Is he having an affair #2

[worldupsidedown]

Continuing on from 'is he having an affair'

23:03 and still not home.

Be gentle with yourself today op.

Remember there is great power in silence. Telling him everything is not powerful. Shouting and screaming in front of him is giving away your power. [shout and scream by yourself or on here is better]

He will like it less if he has no idea about what you are doing. And he gave away his right to be involved with you when he first planned to do something with someone else.

This is not about you - how you are - not at all. This is all about him - how he reckons he can have his cake and eat it.

Your best opportunity to get him back [if thats what you might want at any point] is to focus on yourself and make plans for yourself going forward.
Your best opportunity to heal yourself is to focus on yourself and make plans going forward.

It's time to put yourself first.

Morning Op, I thought of you as soon as I woke up . Just echoing what everyone else has said. He has chosen this , it's what he wanted so take all his woe is me shit and chuck it back at him, begin with all his belongings into the spare room. Make him see you mean business. He's hedging his bets until he finds out what OW wants to do. If she doesn't want him ,be prepared for him to start grovelling . Only speak to him if you really have to and don't lift one single finger for him.

This is such a shock for you and you'll go through all sorts of emotions. The best one is anger and it will come, that's when you'll really get things done xx

Make your bedroom your sanctuary. Move all his belongings to the spare room and move the furniture around. Maybe buy new bed linen. Let him get his own laundry basket. Don't do anything for him. If he leaves dirty dishes or cups around put them in a washing up bowl in his room or the garage. And get yourself a DHL.

OP he definitely wants to keep you on simmer. Don't let him.

Get some legal advice. Get some real life support from family or close friends. Move his stuff out. Don't do anything for him. Focus on you and your dd.

Be nice to yourself. Take that break with your DD. Do yoga, swim whatever it is that makes you feel better.

I know it's tempting to hit the wine at times like these, don't.

I'm so sorry he is putting you through this, try and take some control back x

*SHL. Not sure why you'd need a courier at this stage.

What a shitbag sounds like he is playing for time as well s having his cake and eating it

Stand up and take control and remember silence has a lot more power than shouting

Even though you knew it really doesn't make any easier at least he came clean. I hate that I haven't been happy for years shit!!! Yet there is little indication or conversation to the other person, it's such a cop out and a lie generally that leaves you confused looking at the past on a different slant.
It's like they can pretend to say they tried. I'd have thrown the nearest object at his head when he said that crap.

He thought that there isn't an issue spending funds on an affair? Really?? What a cock. If the shoe was on the other foot I'm sure he wouldn't have let you get away with it.

There is so much I want to say to you but none of it will make it better, this will get better and you may find you weren't really happy but just ticking along. Throw yourself into your course and get out there and meet people that have similar interests and make you smile show him it's not just his sorry arse that can enjoy life.

Oh World - I thought of you the second I woke up. What an utter bastard.

All the advice you've had above is brilliant. He's clearly stringing you along until he gets his ducks in a row.

You need a shit hot lawyer (not the one you just saw) and get the ball rolling.

Withdraw all services to him and put his stuff in the annexe, if you can.

Good luck xxxxx

Yeah what jeaux90 says, you and your daughter should go on your birthday weekend and max his credit card out on spa treatments lol.

Only start your course if a lawyer can assure you that future earning potential won't be including in divorce calculations.

Didn't he suggest the course? That now seems very strange...
get your will change IMMEDIATELY and if he's got your POA get that stopped now.

So sorry this has happened to you, OP.
Can’t believe the entitled shit is telling you you’ve been unhappy -
as if the selfish taunt would know or care how you’ve been.

Get a lock or keep out sign on your bedroom door, from now
on his entitlements are at your whim.

You’re in the depths of the trough at the moment, OP but you
will come out of it and find you’re much stronger and more resourceful
than you knew.
In time when the shock has subsided cram your life with new adventures, join clubs, treat yourself to days out, go out of your way
to make new friends and you’ll find that life is good without the albatross ex holding you back.
You sound lovely, OP, he's a deceitful shit.
There’s a good life waiting for you out here.

He's getting his ducks in a row so please out sort yours op. Today tell him that this doesn't work for you so you will be proceeding with a divorce! He abused your trust, he doesn't get a say in this relationship anymore. He can fuck off to ow and if she doesn't want him he'll just have to man up and realise he's made his bed so he can lie in it.

