Is he having an affair #2

[worldupsidedown]

Continuing on from 'is he having an affair'

23:03 and still not home.

You've got to divorce him, what would you want your dd to do? She's a teen isn't she? She will be looking to you to see how a adult woman responds to this shit- divorce him. Be an example of dignity and strength for your daughter x

I'd do everything @user1499333856 said.

I bet his 'I don't know if I love her (OW)' will depend entirely on whether or not she's still interested now the cats out the bag! Secret dates and trips abroad are probably not as exciting once he's single. Especially once he's been taken to the cleaners and doesn't have your income to support his double life!

Do get your will sorted to protect your assets to DD and any POA revoked ASAP.

He may have already done his!

How long as he been seeing her, did he say?

He's gone to WORK!!! Coward
Not been happy for years(bollocks) funny how it's not till they find OW that it comes out.

His playing for time, he really didn't expect you to find out(how dare he think your so stupid)
I reckon OW is married or as partner.

You don't want to be in the same house as somebody who doesn't want YOU
How dare he still think YOU can live like that, selfish bastard comes to mind. He thinks he can call the shots in all of this, fuck that, get some dignity and tell him to fuck off your not prepared to live like that, and how dare he think it that easy.

I feel the devastation your going through right now, but look after yourself(because he's detached himself now)

If finances can run to it
He should find an hotel/apartment ASAP, you can not both live in the same house with all this shit going on.
You BOTH need space, you don't need to rush off to the solicitor(you already now what your intitled to)
Your running on adrenaline

He needs to go, if only so he comes to HIS senses

Was there any sign of regret or remorse from him OP?

Our wills and POA were done together at home with a local will guy.. EVERYTHING is set for each other and/or DD in all scenarios, totally and utterly as it should be as a married couple, if he croaks I get everything.

They are possibly the last thing on his mind!

Do you think OW is married op? Im wondering if his "im unsure if I love her" will be because she might not want to leave her husband for him once the affair is uncovered. What a shame if he were to be left alone ... the TWAT !

God forbid his long term plan is to get you out of the house and move MYW in. But I wouldn't be surprised.

I agree with XJerseyGirlX (btw, Channel Islands? Is so, hello from Guernsey)

I think the OW is married. If she wasn't, he would have been going to her place, not apartments. He's hedging his bets to see what she does with her marriage before he makes a decision about you. If she decides to stay with her husband, he's going to want you back as his housekeeper.

I haven't experienced what you're going through, I can't imagine what it's like. But you're getting a lot of good advice on here from people who do know what they're talking about and I wish you well with this, you deserve happiness, you're nobodies second best x

He is saying he is unsure if he loves her to attempt to minimise what's happening. It gives him time to think before he commits to a decision and leaves OP holding on.

Thing is OP, with all the counselling in the world he is a cheat and once a cheat always a cheat.

World I am so sorry to be reading all of this on catch up. Your world must really feel like it's imploding.

I haven't been through any of this (never married), so I cannot offer sage advice, but the suggestions from others here are amazing, and I'm so glad you have posted & have these folk to help you through it.

I can reiterate what everybody else has said about the cheek of this c*nt, but just know he is fully to blame. Do not waver on that. Don't let him put any of his shit on you.

Sending love & strength for you & your DD. Take good care of yourself.

I had to live with my ExH for 6 months when we first split.
Horrible horrible time.
He wouldn't even move out of our bedroom, the arrogant twat.
I had to take the spare room.
God I was schmuck back then! I didn't have MN. You do.
Take note of all the advice.
I spent a lot of time at the gym just keeping out of house and away from him.
Weekends always spent with family and friends.
Try to get him gone!
It's horrible watching them come and go as they please.
You, knowing that they are visiting OW and having sex etc...
It is truly soul destroying.
Don't do it!

Also. If you have still be having sex you are going to need a trip to an STI clinic.

Condoms don't protect against everything and you need to know you are OK.

I'm glad you have a solicitor you can trust. Invaluable.

From what you've said, it doesn't sound like he cares enough about your marriage to come back from this. You can try with all your might to make it work, but you will be the only one. I had years of this, my DCs were small and I felt it was still all to play for.

Only one of us cared enough.

