Is he having an affair #2

[worldupsidedown]

Continuing on from 'is he having an affair'

23:03 and still not home.

Absolutely TELL him to move in with her. I'd get locks changed, but I think PP said you can't if you're married.

If we get divorced it's all split 50/50, but additional consideration that with DD I will need an appropriate (bigger) property and mortgage free as I've been sahm, plus the maintenance for both of us for appropriate years.

Sorry you're going through this.

Did the solicitor confirm all that regarding the house and mortgage. So the house you get must be mortgage free?
I think it's important at to get all the financial side of things sorted asap as you don't what him to start syphoning off assets.

Have you told his family yet, particularly his mother? I never got on with my ex MIL that well until she found out her son had been cheating. She was horrified.
She came straight over, tore into him, made him get his stuff together there and then and forced him to leave. I don't think he would have gone otherwise, and I think it only worked at that point because he was still shell shocked from being found out.

She is going to be very disappointed when he can't sustain this level of spending isn't she? What an arrogant dumb arse he is, such entitlement. Agree with getting the divorce under way asap, it will be the very last thing he expects.

Wow, so the solicitor said you are entitled to a bigger house, mortgage free plus maintenance for you and DD? I'm shocked. All very interesting though.

Been trying to call MIL all day, she may be working, volunteer at CAB!

All money moved has to be accounted for, OMs ex has tried to move and hide money so it will still have to be declared

Don't forget a share of any pensions! This may seem ages away, but is really important!
Living mortgage free will make things much easier.
It's very early days at the moment, but if If I were you, I'd look into getting a very modest place for you and dd to live in (thus keeping running costs low) and using the residue to buy a second property to rent out. It's amazing what a good independent financial advisor/ mortgage advisor can get, even if you have no job.

Yep, I will need 2 beds for us, plus I will need a room to run my business once I'm qualified

Does he have enough money to buy you a big mortgage free house though? Just thinking practically.

Yes 50% of his pension paid to me to put where I want. He has a good pension, plus shares. Unfortunately we have a big mortgage and eu holiday let in negative equity but we just paid part of the mortgage off so repayment will be low. I manage it from here so could now take % of bookings for myself

Worldupsidedown you've got this.

Am rooting for you every step of the way.

Problem is we live in an expensive area, but solicitor said they also take lifestyle into account, I shouldn't have to move to a less desirable area of town, and DD needs to be close to school. We also have to consider the dogs, they are a breed that needs plenty of space to run around, we currently have a large plot and nr woodland. He won't be able to take the dogs, they can't be separated and I won't have them re-homed

They are possibly the last thing on his mind!

Sorry if my words come across as harsh, OP - but he has every intention of looking out for himself first and above you and dd.

He's had no problem spending family money - which you help earn in your role as sahm - on OW.
He's had no problem point blank lying to your face
He's had no problem with sinking to the depths he has regards deceit, betrayal and breaking the moral code

He will start fucking about with the money once he realises you are serious about not doing anything for him.
"well if you're not my wife then i don't have to support you" or some other lame excuse like that.
Remember - he could easily open a new account and get his wages paid into there. Then what would you do?

You can't trust him one bit.
You can't assume to know the inner workings of his fucked up head.
The one thing that you can bet 99.9% on - he will put himself first.

Transfer half the joint savings to your own account!
Do it the same time you cancel the other card.
Don't tell him - let him do his own donkey work.

The way he's been able to compartmentalize his two lives, txt her 'openly' right in front/next to you....all whilst playing at happy families with you.....it's creepy, quite psycho actually

She is going to be very disappointed when he can't sustain this level of spending isn't she?

At the moment its all
Theatre trips
Cinema
Hotel breaks with possible spa treatments
Not to mention all the other little 'gifts' he's given her.

All funded from money that's meant to go towards his family
Luckily it looks as if OP is really switched on and his little 'fuck fund' will come to an abrupt end.
I wonder if much younger OW will still want him once she realises he won't be able to spend as much money on her?

Stay strong OP and be prepared for him to eventually try to try and make things right with you.
If you're ever tempted to take him back, remember two things:

1. He only wants to get back with you because he can't have her. Could you have a relationship where you know you are second best in his eyes. The consolation prize as it were?
2. He will say he's sorry, but he only became 'sorry' once you found out about the affair.
3. He's a liar and has possibly being lying for years. He won't change.

Well, 3 things!

Pleased to hear all that.. and yes, they does happen Scrumptiousbear... they is what one of the people I know got. The blokes come off worse and so he should now!! In the case of the person I know, it is only until the child is 18 or leaves home and then I think she has to get a job or something???

That... not that... silly fone!!!

Wait, your solicitor has told you that you are entitled to a mortgage free 3 bedroomed house?

And he has to pay spousal maintenance to you on top of child maintenance for your dd?

Such good advice, I don't know what I'd be thinking/doing right now without you all, I've not even been on MN that long, I really only got into it reading an exciting thread while on holiday, of course DH was not at all interested in my updates, DD was though

All money moved has to be accounted for, OMs ex has tried to move and hide money so it will still have to be declared

Who is OMs ex?

OM, no idea! OSM? Old school mate (m)

Fairenuff - it's as she has lived in a certain style for years and as of his actions, she isn't to be seen to have to change it...

I was lucky with the hubby as when he was going through it, this was a worry. Luckily they had only been together 18 months married and it made a difference. (She cheated on him shortly after they married!)

I'd be cautious about what the solicitor is saying. That sounds like best possible scenario, not the most likely.

I can understand spousal maintenance in some circumstances but a three bed house with no mortgage is unlikely surely?