Is he having an affair #2

[worldupsidedown]

Continuing on from 'is he having an affair'

23:03 and still not home.

Some excellent advice here. Just want to add - you don't want a nice solicitor who is easy for you to get on with - you want a Shit Hot Lawyer. One who will play hard ball in your interests, tell you straight about stuff, and be absolutely dedicated to ensuring you get the best possible deal. They get their fee regardless. Make sure you get the right person for the job. Don't be afraid to shop around a little.

AngyE if YOW is the one who wrote the note, I'm damn sure she is as he said there's never been anyone else, although he's 'had opportunities' then yes, he did pursue her after she said no

'..staying with me and being so great last week let's swiftly forget it ever happened...:)

What a total arse he is you may find and I hope you do once he tells her you know he may get shown the door by her especially since she did say no in the first place!!

Also if she is in a relationship already what was an exciting fling could become a harsh wake up call when she thinks her life could now be affected especially if they work together!!

You really do have to be hard when I got divorced I was lol set to be reasonable let's just say he crossed me so the gloves came off, he WILL try and manipulate you and potentially tell you what he thinks you need to hear to get his way.

As for the MIL she has rose tinted glasses on follow your heart trust your instincts

*I'm going to tell him that he needs to move in with YOW

If she's single she surely must have her own place?*

Maybe she's married as well..? Perhaps that's why all the hotels are needed.

Did you send a text to everyone yet @worldupsidedown?

He told me she's single 'younger than you?' Yes 'much younger than you? ' yes

I know your MIL is upset but don't listen to her re: working things out, as that would be for her benefit not yours

Not told anyone else yet, just MIL

Just sorted dirty laundry, the very though I've been handling his fucking pants!

How is your DD World? I agree that you should try to keep her out of it as much as possible, you've said that she already knows and has picked up on his behaviour herself. I understand she was at her BF's last night. Is she still there or has she come home today? Hope she's ok

Put his dirty pants back in his laundry basket.

You need to get finances sorted asap. I mean records, account balances, investments, etc. this because (imo) once he realizes you are dead serious the first thing he's going to do is build a brick wall around 'his money'.

You need your solicitor to get papers going to 'freeze' assets before he starts transferring them away.

He's a cheat. Don't think for one second that he won't be a cheat in areas other than sex. He will.

DD is still at BFs and staying again tonight. First time she's met his family and she's loving it there. Unfortunately BF goes on holiday for 10 days on Friday but DD can stay there any time while he's away, but her BGF will be back, she lives locally, BF is a car/train ride

Especially when he starts wringing to his little side-piece. Remember she has a vested interest in him having a good deal of dosh to spend on her.

He's taken his passport

He may have taken his passport as proof of ID to open up a new bank account.
He really is a sly cunt person

He is starting to protect himself pretty quickly. You have to do the same I'm afraid.

Tell your MIL you will NOT be having him back. Be very clear. HE has betrayed your trust and that's the end of the marriage. Tell her he has apparently (they all say it by the way, it means jack shit) been unhappy for years[]hmm] Be clear that you do not care if he 'comes to his senses' it is too late & you are not living your life waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I know she means well, but ffs. As most parents do she wants her son & family to be happy. Sadly HE fucked that up, not you. Do not be guilted into taking him back or being painted as the unreasonable one. Remember HE chose to have an affair. Even if he was unhappy, he owed it to you to talk to you, to tell you, to see what could be done. THAT was his opportunity to work
It out. Not now.

Be sure about your solicitor too. She sounds nice but a bit soft. You really need someone with some teeth!

He may just think you will take it don't panic if you had he could have easily obtained a new one but it just shows his mind is already working out there are going to be consequences!!

As for her being younger try not to dwell it doesn't make her any better than you

Why on earth does your MIL think you are the one who might be doing something rash? What on earth makes her think you would want to work it out with a lying, cheating, coward who has been using your money to court and stick his penis in another woman?

Please ask her that if she continues to carry on about you having him back...

I presume you'll tell your DD that it's ok to tell her BGF? She needs s friend, not just her BF. Please be careful it doesn't push her & her boyfriend into this being more serious than she should be at 15. I ended up staying in a relationship at that age for 8 years because life was a bit shit for a while and he was 'the only one that understood me'. Fortunately he was lovely, but we weren't right for each other long term and I should have moved on a lot sooner. I know you like bf but she is only 15.

Of course he has! He's not stupid. If you know to stash important documents away, so does he. I expect he'll be scheduling a solicitor appointment, too. All the while telling you he 'isn't sure' or 'let's not jump the gun' to try and convince you not to do anything that would 'ruin your chances with him', because he's under the impression that you'll take him back regardless of what you may be saying.

You have to start thinking pro-actively. You must start approaching everything he says and does with the mind-set that he is untrustworthy and tricksy. When you think to do something, think also that he is probably thinking the same. You are engaged in a chess game, not draughts. Strategy and the long game, not a quick jump, jump and 'king me'. This is another reason why you need to be quiet and not say or do things to show your hand.

I think you might want to spend some time today re-checking for important papers and checking passwords. Either take the originals or make copies and get them out of the house. Take them to a friend/relative or rent a safe deposit box.

And remember, too, that although MiL is on your side now, she is still his mother. I'd be very cautious of discussing the legal/financial aspects of this situation with her. If push comes to shove don't be surprised if she lands on his side in this. If things get acrimonious (or he 'threatens' her) she will probably feel that her best chances of seeing DD is through her son.

World, have you got a friend who can come over this evening, or you can meet up with outside?
Do you think he'll come home this evening?

Why do they all say "I wasn't happy for years"......erm, bloody say something then!

Apparently my ex and I had a 4th child to fix our marriage......a marriage that wasn't broken in the first place, and we had only had a baby 8 months before. Guess that's how they justify their actions

debbs77 - I think he might be about to find out the true meaning of 'Un-happy' and regret what he's lost.