Is he having an affair #2

[worldupsidedown]

Continuing on from 'is he having an affair'

23:03 and still not home.

Well done for telling his mum. I see he had already started laying the foundations. Telling his mum you are a strong woman is preparing the ground. It must be a horrendous time for you. You are doing really well

Hi OP. I'm following your post...my STBXH did the dirty on me last year with a newlywed 11 years his junior. I was totally blindsided. 20 years down the pan. I was gutted. He ditched me in a supermarket, drove home packed his bags that was that. I'm so much happier without him now! Stay strong xx

I wonder if they know about his grubby goings ons at work?
I believe OW is a work colleague.
Talk about shitting on your own doorstep.

Nothing worse than a man who is a walking cliche! If he was unhappy for many years, why not say something before it reached this point?! I can't bear people who'd rather fuck over their husbands/wives than tell them what's on their minds. His daughter is going to be very disappointed in him and I'm certain he knows this. Assuming the other woman isn't much older than his bloody daughter!

The OW are usually work colleagues....

I'm also wondering if you should at least have a phone conversation with a SHL off the list you were given recently, to see what they would advise about what percentage split of financial assets they would suggest. It can't harm to explore all the options.
Finances are going to matter a lot for you going forward, and you need to get the best deal possible.
It would be better to change solicitors now at the start of the process than later down the line.
I expect thinking about these things are the last thing you feel like doing right now, but forearmed is forewarned...
Have you eaten today and remembered to drink plenty too?
You're doing really well.

Has anyone posted The Script yet on this post for OP to see yet?

she thinks we can work it out, in a couple of weeks he'll come to his senses

Ah but what she's forgetting is that you don't want him back.

I really do think that you should take legal advice from an alternative solicitor. Just to see if they say the same.

From a poster from another thread.

I feel very old and jaded posting this but my heart goes out to you OP

MIDLIFE for Dummies

Welcome to the wonderful world of Mid Life Crisis!! You are about to embark on one of the most perilous journeys you have ever taken. A journey fraught with intrigue and guaranteed to turn you inside out! This book is designed to help you make sure you get the most emotional bang for your buck.

In these pages are the "how to" answers to the questions you have been asking yourself about damaging as many people as you can along the way. Come on and dig in, it's time to get this roller coaster rolling on down the tracks!!

Chapter 1 - Choosing the Correct Speech

There are 4 basic speeches for you to choose from. They are:

a) I love you but I don't know if I'm in love with you.

b) I've never loved you, and we should never have gotten married.

c) We got married too young. I never knew anything besides you.

d) You tricked me into marrying you, I would never have done it otherwise.

Once you have decided on which speech to give, you need to cause as much anxiety in your spouse as you can before you actually give it. Continue to the next chapter for Lessons in building anxiety.

Chapter 2 - Lessons in Building Anxiety

You will find these lessons to be helpful in causing anxiety in your spouse and others (depending on the level of pain and damage you want to cause), not just prior to giving the speech, but throughout your MLC.

Lesson 1 - Monstrification of Your Spouse

This is easy to accomplish. Simply think of only the "bad" things that your spouse has done throughout your entire relationship. Have one of those "angel" spouses? No problem, just remember how bad she always makes you feel. DO NOT under any circumstances remember fondly your spouse, or anything they have done for you. Remember, they are going to be the cause of all of your problems, so it is imperative that you convince your self of this first.

Lesson 2 - Emotional Detachment

This will be very easy to do after accomplishing lesson 1. All you have to do is start reminding yourself that you don't care about them, what they feel, what they want, or if they hurt. Simple! Every time you remind yourself of this, you will get further and further away from your relationship emotionally. Now, that wasn't too hard was it? On to lesson 3

Lesson 3 - Mass Confusion and Indecision

This lesson requires a little more thought and attention. You must constantly practice saying "I don't know" to ANY and ALL questions. That is imperative!! Your spouse (and others) must never know precisely what is going on in-side your head. Also, never let them know where you are going, where you have been, who you were with (this will go hand in hand with the lesson on the Other Person, or OP), or whether or not they can expect you to return home.

