I've been unhappy for years," I'd ask him why he didn't have the decency to discuss it with you, so you could maybe work on it together? You know, what with you being a supposed partnership for 20-odd years.

What did your daughter say to the text he sent her?

I agree, talk to him tonight and you can get back to solicitor asap and get it going. I agree to ask him not to spend money on OW until finances are sorted

Maybe put your cctv in the living room or kitchen where you will chat?

You might need another new thread soon OP

Excellent suggestion LexieLuLu. I used the voice recorder on my phone to record any conversations with my ex. Not that I could use them legally, more so that when my ex tried to deny and gas light me I had it recorded for my onm sanity.

Love how he thinks sorting himself with dinner is doing you some big favour. My god he's clueless. Twat.

You are being strong and cool-headed in very difficult circumstances.

What dignity you have shown so far - and how he will underestimate you.

He is being such a cliche and you are superb in not playing the cliched counter-part.

He really hasn't thought about life after this. You can see this by the assumption that you would in some way feel obliged to prepare dinner for him.

I'm here if you want to talk, understand if you don't. Never doubt that I love you.

I wonder what she'll think of him when she realizes he's shagging a young woman not much older than her?
She will find it so embarrassing. Teenagers do.
He doesn't care.

I would record the conversation. You can record your own conversations in the UK.

Just remember you are recording, keep your cool and mind how you come across.

Want to talk tonight when I get back? I'll sort myself out with dinner beforehand if that's easier

I think you should sit down and talk with him. Properly.

Is it possible you could have a list of questions to ask?
(someone on here might have some good suggestion as to what those questions should be)

I realise this might be wrong, or a strange thing to do, so disregard it, if it doesn't sit right with you.
But is there any way you could secretly record the conversation?

They say that if you go to an important doctor's appointment you should take a friend - that way, the friend will remember all the things you forget.
The recording would be the equivalent of 'taking a friend'.
If you forget what was said, which is possible under the circumstances, then you can play the conversation back later, to clarify what was actually said.
(Not to use against him at any time, just to remember the important bits - for yourself.)

I see Dragons beat me to it!

Don't let him know you're recording it.

Can you not get a job or do something that might make him respect you more?

World doesn't need his or any other man's 'respect'
This isn't the 1950's.