Is he having an affair #2

[worldupsidedown]

Continuing on from 'is he having an affair'

23:03 and still not home.

Firstly well done, I won't add much everyone else is fab.

Just want to say that hard as it is, now is the most crucial time. Be impenetrably strong on the surface, break down when you're alone or with friends but to him, be pure ice.

File for divorce asap, tell some people you know. You seem like a lovely person and also shock must have made you offer him that weekend but in the cold light of day, fuck that, he's not using that on your special weekend, if DD is free bring her.

You're in shock, drink tea and don't bottle things up

Sorry for what you are going through.
My advice is you need someone in real life to support you is there a member of your family or a friend? it would be goodbye to have moral support right there also

I'm so sorry OP. Yes definitely don't do the pick me dance. Tell everyone, do not admit you haven't been happy, do not make him food/ drinks or iron his clothes. Don't do ANYTHING for him, she can do that if that's what he wants. Make sure he does not get the best of both worlds.

, I don't know. He is remorseful but I don't think he knows what he wants. I'm going to sleep now,

Fuck what he,wants.
Get some sleep OP and when you wake up, make a firm resolution to make it all about what YOU want.

Sorry world although at least you should be clear to file for divorce on grounds of adultery (do name her, won't you). And EasyJet don't fly to Athens from Luton so he's already started lying again.

Tell everyone (including his family) before he gets the chance to swing it his way. In fact, contact his mum today, saying she is more than welcome to still come at the weekend, maybe to tell her son what a fine specimen of a man he's turned into.

but be prepared that a lot of people,nay have suspected (or even known) about his dirty secret . Sadly this is often the case.

I wonder if the ow is married? in wonder if he knows?

If even what he's said about the flights is a lie you just have to say I assume they are for both of you and you are lying about spending our money on your new woman. What else can you assume? And then you have to split finance and be very clear on what's for you and your Dd. Everything for bills food and any expenses at all,Holidays you want to take.

Echoing what others have said. Go on that weekend with DD but make sure you have put a lock on your bedroom. If he knows you're away, he may come to house with OW and you don't want her in your room.

Make sure you have copies of all the financials and legal docs. Keep your DDs and your passports and birth certificates in a safe place where he can't find them.

File for divorce and tell everyone. My ExH had loads of affairs and I was so ashamed I kept it all to myself. I left it too late to cite adultery so had to go down unreasonable behaviour route. Because I didn't go public for ages my family stayed friends with him and were appalled when I finally told them what our marriage had been like. Not sure my DM ever got over it as she felt awful about remaining on good terms with him.

Please please,please get to a solicitor today. Even if you don't feel like doing anything else, do that one thing.
The scumbag may say that he won't fritter money on the ow, but this is a person who has lied and been deceitful about things, possibly for years.
You can't trust and shouldn't trust anything he says.
You dont want him and ow getting money that should rightfully be yours your dd.

and keep everything close to your chest.

Just caught up. So sorry to read your updates. Others have better advice than I do. Sending you a hug. Make use of the time while he's dithering to take decisive action and retake control. You must be all over the place but don't let him see that. Totally agree with moving all his stuff out of your room, putting a lock on your bedroom door and stopping doing all his laundry/ cooking etc immediately.

So sorry World, please go easy on yourself. This will be a massive shock to the system

Definitely go on the weekend. I would take a friend rather than DD, someone you can scream and rage in front of. Leave him at home with the animals and to face the wrath of his mother.

YES to telling everyone. You were not unhappy so shut that little nugget down at every opportunity too.

File for Divorce this week. Contact Tax Credits to make an enquiry about what you might be entitled too. Get in on record that your marriage ended yesterday and from now on you are two separate households.

I almost feel sorry for him. He has no idea that the Hounds of Hell are about to be unleashed.

No way would I be cooking or doing his laundry.

I second this.
You musnt do anything for him. Not a thing.
if you continue doing those things for him then he really is having his cake and eating it.
Let him do his own bloody ironing and cooking.

Oh OP I'm so so sorry.
It's a horrible truly shitty situation.
My stomach was churning as I was reading your updates so goodness only knows how you were feeling.

But as others have said. The 1st thing you do is get some real life support around you.
Do NOT keep his dirty little secret.
My biggest regret was not telling people sooner and having to deal with it all on my own. Don't do that to yourself.

