Is he having an affair #2

[worldupsidedown]

Continuing on from 'is he having an affair'

23:03 and still not home.

Sorry but option (a) shouldn't even be an option! He has deceived both you and your DD to to very highest level.

For me, there would be no going back and he needs to leave. You need to think of yourself and your DD now.

Secret dates and trips abroad are probably not as exciting once he's single. Especially once he's been taken to the cleaners and doesn't have your income to support his double life!

As well as using your joint family money to fund his affair, he's also been using you in other ways.

You've (unknowingly) been keeping him
Healthy and fit for OW (feeding him meals)
Keeping him smart looking (ironing his shirts)
Keeping him sane (well- run cushy home life)

You need to stop doing all that for him.
Lets see how much the OW still wants him when he starts to look like a scruffy bag of shit and starts looking like the sad midlife crisis cliche that he really is!

World the Rosewood rates start at about £475 a night! But he said he's not frittering money? That's fucking unacceptable. Take £500 out of the joint account for yourself. Match his selfishness.

I'm fuming on your behalf!

He will try and con you about what your due.
They all say they want it to be fair, what they mean is they don't want to lose out.
The divorce laws changed recently to NEEDS.
This means nothing is off the table in regards to assets.
The Judge will decide how much each of you need to sort yourself s out, ask for 70% and wait, you will get that, sometimes a clean break is better than having to go cap in hand while he bitches about having to pay up.

socubatervira

"he'll prob be feeling a bit of a buzz that there's two women who 'want' him."

This^ It's called triangulation.

I stopped cooking for him, or buying him food in the weekly shop. Stopped doing his laundry and ironing, (I still smile when I remember his look of confusion when he looked for a crisply ironed shirt hanging in his wardrobe, only to find it empty, and the dirty shirts lurking in the washing basket grin ). I stopped talking to him about anything other than the kids. He left his car lights on, I didn't tell him, he got a flat battery, I didn't care. Basically, I made his 'home' with us as uncomfortable as I could. Not to hurt him, but to protect me, to detach in order to cope.

Excellent.
They're good at cheating.
Not so good at coping with the nitty gritty of every day life.

You know what, I think everyone who knows him, his friends and family, I think everyone is going to be utterly utterly horrified and disgusted at his behaviour

I agree a) shouldn't be an option.

You need to set an example to your daughter now.

If your daughter was cheated on my her husband and you were offering her advice, what would you tell her?

Look at this as an outsider. Ignore emotions and think facts xx

Just looked at that hotel that's really taking the piss. I agree take the money out why should he fritter your family money. Disgraceful

OP
I hope you're getting some RL support today- and not from his BM. You need someone who's friendship loyalties TOTALLY lie with you.

Match his spending penny for penny. Whatever he uses to fund his affair transfer into your sole account. No one can question that. Don't believe for a second that he won't turn nasty.

He is taking no responsibility for his affair. If a grown man is unhappy in his relationship he discusses it, makes changes or ends the marriage. He did none of this. Instead he slept with a much younger woman. I wouldn't be surprised if she had no long term interest in him. He must be old enough to be her dad.

Maybe they do a hourly rate for seedy cheats.

OW is much younger

Such a cliche.
She sees him as a meal ticket.
This is why the OP should get a really good laywer rasap and ensure the much younger OW doesn't get what's rightfully the OP's.

I've been through exactly this situation with my sister. With hindsight I can say that she made the situation much harder for herself because she just could not accept, that from the moment she found out her husband was cheating, her life was irredeemably altered. She constantly hoped that the clock could be turned back and all could be exactly as it was.
This seems very harsh but if you can force yourself to accept that your "dh" is not the man you thought he was and never will be again, you will put yourself in a much stronger position.
Even, if in the future, you decide to forgive him you will be doing this from the stronger perceptive of understanding his weaknesses.

So this is the best advice I can offer you; accept that you can't turn the clock back. Put yourself and your daughter first, make decisions based on what is best for you in the long term. Expect and plan for a life apart from your husband.
(You may in the future decide to try again with him but for now expect that you won't.)

After many difficult years my sister has found a lovely man, and is married again. She is happy again. It took her a long time because she just couldn't relinquish her old life. ( She was 43 when her marriage broke up and had 2 young children).

I think you will be able to deal with this in a far more positive way than my sister did.
I am sure one day all will be well for you.

Before you know it she will be pregnant, then all his good intentions of not 'frittering money' on her will go out of the window.

Kalei made a good suggestion re giving yourself a sum equal to the hotel room. Tote up all his ow related expenses you can find and withdraw an equal sum and stash it. As far as the weekend away either go yourself or cancel and keep the refund. The spare cash (aka a 'fuck you fund') may come in handy if he decides to play games with money. He cannot be trusted to financially play fair. Especially if he leaves.

OP is the cc in your name or his?

Not sure if it has been mentioned but get your original marriage certificate as you need that to start divorce proceedings. I got a fire proof lockable box and collected everything I needed, passport, certificates, birth certificates etc and locked them away.
Look after you and your daughter, you are the absolute priority. Xx

He spent £160 at Rosewood, could have been something other than a room. Food, spa, I don't know

FUCK YES! The card is in my name! We have another card in his name, the holiday card. I need to get it from his wallet, hopefully he'll leave it in the usual place and I'll nab it!

You need to stop that cc immediately.

Can't you just phone the cc people and tell them it's lost? They will cancel it and issue you a new one.

If he doesn't pay it off, those debts will be in your name. Phone them and cancel it.

And withdraw the EXACT amount of cash from the holiday card to pay the payments on your card that he's used with other Woman!

Cheeky fucker!

Or just pay yours off online with his card then get a new card saying yours is lost.