Is he having an affair #2

[worldupsidedown]

Continuing on from 'is he having an affair'

23:03 and still not home.

Yes do make clear to MIL that by explaining he is doing her a courtesy he hasn't extended to you.

right now there is nothing that would and his mum can do her best to try and convince him, but at the end of the day it's my decision to not take him back if I don't want to, which is how I feel now.

Keep telling yourself this. You deserve better.

I did mention to her too that it would be nice if he talked to me first, before his parents

Here's another conundrum, I spotted another payment, not noticed before as it's a train ticket, he buys tickets daily to commute but this was bought 27/7 when we were on holiday and before he booked easyJet flights. It's Trainline £56.51, never seen a 'trainline' before

It will be thetrainline.com - you can search train times and buy tickets.

Trainline is an app/website to buy train tickets. I have it on my phone and you can check train times and buy tickets on it.

Two tickets to Luton airport?

'Trainline' is just a website to buy train tickets, it doesn't operate an actual train service.
He had everything well planned didn't he?

Are the tickets posted or on the phone? He's never mentioned an app to buy his tickets. Perhaps he's received education from other sources

You can have them posted or collect at any station ticket machine.

It's very hard to go against the 'wishes' of people we care about. Of course your MiL wants you two to 'work it out'. She has a vested interest in the two of you staying together. Her life and relationship with you and with her grandchild are going to be complicated by this divorce. As a MiL, I would be devastated if my son did something like this, but I can see also that I might selfishly feel 'maybe they can work this out'. But I would be thinking of what I want, not of what might be best for my lovely DiL. And also, please don't think you owe your MiL anything in this situation. You don't. A marriage (or its breakdown) is between the two people involved. Their friends and relatives should have no part in it, other than to offer nonjudgmental support to the wronged party.

And this goes for your friend, too. Friends and relatives have a vested interest in a couple staying together. You need to be very wary of those who counter your pain and sense of betrayal with 'maybe you two just need to talk'. And extremely wary of revealing too much of your strategy. At this point, unfortunately, you need to be a bit suspicious of everyone who is 'connected' to the both of you. Friendships and relationships will clarify as time passes, but for now just think carefully about what people 'advise' you.

So much good advice here @worldupsidedown

Stay strong and don't (well try not to) let his games get you down. Remember you are grieving for the life you had and be kind to yourself. Don't let MIL push you into something you don't want, he's still her little boy at heart, but keep a good relationship with her for your sake and DDs.

Someone said how quickly he turned - it's simply because he's been caught out. He's being nasty because he is having to deal with real life. Up till now it's been a game behind your back: he could have the best of both worlds - avoiding full commitment to YOW with you still running his home and organising his life. But he's been unravelling, hence the distant behaviour and now his life is imploding too.

Get a really good solicitor - push for as much as you legally can (mine got me more than I hoped for) and don't be tempted to do anything that will jeopardise that. Short-term revenge however satisfying may cause more trouble in the long run.

Yes to building up a cash reserve.

Just got a text

Want to talk tonight when I get back? I'll sort myself out with dinner beforehand if that's easier

I'll sort myself out with dinner beforehand if that's easier

What a hero! WTAF! It's like he wants a pat on the back because he can sort his own dinner out. Why would he even say that? Looks like he's trying to have a Pity party and is playing the sad sausage.

Don't reply straight away. Gather your thoughts and wait for people to suggest a reply.

Tell him to sort his own fucking dinner out! He's going to need the practise.

'What part of being separated do you not get? Of course you'll get your own dinner, I'm not your fucking housekeeper come chef!'

Maybe without the swearing?

You don't have to talk to him until you are ready.

Don't let him push his time scale and plans on you.

He has had months disengaging so this won't affect him.

It is all new and raw to you.

If it is too soon tell him so.

The sooner I know his thoughts and plan the better I think, if tonight then I can get back to solicitor tomorrow

TeamCersei The shirt! The Sleazyjet tickets! He's going to ... Ibiza!

Ah ha ha ha ha 'sort his own dinner' HE IS A BELTER!!!

I am furious on your behalf @worldupsidedown.

May I suggest getting yourself a new phone and informing him that the one he currently has the number for us now no longer in use and to contact you via your SHL only.

I am a vindictive cow though and this may not appear reasonable to normal folks.

Nothing but admiration for you here.

... and tell him his lavish Lifestyle with YOWHLTF stops until a financial arrangement is in place!

If you wish to know tonight, which is of course your right. Text him back saying something like

'Tonight at 8pm would be fine. You have an hour. By all means sort your own dinner, this is not a task I shall ever undertake again'

I'll sort myself out with dinner beforehand if that's easier - if that's easier? Does that mean he was expecting you to cook him something? He just doesn't get it does he?

Does he know you've seen a solicitor? I'm not sure it's a good time to show that hand. Not just yet.

You're in control now. Not him.

I would let him come and let him start the talking - see what he has to say. Don't agree to anything, say you're not sure, you'll have to think about it (I mean about financial arrangements, not about how you feel).