And he's following 'the script'.
i.e. re-writing history. Hasn't been happy for years etc...
Pay no attention to that.
It's bullshit. Something he's telling himself to justify his awful, disgusting behaviour.

You won't know how to feel. You are currently in shock.
The adrenalin will keep you going for a while but not forever.
You will crash and to handle that you will need to keep yourself hydrated and your sugar levels up.
As I always say, I couldn't stomach eating solids so sugary tea and ice-lollies got me through the 1st stages of this.

Please do see a solicitor.
You won't know for a while but you may not want to live in the house.
You may want a clean fresh start.
For now you'll want to hold on to everything, but that can and will change in time.

RL support.
Solicitor.

Try to keep busy. Get out and about. Go and see people.
Since my more recent split, middle of February, I've had only 1 free weekend.
So get some dates in the diary.

Lastly - step away from facebook.
We all do it but it's really not worth it.

Sending you

Gosh he really wants to have his cake and eat it. Wtf did he think would happen, you could carry on living together, not getting divorced.

Well done on your handling of it. I wouldn't engage in any discussion with him. And make life hard for him at home. He needs to realise what his actions mean.

OP there's some very good advice on here, especially about legal stuff .
Once you've had something to eat (you must try and eat) get a notebook and pen and read through the replies slowly and carefully
Make notes of anything that you think is good, sensible advice.
At the moment your mind will be all over the place and having a list of things do do/people to speak to, might give you something to focus on.

Get yourself in the bath, have a wallow in lots of bubbles for at least 20 mins. Go out for breakfast (even if it's just a coffee and toast) take a notepad and make a list of things to do. Move his stuff out of bedroom,contact the people that need to know. Wrote down your don't s . His cooking,laundry, etc. Then go home and do it for a couple of hours then go out again for an hour or so. Obviously your daughter of not home needs to be given the lowdown on how things are to be. You can do this x

Also be prepared that he is likely spending his day 'planning'. He will likely have informed OW. If that didn't go down well he may come back full of remorse and bullshit.

He may be planning how he can come up with what he thinks is fair and reasonable (but actually benefits him most or causes him the least impact).

Be prepared!

Re hot shot family law specialist my friend found hers through this site: www.legal500.com/c/london/private-client/family-mediation

There is a list of companies and also individuals.

Being busy may help you get through today

And my recently divorced friend also recommends this: themidult.com/midult-pages-23-best-divorce-lawyers-uk/

I'm not sure it's the right page on legal 500 so maybe homepage and search from there

Thinking of you. .

OP, I've just caught up with this thread. I'm so sorry for what you are going through, I've been there and it sucks.
FWIW - I'm a year on and divorce came through last week. I'm stronger and more confident than ever before, although I can't lie - there were times in the last 12 months when I was literally on my knees. You will get through this.

You are in shock at the moment, and this will last a little while. Be gentle with yourself. Eat what you can when you can is the best advice I can give you, other than that, just let this time pass.

Oh - and I put a post on FB a few days later as I couldn't face telling people for months on end. Just a short message saying we'd split up because he'd cheated. I had a lot of support from that.

And at the moment he is probably still feeling 'guilt'
He will promise all sorts of things.
To keep paying the mortgage etc...
This WILL NOT LAST.
The guilt will subside and with OW in his ear he'll be wondering WTF he is giving you so much, etc....
Believe me when I say, so many of us have been there.
That's why it's very important to get all paperwork together early on and get legal advice sooner rather than later.

Lean on friends and family - they want to help!

I think the ow is in a relationship already. That's what the weekends away and rented apartments are about.

I have been following the thread OP. I wouldn't post anything on Facebook. Be dignified and most importantly take care for your daughter and yourself and go find a shit hot lawyer. Leave the facebook for now. I hate it when people plaster stuff over facebook, might feel good at the time, but I hate to see it. You probably have a few mutual friends etc and it can put them in a difficult position. A friend of mine did it recently and it was like watching a car crash, he went into proper falling down mode and it made him seem a bit bat shit crazy if i am honest.

Just my opinion. No knee jerk reactions, ice cold warrior from now on. You can change your relationship status with it not being on peoples feed. Just click on "no-one" to the audience. Of course if it makes you feel better, then do it.

Good luck.