Stay strong and we're all here for you when you need to scream and shout on here

Morning OP. I really do feel for you today, I can't imagine what you are going through! I think i'd be cutting holes in those new shirts and his work trousers all morning!!
Just a little bit of info, my DH worked in banking for quite a few years and if anything is mentioned to them about a 'tiff', split or divorce your joint account will be frozen and neither of you will have access.
Much love xx

So sorry for what ur going thru OP. I would reiterate what everyone else has said.

Don't unfriend him on Facebook. Change ur settings so that there r no notifications. Delete ur status. U don't need to say ur married or complicated or anything. Just leave that setting blank.

Move all his stuff into the spare room or annexe whichever is available at the moment.

Get all ur documents together. Get a new bank account in which u can transfer at least half the money after bills r covered.

Don't do anything for him. Basically he wants to have his cake and eat it because that's what everyone in the city does. He doesn't want to split up because he doesn't want to deal with the hassle. Not sure how old he is but let me tell u, a young girl in the city having an affair with an older man she knows to be married, is probably in it for everything she can get out of it so start protecting yourself and ur daughter from the chaos that his selfish behaviour r going to bring.

Get yourself a shit hot lawyer. I would hold off getting a job. He probably doesn't want to have to halve his assets so maybe a divorce petition might bring him to his senses. Or not, in which case free yourself so u can still find a way of enjoying ur life without this stupid man who has treated u more like a doormat. If he was unhappy he should have talked to u abt it rather than go shag some cheap bird in the city.

Get angry but focus that anger on getting all ur ducks in a row. Don't fight with him or waste ur energy on him. Give him the silent treatment. Show him how strong u r. Empower urself that's going to rattle him more.

Sending u a big virtual hug and wish u lots of strength. Go on that weekend away and spend lots of money on spa treatments and nice meal.

Tell everyone that he is having an affair and ur relationship is over. He doesn't want to deal with the reality of his actions. Make him face it whilst standing tall and dignified.

Oh god yeah cailisto is right do check how that would play out in divorce proceedings and if he has influenced your choice in anyway it may not be that enjoyable as it will feel a bit tainted.

So sorry to read your update. Posted on your earlier one, and have been following ever since, and thought of you first thing this morning.

I too think you might need a more 'fiery' lawyer - but have no idea how you find out who is a 'good' one and who isn't. That's the sort of thing you never know until you need to know. Maybe some other MNers have some ideas on how to find one?

And keep only the minimum in the fridge. Don't let that shit of a STBXH have the pleasure of opening the fridge door and seeing lots of lovely prepared food just waiting there. Empty shelves and salad leaves says it all.

Sending strength.

I'm sorry lass. Everyone else has wiser words than me, so I'll just send you a hand hold.

Mustang27 that is a brilliant suggestion. Why should OP NOT go on her birthday weekend and taking her lovely daughter is a fabulous suggestion.

OP when he says he wants to separate - that means not doing ANYTHING for him. Separation means just that. Yu do things separately from now on. Do not do ANYTHING for him - that includes his laundry, cooking, insurances, phone calls etc.

He is the one that is going to come off worse in all this not you. Hold your head high. You have not done anything wrong, don't be embarrassed or ashamed. He has literally thrown away years of happy family life for a 'mid-life' fling with a much younger woman!

If this was me (and I appreciate it isn't) but my DH would not be getting a second chance. 'They' go into these affairs KNOWING exactly what they are doing and knowing EXACTLY what the consequences are. He should be made to face them.

Don't allow him to take control of you, manipulate you. Be strong. be STRONGER than what he has ever seen you. and plenty of

No way would I be cooking or doing his laundry. I don't see remorse, he just wishes he wasn't caught.

Does he know that your DD is aware of the situation?

OP don't do the "pick me" dance. File for divorce. He's keeping you hanging on until he decides if his fling is working for him. Don't give him that opportunity

Sending a hand hold from me OP

The absolute utter shit!

You and your daughter definately go on the spa break!

Been given some cracking advice

Keep strong !!xx

Devastated for you.

It won't feel like it now and you are probably desperate for knowledge, how long, who with, details details details.

I promise you, you absolutely don't need them. It makes no difference. Today is a new day. That was your old life and everything that happened before to day is done and you don't need to analyse, rehash, torture yourself with the details.

Calm and collected. It will be much better for you, your mental health and ongoing family relations with your daughter if you put the wall up now and start your new life single. That and it will probably shock the shit out of him that you aren't on your knees begging.

Don't do pick me dance. Don't dig for details.

Fake it until you make it.

New wills and POA?

I wonder if he was planning on getting things changed so that he would benefit?
Or to protect his assets?