Lesson 4 - Lies and Deceit

To get the most damage, and cause the most pain, you must lie and decieve at every opportunity. And to really achieve hall of fame status, you should be very inept at it, so that everyone knows that you are lying, or suspects, but can't prove it initially. This works very well for the following chapters, OP and Cake Eating.

Chapter 3 - The Other Woman (or OW)

Now it is time for you to succumb to temptation. You KNOW all of those other women want you! They have been coming on to you for years!! It is time for you to give them their chance at having some of you. Make sure that you leave a very confusing trail for your spouse to follow. One that lets them suspect, but have to dig and sneak (to make them feel worse about themselves) to find the information they need to prove it. Hold out admitting the affair as long as you can, and don't admit it ever, if you can get away with it.

Chapter 4 - Cake Eating

This chapter is designed to string your spouse along in uncertainty as long as possible, because as long as they have hope, they won't be able to go out and find their own lives and be fulfilled. Why should they get to do that, while you are so miserable? They shouldn't!! So, make sure that you are affectionate occasionally (not too often, as this will raise anxiety levels), that you drag your feet about making a decision on the marriage, and that you leave and come back several times (as many as you can get away with).

Chapter 5 - History Revision

It is very important that you revise the life you have lead with your spouse. You must use words like: Always, Ever, Never and All of the Time. Always precede the statement with the terms: you, I, and we. As in "you always nag me" "I never ever (double bonus here) get to do what I want" and "We have to do what you want all of the time". This will help to make your spouse feel like the way you are behaving is all their fault, and can cause them to feel even worse about themselves than they already did!!

Chapter 6 - It's All About You!!

Remember this is all about you! What you want and need, RIGHT NOW! You shouldn't have to wait until you can afford something, just go on out and get it! You deserve a new haircut, new clothes, and some new toys. You've worked for it. You would probably look great in that new Convertible, or on that new Harley!! So don't hesitate! You live in the here and now! So why wait until tomorrow!!

Remember, the word is CRISIS and if you are in one, EVERYONE else should have to ride the Roller coaster with you! It's no fun taking a ride alone, and you know what they say about misery loving company! Go on out there and get started, so much pain and damage, and so little time!

Chapter 7 - Avoid, Ignore, and Run Away

This chapter is to help you deal with the problems that your spouse will try to cause. We don't want you to have to "deal" with anything, now do we? You shouldn't have to "think" about any "issues" right now, except those that concern you "feeling good". The best way to handle this, is to Avoid, Ignore, and Run Away. Any time someone tries to make you see a more "reasonable" stance on a subject, simply Avoid making a reply...stare out into space, as if you are thinking about something important, and they will become uncomfortable and leave you alone.

If there are responsibilities that need your attention, simply ignore them. You don't have to do anything you don't feel like doing. And the best for last is Run Away! This can be accomplished in many different ways. OP's can help you Run Away from all of these "problems" as well as Alcohol, Drugs, New Sports Cars....etc the list is endless. Of course, you can always just leave...but remember not to let them know where you are going, and if you'll be back!!

Chapter 8 - MC and Therapists

Your spouse may ask you to go to counseling with her. This is only useful to make them feel better. It cannot possibly have anything to you so there is no reason for you to follow-up with anything suggested--it doesn't matter to you. The only thing you should look for is more reasons (excuses) for avoiding, running and ignoring (see previous chapter).

Chapter 9 - I Don't Have To if I Don't Want To and You Can't Make Me!

Remember that this is about YOU, and what YOU want and how YOU feel!! No one else is important, so don't let them make you feel as if you have to listen to anything they say. Your spouse will try to help you of course, because they love you. Don't let them get away with giving you unwanted advice. Let them know in the teenage vernacular, that they can't make you do anything.

