Is he having an affair #2

[worldupsidedown]

Continuing on from 'is he having an affair'

23:03 and still not home.

I don't think I'd dignify that with a response. But you really need to get the ball rolling on the financial side - he will be.

Yes, the fact he checked his wallet to see that everything was there, before going to work, proves that he has a very sharp eye on what World is up to.
The slimy bastard's onto her.

Don't delay with the Solicitor stuff World.

I agree with the above post. Tell him you don't want him in the house at all and your being quite reasonable about things to be fair.
That shirt, what is he thinking ? see if he has it somewhere cut the sleeves out and use is a nighty.
He has no idea how it hurts the arsehole has been living the life of Riley spending a fortune on slut face.
Wonder if the shoe was the other foot and the YOW was doing the same to him how would he feel.
Have you found out who she is yet ? Just I would be very curious and would be trying to find out.
Give it a few months and he will realise what he's lost.
You are amazing. Just need to get rid of hugh hefner and things will start to improve for you and your DD.

Id be treating myself as much as I can with things I would like to do for myself but never would. Id get dolled up and meet up with friends. And not discuss the waste of space all night.
A family member went through this a few years ago. She's doing great now and has a lovely man. Not that you want to maybe find another man but nothing wrong in having a bit off fun when everything has settled down.

Id be quite happy by myself if I found myself in this situation but at this moment in time I have 2 children who are young so take up my time. But if they were older then things might be different.

You are brilliant and very strong , big hugs to you hun

"HE HAS MADE HIS DECISION, there's nothing to discuss." Put it back on him, every time and to everyone.

Maybe you need to give it another go to see that that is wrong for you.

But then World will know that he is only with her because

a) He was found out
b) He was coaxed (or forced) into going for Couples Counseling.

He will no doubt agree to stay away from the YOW, but not because he really wants to, only because he's been told to.

'and that you're basically 'The Consolation Prize'

OMG! That shirt has just appeared on my Facebook Feed! I don't buy mens shirts, but opened the link to it on here last night!
I did used to live in Dalston for a very long time though

That's shirt would win the 'worse shirt at the races' event that we all do in summer 😳

Had a good convo with solicitor.

She went through all the usual step by step stuff, etc. Very level headed.

I told her the latest text about staying away fri/sat. She says I should text him to only come back if he wants to talk.

I need to give him the opportunity to let me know what his plans are then I can give him the reality check:

End of marriage = getting 2 homes out of one in leafy Surrey + years of burden of financial commitment and half his pension for him does not = 100% life for him instead of the 50% life he claims to have now
His penis is cannot do maths!

I don't know what he'd have to do to make me take him back, right now there is nothing that would and his mum can do her best to try and convince him, but at the end of the day it's my decision to not take him back if I don't want to, which is how I feel now.

If he doesn't come back I have an answer.

Wasn't this weekend the weekend that YOW is away anyway? If so, him offering to stay away alone may not be through choice. I.e. If she was here he'd be straight over to hers (well, a hotel room) and is now using the fact she's not actually available this weekend to fool you into thinking he's less of a nobhead.

On a more serious note, I'm guessing that Mil will change her attitude after seeing her son on Saturday and hearing what he has to say for himself. He's going to be all 'woe is me, I've been sooo unhappy for soo many years, etc etc'. It sounds as though his decision to leave the marriage (not the home yet though) is already made, and no doubt he'll be telling his mother that. At least it will stop her going on about reconciliation.
If I were you World, I'd keep MIL vaguely on board, though not discuss anything about solicitors or other plans with her. I just think it may be useful to you at some point, even though I fully agree that her first loyalty will be to her son.
I expect MIL is also in a degree of shock at the moment too.

Yeah maybe he's just going off to your birthday hotel

I also need to canx the cc in my name, he can use his own but let him know that he cannot continue to spend money on OW on a lavish lifestyle as it will all be accountable.

