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Original poster

Will he ever propose?

271 replies

coffeelover1 · 08/08/2017 10:07

I have been with my DP for 6 years now and we have been living together for the last 5 years. He is 28 and I am 26. We have no children and I am happy. Everything was going well until DP asked if I wanted to have children last year. I told him that I did but not until I was married. Very quickly after establishing this, DP started insisting that we look at rings together and I went along with this. It has been about a year since he wanted me to look at rings together and we have been looking at rings for the last few months. I am getting a bit fed up of looking at rings now (by the way, every time we do look at rings I always find rings that I like and they are not massively expensive). I am now wondering if he intends to propose or if I am being strung along (this has been going on for just over a year). I never intended to get married and he is the one who has put all this in my head, yet doesn’t appear to be acting.

If anyone has any advice I would welcome it.

OP posts:
Beachbaby2017 · 14/08/2017 18:09

Congratulations on your promotion.

I don't really know how it's even possible to "date" after having had an actual relationship. And even if you enjoy his company and dating feels nice, you'll be tying yourself up and therefore closing the door to finding and dating someone who actually wants a secure future with you.

Loopytiles · 14/08/2017 18:10

After 25 ring shopping trips you should value your time enough to waste no more of it on him.

dontcallmethatyoucunt · 14/08/2017 18:27

Yes but the cats out of the bag now. Tread carefully OP he's all up for you forgetting he was a prick, but that doesn't mean he isn't one.

I'd be thinking of my finances too. WTF will you do when his 'provision' for you is fuck all? I'd treat him with caution.

Why not at least take a break, why is he calling the shots 'dating'? Why? You know who he is, he just showed you? Who's the prize here? You or him.... I can tell you what his actions say to me.

I know it's hard, but if you were telling you what to do, would you say go back?

dontcallmethatyoucunt · 14/08/2017 18:27

Congrats on your promo too. Expend your energy nailing your job.

Nellyphants · 14/08/2017 19:12

Congrats on your promotion.

On the 'dating' I'd be careful, I'd take it that he wants a fwb type relationship with you. Skewed totally in his favour too. If that suits you all good.

I'd suggest no contact for a bit whatever you decide.

AndTheBandPlayedOn · 14/08/2017 19:21

Congratulations on your promotion! Star
I bet he wants to forget about last week! Ha, nope.
I would say no to dating. He just doesn't have a fall back girl lined up yet.

Taylor22 · 14/08/2017 19:23

OK so you start dating does that mean he then plans to progress the relationship?

Bottom line and you need to point blank ask him.
Will he marry you.
Don't proposes obviously but you need to know.

flutterby12 · 14/08/2017 20:02

Big congratulations on the promotion! Just rtft - you have dealt with this so well. He sounds like he was trying his luck.

KERALA1 · 14/08/2017 20:53

He had his chance.

Well done op.

Within 3 months dh moved in, within 6 months he was dropping hints a year after our first date he proposed. If he wants to he will. You have called his bluff beautifully. Time for an upgrade my dear x

HeddaGarbled · 14/08/2017 21:03

Oh well done on your promotion Star

What on earth would be the point of "dating"? So that you can waste another 6 years on a man who doesn't want to marry you?

blueshoes · 14/08/2017 21:05

If he was prepared to meet your demands, he should be proposing instead of just offering to 'date'. Just another example of his offering you crumbs.

If you even think of giving him a second chance, make him prove himself by buying you a mahoosive engagement ring, then dump him. Under the law, you get to keep the ring as it is a gift to you Wink

ReanimatedSGB · 14/08/2017 21:09

Basically, OP, this man thinks of you as a 'woman' rather than a human being. You are something between a pet and a domestic appliance and, more importantly, you are something he gets to decide about whether he keeps you or trades you in for an upgrade at some point.

How was the domestic work division in your home, by the way? Were you doing the bulk of the cooking and cleaning as well as being ripped off financially and being available whenever he wanted to get his dick wet?

DownTownAbbey · 15/08/2017 09:19

Dating this man would be a bad idea. You're still very young. Meet someone better!

This man's thinking is fundamentally flawed. He may learn to hide it better but his essential personality will remain the same.

Google the sunk costs fallacy.

Whataboutus · 15/08/2017 09:21

How can you go back to dating after a 6 year relationship? It's not dates you're looking for is it, it's marriage.

Mesgegra · 15/08/2017 09:50

Dating! He's having a laugh.

OliviaStabler · 15/08/2017 11:28

He doesn't give up does he! Unbelievable.

Fluffypinkpyjamas · 15/08/2017 11:49

Tell him you're very interested in dating...other men!

EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard · 15/08/2017 13:39

My answer would be that I have zero interest in any kind of relationship that regresses.

Brilliant news of the promotion.
Congratulations 🍾

timeisnotaline · 15/08/2017 13:45

If he hasn't been dating you for quite enough years already! Lots being quite cruel about stringing you on, which must change how you see him anyway. Congrats on the promotion and I hope he is mature about the dds etc. Remember this is all his choice. If he turns around and proposes please say you need a month to think about it, it's only fair as he's taken years. because it's a bad idea to say yes to this guy

MimiSunshine · 15/08/2017 15:31

Hang on.

He had you believing that you were about to get married as he was imminently about to propose with one of the many 100s of rings you had been looking at together at his insistence.

Yet now he's trying to sell it to you that you go back to dating, presumably to see how things go?!

You know how this story goes, you read the book before the film came out. The male lead turns out to be a cad who was just stringing the female lead along with fake promises and the insult that something shiny would do instead of something concrete.

Take your promotion and set yourself a new story line and leave him behind (easy to say, hard on the heart I know).

heartshapedpositnotes · 15/08/2017 19:12

Congratulations on the promotion OP! And for being shit hot at drawing things to a head. Flowers

user1499333856 · 15/08/2017 19:30

I'm very confused as to how his suggestion of 'going back to dating' isn't insulting to you. How's that any different from the last 5 years in limbo?

Really quite bizarre. He has behaved appallingly. 25 shops with no intention whatsoever of buying something. I'd feel I had been laughed at.

What sort of person in a committed relationship doesn't pay their fair share towards joint living costs at the expense of the lower earner? Particularly when they have no intention of sharing any of their security or assets through marriage? He's a joke.

You have dodged a bullet. I'd be wanting my own space to do as I please from now on. Don't go back!

ohfourfoxache · 15/08/2017 21:00

Bloody hell I've just read this like Shock

You're well rid of this one. What a knob

Escapepeas · 15/08/2017 21:08

'Going back to dating' smacks of him thinking he can reset the clock and string you along for another few years.

It seems to be a thing amongst a certain type of man that they refuse to marry because they don't want to share their precious cash with a lower-earning partner, or have to pay out if they divorce.

Bullet dodged.

Bluntness100 · 15/08/2017 21:17

Congrats on your promotion. Really well done!

Op, don't go back to him, even if just dating, he's just stringing uou along and you will look back and wonder where the years went and why you didn't make a clean break when you had the chance.

This man lied to you. For a year. Probably much longer. He told uou he believed in marriage until it came to it, then he had to come clean. For a year he had uou looking at rings, he was never going to buy uou. Why, because with a ring comes a proposal. He couldn't simply say here's a ring and that's it. There was no proposal coming, there was no ring, and he knew it on every single one of those twenty five shopping trips. He lied over something monumental and for a very long time.

There is a saying on here which I dislike, but it's apt in this case. When someone tells you who they are. Listen.