This is important, you must be as childish as possible!! Any truly adult behavior on your part will only convince them that you are listening to what they are saying, and you will have to start back at the beginning. Of course, this technique can be used knowingly to cause more confusion and chaos, just beware of the danger, you don't actually want to start acting like an adult!!

Chapter 10 - How To Threaten and/or How To Move Out

You threaten to move out for weeks or months but you don't. ()You tell your spouse that you got too much on your plate right now to look for a flat but that you will do so in 2 weeks time. After 2 weeks, repeat from ().

If your wife wants to come too close to you, like entering your bedroom to talk to you, tell her to stay away or you will move out. When she replies that you will move out anyway tell her that you will move out faster if she comes any closer

Chapter 11 - Art of Clinging

The Art of Clinging to the End of the Mattress without falling off the matrimonial bed while still sharing it with your spouse.

Chapter 12 - Advanced Lessons

This is usually reserved for those in more difficult situations, where the LBS has responded not by tossing you out, threatening to leave, or filing for divorce, but instead persists in not only OFFERING to cooperate, but actually MAKING THE CHANGES you said you needed.

"I am tired of living like this/I don't want to live like this anymore/I am not going to live my life like this?" often is coupled with another advanced tactic, "It's not you, it's me".

This line is most effective AFTER the LBS has jumped through hoops and bent over backwards. It basically confirms that no matter what changes the LBS is willing to make, the incompatibility lies within the MLCer, who has no intention of, or implied desire or ability to, compromise.

Appendix

HOW TO MAKE YOUR SPOUSE THINK SHE IS CRAZY

1. When confronted by the evidence of an EA or PA, become very indignant. Stress that the LBS is obviously just a jealous sob/bi*ch, and you are entitled to "buddies" of the opposite sex.

1. Never, ever answer the question, "Are you okay? Is there something wrong?" with a direct answer that might actually lead to a discussion that might help the marriage. Continue to never talk to spouse, never give her/him a personal compliment or touch of affection and by all means work on the "cling to the edge of the mattress to avoid touching" manoeuvre that is so successful in making your spouse crazy.

1. Always bear in mind that your spouse will expect you to want to at least give them the chance to "fix" the marriage. Since you have already checked out emotionally (of course NEVER tell them that!), you are under no obligation to actually listen to anything they say or acknowledge anything they do. This tactic is also extremely beneficial when they employ the MLC diet. When they lose a massive amount of weight and you are in ear shot of someone who mentions to spouse about the weight loss, say "Are you losing weight? Why don't you ever tell me things?"

1. Of course one of the most successful ways to drive them crazy may only be used when you have earned the MLC Black Belt. Go to marriage counselling for months, let them pour out their soul to you and the counsellor and let them believe they are actually accomplishing something. Then arrange things so the spouse finds you in your own home with OW. This will accomplish two things: a. She will finally have to understand how lucky you are to have found your "soul mate" and b. She will be doubly betrayed because she thought you were actually working on the marriage.

DON'T LET YOUR SPOUSE GET TOO INDEPENDENT - STATEGIES FOR SUCKING YOUR SPOUSE BACK IN

1. Make negative comments about OW or the chances that the relationship with OW will succeed. HOWEVER, under no circumstances, make any commitment to end the relationship with OW.

1. Make veiled hints about suicide or excessive drinking or drug use. Be erratic and hard to contact.

1. Do random acts of kindness such as garden work or something. That will keep your spouse confused and hopeful.

1. Make vague comments hinting that things might work out between you and your spouse IN THE FUTURE. HOWEVER, under no circumstances take any actions to work anything out.

CUSTODY - Using the Kids To Your Advantage

If you have children, they can be extremely useful for inducing fear and panic in your spouse. Recommended phrases include, "You're poisoning my kids against me", "You put that idea into their heads", and "You need to do [insert pertinent action here] for the sake of the kids'." Remember, your spouse, being a responsible and loving person, is not only trying to cope with his/her own feelings, but trying to protect the children, and you can use that to your advantage.

