Is he having an affair #2

[worldupsidedown]

Continuing on from 'is he having an affair'

23:03 and still not home.

Rather than 'sorry it hurts', surely 'sorry I am hurting you' would have been better. Just another example of not taking responsibility for his actions. Remember that as you make your plans today. Strikes me as a 'testing the waters' texts. He will use these to justify that he is trying to work out a way of living together in some sort of harmony- as he indicated on that first night. Again , just making himself feel good about what he is doing.
Find a SHL, focus on yourself and DD. Play cards close to your chest. And didn't leave the card you have taken anywhere that he can find it. He will use it to blame you.

You're doing so well. Stay strong.

Sorry don't not didn't

Yeah tell him you'll cancel his card and wash his duds for him too. Idiot! stay strong x

I'm sorry it hurts. It will get easier

WTAF?

Don't cancel his card, tell him to do it, please.

You could send him a list of what you charge in your role as PA/Housekeeper. You require payment up front and you will invoice.

Checking fucker

Cheeky*

Text back 'your card, you cancel it.

Dear World, you are going through some of the worst days of your life and I promise you there is light at the end of the tunnel. I went through a near identical experience seven years ago ( highly successful DP, 'perfect' London lifestyle, been together over 20 years) but unlike you I didn't hold it together - I only just managed to keep going in those first few months for the sake of my DS ( and because I resorted to anti-depressants, sleeping tablets etc). But get through it I did, and you will too. The man sharing your house is not the man you married - it is an entirely different person in his shape. Don't assume you know anything about this person and don't believe anything he says. My ex, like your DH, barely said a word once confronted but I subsequently discovered that the limited amount of info he did disclose was also untrue. You've had some great advice here on MN and I hope you are able to decide which bits are relevant to you. You will go through all the stages of grief because, in effect this is a bereavement, but keeping cool and acting ruthlessly in your own best interests is the best strategy. Fast forward 7 years - my ex married the OW and is incredibly unhappy ( in fact have heard they separated recently but I don't care enough to check). I live with lovely new DP and my DS is happy and doing well at school. He no longer sees his dad at all (his choice entirely). You are doing brilliantly and once DH moves out you will be able to think more clearly. it is very early days yet. xx

"I'm sorry you don't seem to understand what separation means.
You are responsible for managing your own affairs from now on. You will have to take steps to cancel the card if necessary. Sorry
if that hurts."

My reply would be 'Don't you DARE patronise me you fuckwit. It would have been 'easier' if you had talked to me when you were supposedly unhappy, instead of fucking a girl young enough to be your daughter. If you had actually thought about YOUR daughter, you'd have had the decency to talk to me or have left before screwing around. When you see your parents at the weekend take your stuff there & stay with them as apparently whatshername isn't in any position to have you live with her (parents or husband object? Or maybe she just isn't that into you). We cannot live in the same house & as you're the one fucking around you can be the one to leave. Have a scrap of decency & do the right thing. Oh, and cancel your own fucking card. I'm not your secretary & I'm no longer your wife in anything but name.'

Being that fucking patronising is almost as bad as fucking around. God give me strength.

If you do see a SHL ask about the CC I don't think you should lose the high moral ground (sorry I know the revenge things are great but I think that's important). Definitely don't cancel it for him though or do anything for him.

It seems to be part of it that men close down emotionally, have seen this so much.

Did my link to the SHL my friend used (Catherine Costley) show up?

You can probably start calling solicitors at 9am! Go girl...

He is patronising beyond belief. We are all here cheering you on @worldupsidedown

Text him and tell him the OW gets to cancel his cards now and not to bother you with trivia anymore. Unless it's plans about the divorce or him moving out you're not interested...🙂

The bloody cheek of him! How dare he. Please do not cancel his card. This is not in your remit.
As for his second text words fail me. What an utter bastard!

God what an awful situation for you - I think things like this show just how tenuous a grip we all have on our lives - this could happen to any one of us. Good luck with SHL today - I know if it were me I'd hit DH where it would hurt him most - his wallet.

Also, how interesting that yesterday he didn't think it was necessary to communicate with you at all but today, when he needs something done....
I think lazyhazycrazy is right about keeping th higher moral ground. Your behaviour has been beyond reproach. Do not stoop to his level.

Unbelievable entitled CUNT

You must be staggered by his callousness

If it's his card how can you cancel it? If it's joint then max it out!!! some nice treats for yourself and dd. Maybe a break somewhere nice - you say her Bf is away so why not go away yourselves? Don't tell the cunt just get thee on to last minute.com or whatever it is and go. Your dd needs reassurance and some time spent with you is just what she needs

This is a first for me as a serial lurker, but my advice would be don't text back at all! If he wants to ask you something he can ask you face to face not hide behind a screen like a child.

I can't go away easily, we have 3 dogs, chickens, cat (bloody old girl won't stop living, is 23!) I usually arrange house sitters.

The cc is in his name but I opened the account, he signed the docs, etc but only has the PIN number. It was for our amazing family holiday to Japan at Easter.

.... can't get my bloody wed/eng rings off

Please send @AnnieAnoniMouse text that's no messing and I don't think a solicitor in the land would hold that against you. There is no accusations or name calling it is all facts.

Oh I'd also add the thanks for the insight it would have hurt a lot less if you had been a man about it.

He is a patronising entitled fucker I'm sorry the man you loved has turned out that way.

Don't cancel his card.
Don't even tell him to do it himself.
Just ignore it.
He'll check with you and you can respond with the standard 'ODFOD'!

Had a thought. Try contacting Rights of Women (no idea how to do link on app!). They offer a free advice service by women specialist lawyers, for women - divorce, domestic abuse, etc. They will give you great advice & might be able to suggest a SHL too.

rightsofwomen.org.uk (hope that works)

Here's their helpline info.

For women in England and Wales
Call 020 7251 657777*_
Monday 7pm – 9pm, Tuesday 7pm – 9pm, Wednesday 7pm – 9pm, Thursday 7pm – 9pm, Friday 12pm – 2pm

OP PLEASE assure us all that you are not going to cancel his fucking credit card?

I hope this astonishingly arrogant behaviour on his part is helping you to dig deep and find your anger. I know this is painful, but fucking hell he is showing himself to be a truly cuntish individual.

YOU DON'T NEED THIS SHIT IN YOUR LIFE.

Good Morning World, I am glad to see you are still staying strong. My thoughts are definitely with you.

the txt from him beggers belief and I too think you should either not respond (Silence is golden) or tell him go do it himself!!

I am sure the emotions are coming in waves now so sending you some strength and hugs it's a roller coaster ride at the moment but once you have found a SHL and you have some clarity you will begin to calm hopefully.

All things in his garden to him are rosy at the moment but I wonder how the YOW is doing and will she stick it out things may not be so good going forward as things hot up and she bails on him!!!

I don't think I'd dignify that with a response. But you really need to get the ball rolling on the financial side - he will be.