Also will need to come to an interim financial agreement

So that should piss on his fancy fireworks

World - get onto the cc company and cancel the replacement card. This is a joint cc for which you will be liable. Let him get one for himself and carry all the debt he incurs on his jollies. What a prize wanker.
Sit back and watch YOW distance herself once the shit actually hits the fan. It's likely that they work together - many companies frown on that. He has shown no remorse and even less respect to you and your DD & your family life together. His actions speak volumes. Time for yours to do the same. You're doing great but don't forget to look after yourself. Time to get angry

Did the solicitor say to tell him to instruct one himself? That will make it clear it's finished and get him worrying. I truly hope you come off way better x

@TeamCersei

I agree. But sometimes we need to take a breath and make sure we are dotting all the tees 😊😉

I think you need to be honest with yourself world too, is it 'him' you would miss or the lifestyle and change in circumstances. If this is a total deal breaker and yes it would be for most then personally I would have a good vent with him and then get down to sorting practical stuff in the most amicable way you can as you still have a teen to think about. The people I know who have divorced or separated and moved on in the best light have often adopted the old saying of the best revenge is a life well lived.

Maybe he's got the chance of going away with OW?

World, is it your birthday this weekend? Even if it isn't, perhaps you need to plan to do something nice? Maybe a day trip out with your daughter or something along those lines. It may be a long weekend otherwise.

Judging by his actions so far

I think he's going to tell his mum/family and also tell them they have no say in it and accept it
I also think he doesn't want to come back and work it out, your dd is 15 he's not worried about young kids being caught up in this.

He has t been at all bothered about getting caught or trying to hide his deceit, I think he's glad you know and he's barely missed a beat since then

I wouldn't be surprised if he hasn't already got his ducks in a row, wants a divorce and move forward as quickly a possible. His sorry it hurts says it all really, his disconnected from all of it, telling his family is just going to be a chat over a cuppa, a look after yourself from mum and business as usual.

World I'm so sorry this is happening to you, I think only do things that benefit you, and try to avoid all emotional wrangling with him, because I don't feel he cares enough to give you an emotional response back.

Work out your practicalities, and what you need financially etc and take support where ever you can find it.

💐

I'm fully aware OW is away, yes, and had exact same thought of course your on your own 'cos you only can't be with her icons she ain't here' what difference is that supposed to make anyway?

Re MIL in law, I've not mentioned anything about solicitor, etc or if I'm going to welcome him back, I've told her exactly how I feel about his behaviour. but did talk about his excessive time on his guitar every evening at the back of the room, distancing himself, over the past two years, and that little trait has been talked about with her a several times over the couple of years and from DD too

In fact I did have a very open convo with her a couple of months ago about the excessive guitar and no birthday present last year cos he went sailing , how I told her how I felt I'm just his 'administrator' da da, which is why he bought the hotel weekend this year, I don't know if she had had a little chat with him and suggested he better do something for me. So he can come out with as much woe he likes, I've already been honestly open about him his to his mother now and in the past before all this kicked off and admitted I'm not perfect either. So his alibi may not stack up with her, his DPs are v intelligent people. Oh, and some years ago she asked if I was ok as she admitted he can be difficult to live with 'I should know, I'm his mother!'

Your MIL sounds like a decent woman, but don't be surprised if she she ultimately lands on his side - she's bound to, he's her baby.

Sorry! X post

I'm sorry, but from what you've said it doesn't sound to me as if he is in any way interested in working to save his marriage

Yeah maybe he's just going off to your birthday hotel

Surely he wouldn't stoop so low as to go away to a place that was meant to be a nice time away for World?
Even lower if he were to take YOW with him.

World, is there any way you could find out if that's where he's going?

It's good to know that his parents may just give him a hard time on Saturday then.
You're doing great, World. You're amazing.
It made me laugh to read about the cc this morning!

Sorry World that you are going through this.

What astounds me is that he had ignored you since you called him out yet is going to he DM at the weekend to explain all to her.

He doesn't even have the decency to sit down with you and talk it through, even if it is just about splitting up. The fact that he seems to have no interest in your dd either says a lot about the type of person he is.