Don't forget to use the fact that if you spend any time with your kids, you should get Extra Credit Bonus Good Parent points from your spouse. It doesn't matter if you feed them ice cream for breakfast and have them watch "Hellboy" when they asked for "Veggie Tales", you Just Wanted To Make Them Happy, and since YOU are the best judge of Happiness, that makes you Super Parent.

You can use this opportunity to trash talk your spouse ("Isn't this more fun than what Mommy/Daddy would let you do?" "Mom/Dad doesn't know how to relax.") which of course, will be repeated back to your spouse so you get the benefit of destroying their self-esteem second hand.

Highly advanced MLCers may want to start casually using the word Custody, but be very, very careful. While useful for sending your spouse into a state of panic, you certainly do not want to be responsible for a bunch of kids who will seriously cut into your personal fun time. The word Custody should only be used in a casual tone of voice for the most devastating effect.

BUTTON PUSHING

You (the mlcer) know a lot about your spouse. You know what pushes their buttons to get them both upset and/or happy. You have the power, you can do it! So using the kids to upset them is fair game (see section on how to use "custody" to upset them but not take on the "custody"). And if that ever stops working, find something else. Suggestions might include pets, valuables in the home, their appearance, family, career. Nothing is out of your reach since you have put in so many years getting to know your spouse--use what you know.

THE BLAME GAME

By now, you should be aware that all of this MUST be your spouse's fault, however, your spouse may not understand this completely yet, so you need to start planting the seeds.

There are several ingenious ways to put the blame on your spouse, and we will be exploring them all.

Method 1: The Non-Blame Statement

I'm trying not to blame YOU

This statement implies that you are "not putting the blame on them" but on closer look (which your spouse is guaranteed to be doing) The words actually put all of the blame on the spouse (where of course we know it belongs).

Method 2: The Passive Blame Statement

I don't think that I can live with you.
My opinion never mattered to you.
I can't live like this.
We rarely have fun anymore.
I don't want to live this way anymore.

These are passive statements that don't actually assign blame to your spouse, but your spouse will definitely get the idea if you use them. They can't help but see that it MUST be them that makes you feel this way.

Method 3: The Direct Blame Statement

You never listen to me.
You never put creases in my pants.
You use bagged salad.
You never keep the house clean.
You are going to do it your way.

All of these are direct statements of blame. You should mix actual faults with things that don't really matter to make it more confusing, and make your spouse feel as bad as possible about themselves.

Your spouse has probably already started doing the hard work to look inside his/herself (Yuck, what an awful thought!) and will take on all of the faults you list to try and correct them. This will keep them occupied for awhile, and you can avoid any serious relationship talks while they apologize for and try to fix all of their own faults.

Make sure that you don't actually accept the apology, that way you can continue to bring the fault up which will slow down their self improvement process. Remember, they are working on becoming better human beings, and you wouldn't want that to happen to fast, as that would interfere with your ability to string them along.

Note: NEVER ACTUALLY ADMIT TO ANY FAULTS OF YOUR OWN!!!! REMEMBER, YOU DON'T HAVE ANY! YOU ARE THE GOOD ONE, AND HAD THE RIGHT TO HAVE AN AFFAIR, LIE, SPEND MONEY, OR ANY OTHER THING, BECAUSE THEY ARE THE ONES THAT ARE BAD!!!

Let's not forget "We're just incompatible - we always were."

Also, when the LBS starts to make changes, make SURE you find fault with these changes, or point out how it's "too little, too late", or wasn't what you meant AT ALL. If all else fails, put the LBS down for being so willing to change herself for your needs. Also, when the LBS starts to make changes, make SURE you find fault with these changes, or point out how it's "too little, too late", or wasn't what you meant AT ALL."

How to keep you spouse guessing...be mean one minute threatening divorce, etc then next day be kind and sweet almost the way your spouse remembers you..rinse repeat....

