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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

New employee annoying

214 replies

Catchuptv · 06/08/2017 17:42

There's a woman started in our office 4 months ago. She is such a suck up it's unbearable. She works extra hours to 'keep on top' and hardly joins in conversation at work because she is really busy.

She does have a heavier workload than the other 2 women and myself - but boy does she know it.

When she first started we could have a bit of a laugh with her and she'd join in the banter. We take the mick out of each other. However she's started to say things like -'why are you calling me that' - (we call her pussy or flapperjack - just stuff like that).

She also pulled me up the other day - she was going on about some stuff she had to do when I told her to chill out. She said she was chilled and had she done something to offend me because I'd been off with her earlier. She HAD asked a stupid question earlier and tbh I'd been a bit obtuse when I didn't really answer her question.

I'm now getting worried that she's going to go to HR because we swear a lot in our office and I don't know if she's getting fed up with it.

How can I find out and what should I do.

OP posts:
KindleBueno · 07/08/2017 20:02

YOU ARE BLOODY WRONG!!!

Mumof56 · 07/08/2017 20:03

"if I apologise it's making me out to be wrong."

You are wrong 100%

Cantdenyit · 07/08/2017 20:06

Yes that's what you should be apologising for. You're in the wrong!

PortiaCastis · 07/08/2017 20:11

Oh fgs you know you're wrong and are scared of reprisals.

LazaUbi · 07/08/2017 20:15

I've heard what you're all saying

I don't think you have.

Bluntness100 · 07/08/2017 20:18

OK everyone I get the message. I don't think I'll be able to apologise but I will help her more

Well that's big of you. And you are wrong, totally. She's not, not remotely. And if this does go further then an apology will go in your favour.

It could be as simple as " you know we were just joking with all the banter, I'm sorry if it upset you, let me help you with that"

And I'd consider she works late because you don't actually help her if she asks you a question. It really is such horrible bullying.

AufderAutobahn · 07/08/2017 20:21

You can apologise for hurting her even if you can't bring yourself to say you were wrong. The fact remains that she was probably upset by your "banter", whether you intended it or not, and you should acknowledge this and tell her you never meant any harm. You can talk to her and be a decent colleague from now on. Is this possible?

ShatnersBassoon · 07/08/2017 20:26

How are you imagining this apology that could only make things worse? "I'm sorry you're a pussy. You led me on; you tried to do some banter on your first day, remember...?"

I know this can't possibly be a genuine scenario based on real events, but it really is amusing me.

user1497557435 · 07/08/2017 20:28

Wow I am SOOOOOOOO glad I don't have to work with you!!! Jesus!

PoorYorick · 07/08/2017 20:30

Thing is - if I apologise it's making me out to be wrong.

You ARE wrong!

I'm not bothered what she looks like - I didn't mean it like that!

You insulted her appearance overtly and said that you have nothing to envy her for because you are younger, slimmer and prettier. How exactly DID you mean it?

You have almost certainly hurt her feelings, OP. She has asked you to stop calling her names. She has picked up on it when you were nasty to her for asking what you deem a stupid question (didn't you say you've worked there about eight times longer than she has?). You have HURT HER. If you're not an awful person, and you didn't mean to, then the least you could do is tell her that you're sorry you hurt her feelings, and you didn't mean to, and please could you both try again with a clean slate. How do you think she'll react to that?

(But if you're only going to say that you're sorry she feels that way, then do everyone a favour and yeah, don't bother.)

PoorYorick · 07/08/2017 20:32

Oh, and as for her joining in the banter, most people will try to join in and get along when they first get to a new job. But I don't think most people would appreciate being constantly called names day after day. She joined in at first, then she asked you to stop because it was upsetting for her. Jeez, how can you not realise this?

alfagirl73 · 07/08/2017 20:39

I can't believe that you think what you've been doing is okay on any level. You say it is banter but when a person clearly isn't enjoying your "banter" then it becomes bullying and in any decent workplace, that is a sackable offence.

If you want to come out of this okay - and if you want to conduct yourself with any kind of self-respect, maturity, professionalism and decency, you should find a quiet moment and sincerely apologise to this woman. You say she joined in your "banter" at the start, however it's clearly gone way past the point of being funny for her. So you should go to her and say "I'm so sorry, I realise we've taken the banter too far... I'm so sorry for any offense caused and for making you feel uncomfortable...." - that's your starting point. Then you go out of your way to help her, be supportive and to be pleasant and respectful to this woman.