He never fought back. He just didn't value what I valued - our family and our life. He wasn't the person I thought he was after 12 years.

Divorce as a process was relatively straight forward. Has your solicitor mentioned mediation? We sorted every thing out with a mediator, finalised it with solicitors and rubber stamped it with a court order. He paid all costs. I was a SAHP.

Take a few days. If he has any decency left he will stay away for a few days at least.

What an arsehole fucking coward he is.

I hate this when you hear of knobs like him seeing someone else whilst still trying to act like everything is normal at home. Then he has the audacity to say he hasn't been happy for ages. Well he should have said something before now shouldn't he? Tit!

OP you don't know it yet but you will be so much better without him. He can't ever be trusted. He didn't have your back. You and his family were down on the list of his priorities.

If he loved you like he should have done he would have had you at the top of his list and have been his main priority. Instead, he put this other bloody woman (complicit in all of this!!) at the top of that list. She was on his mind all of the bloody time. Whilst you washed his fucking knickers no less! Grrrr!! I can't think of anything worse - wearing his knickers with her and then you washing them WTF!!

You will have a tough few months ahead, but please make the right decision for you. My opinion is you are worth a whole lot more than this git deserves.

Whilst this won't be on your radar, if you choose to have a new relationship in the future, there are so many lovely men who would treat you like a Queen (I know from experience!)

YOW is single 'much younger', etc, all the cliches

OP try and find your anger. It seems like he did want you to find out after all, hence all the clues he left you to find. He just didn't want to be the one to say he wants to separate. In fact, he still doesn't want to say it. He's a coward and an idiot too if he thinks he can just carry on as before.

Whilst he is out, rearrange your house. Put his clothes in the spare room and clear space for him in the fridge. Label a cupboard for his food in the kitchen and separate any clothes in the laundry so his are left for him to do.

File for divorce now. Even if you change your mind, it will send a clear and strong message to him that you are not going to be fucked with. Tell your family and close friends but stay away from fb. You need to keep your dignity here and take control.

I think he just wants us to live together separately, I don't know

Don't give him the satisfaction. Make it uncomfortable for him and he will hopefully move out. Can you get an estate agent round to value the house even if it's just to rattle him.

Remember, it's not about what he wants any more. He had his chance and he made his choice. Now it's time for you to make some choices.

I expect once he leaves it won't take long before she gets tired of him and wants to be with someone closer to her in age and without the baggage of an ex wife and child. Ultimately he will be the loser. Stay strong.

Well the OW is a flipping mug isn't she? Getting set up with a bloke who treats another woman like that, and setting a fine example to his daughter.

He's hardly catch of the fucking century. Mind you, I hope he does fucking catch something off her.

Get into your friends/family sharpish OP and please don't be ashamed or embarrassed to tell them. They'd be upset if you didn't tell them and all their dismay will be directed towards him.

Dear world, I too have been in exactly the same situation as you unfortunately find yourself in,
I just wanted to let you know that I truly understand what you are going through & to send you a big hug xxx

You can have all his stuff delivered to her place then with a bunch of flowers at work to say thanks for taking the lying,cheating twunt off your hands. I can't see a) as any option in this case, you're not anyone's second choice and you'll never trust him again anyway.

I think the fact that he has gone to work this morning says if all really. It shows that he has already checked out of the marriage and showing remorse and working on improving the marriage etc is not on his agenda at this point.
I expect he's very keen to see OW and check out whether she'll leave her partner.
Be strong World, you will come through this horrible situation and be happy again, but it takes time. Meanwhile, only make decisions based on what's best for you and your daughter. Is she coming home today?

It might work in your favour to do the living together bit for a while, you can get your career in order, get some savings squirrelled for a deposit etc.

Does she still live with her parents OP?

I don't think he did deliberately left clues. When he got home he was quite agitated, he obviously still didn't know I knew but he hadn't been able to come up with an excuse and wasn't prepared to calmly sit down and spill the beans, he was, I think, going to try and deny it. He had no idea I'd been checking the cc online, I never mentioned the card I found in his bag, I'm sure it's from her now.

oh and another luxury hotel added on cc from yesterday; Rosewood, London nr his offices I think.