HOW TO CONTINUE THE CRAZINESS ONCE SEPARATION/DIVORCE IS AGREED UPON

1. Even though by now you, dear MLCer, have done everything human possibly to convince your spouse that you do not love him/her and want out, when the time comes to actually file, DON"T DO IT! This is the coup de gras of MLC. Absolutely DO NOT TAKE THE INITIATIVE. This is a most vital and awesome crazy-maker. Holding out will force your by now totally devastated spouse to finally throw up his/her hands and seek legal counsel.

1. Once the LBS has had enough and decides that divorce is in their best interest, you have won HUGE points here. Refusing to be the one to file now puts YOU in the role of victim, bringing you all the attention and pity necessary to allow you to again regain your image of the abused one in all this. Now you can, with absolutely NO guilt, tell everyone the divorce was your LBS's idea (which of COURSE it was!) and they will assume that:

a. the LBS lost all that weight and obviously has been involved in an affair, and

b. the marriage ended because your LBS spouse is going through a - YES! THE PINNACLE OF CRAZINESS! - Midlife Crisis!!

Copyright The Midlife Club

World de-lurking to send you hugs

Can I second the suggestion that you and DD should have the lovely weekend away. Obviously the dogs would need looking after so you could suggest he cancels his pkans to look after them!

Plus when he said he's been unhappy for a while and you must have been able to tell ... didn't you ask him directly (by text) if he was OK and he said he was. Written evidence. Just thinking about getting your ducks in a row...

Newyearnewbrain,
It's scary how closely they all follow that script.

Team the longer I'm on here, the more relevant that script becomes. I wish it wasn't the case but fore warned is fore armed.

World I am so sorry that you are going through this. You have shown amazing restraint so far. I know a fab lady lawyer in London should you like her details. I suggest her as she's very no nonsense, shoots from the hip, brutally honest and is very realistic BUT she will also fight tooth and nail for you.
Time to consider opening a bank account solely in your name & keep the joint account for household bills only (once you've taken your money out obvs.) He is not ypur friend and will be trying every trick in the book to obstruct you financially. As already said, copies of all financial documents, pension info etc and stop that POA immediately.
I bet myw won't be too thrilled to have a bloke old enough to be her dad hanging around with her on a daily basis. Pathetic aren't they? for you and your DD

Ooops!! Not gin for your DD Should've been

Wow, I can turn flowers into gin!!! Go me

He has probably taken his passport to open a new bank account etc. Didn't take him long

You need to start being very pro active. Take all paperwork. Mortgage,savings,investments,pensions,birth certificates,marriage certificate etc. Think along the lines that he is not your husband but a person who does not have your best interests at heart (th I he hasn't for a while - likewise your daughter ) He has been thinking with his dick and now you have to stop thinking with your heart and start now thinking with the head. Total all monies he has used on ow and see that as money stolen from your daughters future. He is now the cuckoo in the nest and needs to be treated as such. You might find he does not come home tonight. More time for you to get sorted. If he does it might be to try to sort out things to suit him. Remember it's his mother, so as much as you like her -it's his mother. He has no right to invade your personal space so he should not be able to walk into YOUR bedroom tomorrow morning. Chuck his clothes onto spare bed - chuck ! Do no cooking,washing,tidying etc for him. Take the nice food and put in your bedroom. He has chosen his new life. You choose yours.

@NewYearbrain....... jeez now I am depressed :p

There are some familiar patterns in there.

Hi OP, please rethink your solicitor. You are paying her for her professional advice not her friendship. It was unprofessional of her to tell you that she had recently divorced. She shouldn't be empathising over how you feel as much as that might make you feel comfortable. And you should be getting more than 50/50. It has been a long marriage, you have given up the chance of a career to date and will be expected to retrain now. You need someone who has experience in dealing with SAHM's in a relatively high net worth marriage.

world I've been following your thread. I'm so sorry your going through this, no one deserves to go through this. So much of what you have said reflects what happened with my ExDP. The script really is just that. I had the whole "We've been unhappy for a long time" have we? when did that happen? The spending on credit cards to impress YOW, he tried to blame this on me as he had full control of all our finances.