You say you aren't jealous - but you are far too concerned with how she does her work and the hours she puts in. It looks to me like you are worried she will show you up. The hours she puts in are nothing to do with you - but consider this: You say she has a greater workload than you - so there's that for a start. Then given all the larking about you and your colleagues seem to do - I wouldn't be surprised if she puts in extra hours so she can get some work done in peace and quiet! I put in extra hours - I go into work 1-2 hours early every day - and those early hours are some of the most productive of my day because it's quiet and I don't get interrupted.

Instead of mocking this poor lady - why not take a leaf out of her book. She sounds hard working and professional to me.

I work in a team and we have banter, but we know where to draw the line and we know when to crack on and get our work done. We know how to behave like professionals and I have to say if I caught any of my colleagues behaving as you describe - whether directed at me or another colleague, their next meeting would be with their line manager and HR!

WhoreOfBabyliss · 07/08/2017 20:42

OP you are vile. HTH

BossyBitch · 07/08/2017 20:44

Where is your manager in all of this? Yes, I agree with pretty much everyone on this thread that you are wrong and hence should apologise. But as someone in charge of a bunch of employees, I can't help but wonder what kind of a superior would let their team get away with this kind of behaviour. For. Several. Months.

Your behaviour is absolutely unacceptable and actually constitutes bullying or can at the very, very least be construed to. As an employee, you are expected not only to have the skills and experience to carry out the functional aspects of your role, but also to adhere to company policy and, on a much more fundamental level, to display appropriate behaviour and a level of emotional maturity fit for an adult. Bullying your co-workers falls very far short of this basic standard and is usually grounds for a disciplinary.

If I were your manager, I would not expect but demand that you apologise to your colleague and that you bend over backwards to help her out going forward. And, if that didn't work out superbly within the next month or so, I would be looking into ways of replacing you.

There are very few things that I'm categorically unwilling to put up with in an employee (provided they're doing a good job). Bullying and any behaviour at all that could be seen as such tops that list.

BossyBitch · 07/08/2017 20:55

Should add: I'd also let you go immediately if your co-worker wasn't gracious enough to accept your policy and wasn't willing to give you another chance. I expect all of my actual employees would - but then that's because they have the basic social skills and empathy that would also prevent my team from having this problem in the first place.

crazykitten20 · 07/08/2017 20:57

@Catchuptv

This is a total BS thread.

If it's not, there is something SERIOUSLY wrong with your MH.

😊

Anatidae · 07/08/2017 20:59

if I apologise it's making me out to be wrong.

You are wrong.

gingergenius · 07/08/2017 21:14

Yep. Agreeing with everyone else here. It's not banter, it's spiteful bullying. Yes you are in the wrong so YES! You need to apologise. But I'm betting this thread will disappear fairly soon...

TheLegendOfBeans · 07/08/2017 21:20

If you called me "pussy" OP then I'd have to dentally rearrange you.

I assume all threads on MN are legit until proven otherwise so best advice OP is leave your colleague the fuck alone and just get on with your life. Stop caring so much about how she's making you look (horrid sounds accurate) and give your head the biggest of wobbles.

MollyWantsACracker · 07/08/2017 22:24

I would hate to wake up being you, OP.

For all my problems and worries, I manage to never not to be a day-to-day cunt.
Which you are.

Euripidesralph · 07/08/2017 22:29

You might want to accept firstly that you are wrong.... totally and utterly

Plus here's a shocked if I was that colleague you could be as nice as you want ...id assume someone had handed your backside to you and you were faking condescendingly niceness to save your backside

Then I'd cackle as I handed your sorry head over to HR 😁

If I was you I'd really hope she is nicer than me 😂

Pinkknickers · 07/08/2017 23:26

First of all, people who use the phrase 'it's only a bit of banter' seem to think it's a good excuse for being offensive and rude. Calling it banter doesn't make name calling or insults funny. You should be a grown up and apologise to your colleague.

WhoreOfBabyliss · 08/08/2017 04:34

It's far far easier to be rude and full of banter than to be polite and sensitive so I suggest you are intellectually lazy generally. Your responses here indicate that too.

RoseOfSharyn · 08/08/2017 05:05

if I apologise it's making me out to be wrong

Well yes, because you ARE wrong. bitch But, what you're essentially saying is
'If I apologise I'll be admitting blame and HR will have my arse out of the door in seconds.'

I hope you have used your work computer for some of these posts so your IT department can trace them and use it as evidence. Grin

RoseOfSharyn · 08/08/2017 05:09

What a bell end!!
yes I know this will be deleted. Worth it though

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