I did the pick me dance. I regret it, I could have moved on and been a lot happier, a lot quicker. He continued to see YOW and deny she existed whilst we "tried to work things out". He went from "I love you I'm not in love with you" to "it's all your fault, you've let yourself go" to trying to accuse me of having an affair. He will get nasty pretty quickly.

Once he realises he's not going to get his own way, be prepared for him to "realise his mistake". He'll make degrading comments about YOW to you, there will be unexpected gifts or help (it will be used against you), he will attempt to butter you up. DON'T FALL FOR THIS. It's still just an attempt to have his cake and eat it.

NOw is the time to focus on you, focus on your upcoming studies and the future that's going to bring you and your DD. Focus on getting yourself out the house and meeting friends as much as you may not feel like it at the moment, it really does help to start making you feel a bit more human.

You are so incredibly strong at the moment, it's very admirable. I wish I'd had your strength 3 years ago.

It certainly is, TeamCersei. My marriage of 15yrs imploded for various longstanding reasons (not to do with cheating), late last summer. During settlement negotiation while we were still cohabiting but officially separated, I finally acted on my feelings that something else wasn't right and started looking for a possible reason why he'd turned so nasty... wondering whether it was connected to him acting more strangely than usual over the past few years. I discovered he'd been having an affair (emotional, possibly physical - I still don't know, he admits to very little and is still fibbing about most of it) just two weeks after we'd signed the Separation Agreement. Bastard. I still don't know how long it had been going on for, but I suspect a couple of years at least.

Since confronting him, the verbal abuse has only got worse, and the blatant lying and annihilation of trust has been such a hard thing to come to terms with. In an effort to understand what had turned this supposedly fairly mild-mannered intelligent 50y/o I'd married all those years ago, into a raving hard-hearted illogical dishonest maniac, I did quite a bit of reading. Symptoms tie up very much with narcissism, and last night when I finally read The Script on here, the similarities were just shocking. Word-for-word, a lot of it.

Worldupsidedown, I send you love and some peace vibes occasionally, amid all the tension. Posters on here who have asked you to think about what sort of example you want to show your DD through all this, have it right on the button. Do try to keep that in mind at all times, if you can - it's really difficult.

I made silly excuses initially and tried to nicely retain civility etc re DH - a bit like you obviously tend to do; it's part of our nature, and part of wanting to keep things on some sort of reasonable keel for our children/teens - but eventually one has to accept the truth of what many people have told you on here: he is a rotten cheater and he will do and say things you'd never imagine, in order to stop having to face his own crapness. Despite him remembering occasionally to protest otherwise, he is now living almost entirely for himself. You have to be steely, to fight against narcissism and spoilt little man-boys like the ones ours have turned out to be

Find your inner strength, and show yourself and your DD that you can plow a better path without him. Oh, while still maintaining co-parenting if that's what spoilt man-boy wants, sigh. It's a very tricky balancing act... but hey, women have managed those 'balancings' for aeons before us, and they will continue to have to do so, for centuries to come.

I am cynically convinced that we are a LONG way from achieving marital, household, employment or societal equality... evils such as misogyny, patriarchy and gender inequality are why such a huge percentage of males will continue behaving like Script-following shits and thinking they can get away with it. Forever and ever amen, it seems. Yours in solidarity and strength

Op, well done xx it took guts to get through the last few days and have the courage to follow up on your initial unease.

But you are going to need to be even stronger I'm afraid. I'm going to write harshly because I can sense you clinging to hope, and I think your current solicitor is enabling this.

1. You can NEVER trust him again. You might think you will, but you won't. Neither will your daughter.
2. If you do not make rapid and decisive moves around finances and divorce, he's going to fucking shaft you. And your daughter. You cannot trust him.
3. Your solicitor us not paid to be your friend, or empathise because she's been there (telling you that is actually very unprofessional). She is paid to represent you, interpret the law to you and above all protect your interests. This situation with your husband does not say 'could be fixed with counselling' - he's been fucking a younger woman, on family time and on family money and has not put up one ounce of wanting to save the marriage. If he hadn't done that now, any sign of this later is a continuation of abuse and using you.
4. He's going to shaft you. There is no coming back from this, the MIL has implicitly shifted blame to you by saying about rash decisions. He's already made the decisions, you're just catching up. By saying that he darling boy has just 'been a bit silly' and you'll be the bitter spiteful wife.

No one here is saying try to fix this. Everyone, EVERYONE, is saying get a better solicitor and get moving. Please listen.

If I get flamed for being too harsh, I will live with it if it lands with you.

Please do what you can as soon as you can xxx

I echo Bunny (no pun intended 😂).

I haven't commented a lot on this thread but I have been following. Xx

What sickens me is how a man can flip frombeing caring and loving towards his wife one minute, to outright hate and nastiness - all in a matter of days.
How is that possible?
How can someone you've spent the last 20 years with, 'turn' on you so quickly?
Does it mean that they never really loved you?
They were only pretending?

Seeing the depressing frequency of this sort of thing on Relationships has made me examine my own relationship.
it's making me question my own DH.
What's really going on in his head? Could he turn nasty? Overnight?
Maybe men really are from bloody Mars.

Please don't think you will automatically get maintenance from your cunt H. I don't want to be the bearer of bad news but please don't get your hopes up. Maintenance is a 'funny thing'.

1. My friends DM left her DF. Also abandoned her and her sister (16 and 13 at the time). DM wouldn't see friend or sister and demanded a divorce and maintenance. She got it! DF kept the girls and the house and it took her DM 10 years to get in contact. Sister ended up with severe depression and anxiety and DM was only a 'guest' at friend's wedding. Her SDM was on the top table with her DF. She has a 'distant' relationship with her mum not just because of the abandonment but also because her DF had to spend his hard earned money to keep her in the lifestyle SHE chose to leave.

On the other hand,

1. My parents divorced at the end of 2015. My DF earned 4 times as much as my DM (my DM earns below the personal tax threshold - way below). Their financial settlement had to go in front of a judge because my cunt of a DF (who brought the divorce proceedings) refused to pay the mortgage, refused my mum half his pension and refused her maintenance. My mum got half of the equity on the house, half of the value of their caravan, half his pension in monetary value BUT NO MAINTENANCE. My DF had packed in his job the month before it went to court saying he could no longer afford the car insurance (utter bollocks as he paid in full in the May and he did it to lessen his income so he didn't have to pay my mum). Once the decree Nisi came through, he went back to his old job and bought a jaguar! He actually cut ties with me (DM living with us because the council couldn't give her a home until she was homeless and she LITERALLY would have been on the streets - she moved 125 miles away to have a roof over her head). I stopped the Christmas visit from my DF because it was DM's home and I wasn't going to spoil her Christmas plus others who were coming for Christmas (MIL and two friends) all said no too. Well, cunt DF decided to cut all ties with me and his grandchildren from then onwards.

So please don't get your hopes up regarding maintenance. If your cunt of a H is stubborn and has a good lawyer, he too may dig his heals in. By all means go for it - I am fully supportive of anyone who has been the victim of an affair to take everything they can get as 'compensation' for the turmoil in their lives that the cheating bastard has put you and any children through and more to ensure their future lives are not financially blighted also.

In all honesty, I do think there should be legal financial penalties for anyone who has an affair whilst married, especially when there are children involved. If you're so unhappy in a marriage that you would rather be with someone else, then by all means end a marriage. But don't string along the other half whilst you behave like a cheating, lying cunt of a bastard having dirty sex with a bitch who is compliant in someone else's heartache.