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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

New employee annoying

214 replies

Catchuptv · 06/08/2017 17:42

There's a woman started in our office 4 months ago. She is such a suck up it's unbearable. She works extra hours to 'keep on top' and hardly joins in conversation at work because she is really busy.

She does have a heavier workload than the other 2 women and myself - but boy does she know it.

When she first started we could have a bit of a laugh with her and she'd join in the banter. We take the mick out of each other. However she's started to say things like -'why are you calling me that' - (we call her pussy or flapperjack - just stuff like that).

She also pulled me up the other day - she was going on about some stuff she had to do when I told her to chill out. She said she was chilled and had she done something to offend me because I'd been off with her earlier. She HAD asked a stupid question earlier and tbh I'd been a bit obtuse when I didn't really answer her question.

I'm now getting worried that she's going to go to HR because we swear a lot in our office and I don't know if she's getting fed up with it.

How can I find out and what should I do.

OP posts:
harriet0635 · 07/08/2017 18:19

And insulting her appearance is so nasty. I'm glad I don't work with you.

JK1773 · 07/08/2017 18:23

OP you're ghastly. I'd hate to have you in my office. Work can be hard enough without a bully thrown into the mix. You need to reflect on your own behaviour here. This poor woman is being bullied at work, slagged off on a public forum for her looks and you're the one looking for sympathy! Astonishing

PortiaCastis · 07/08/2017 18:24

Put the boot on the other foot OP how would you like to be bullied by the office rabble?
No, didn't think so and if I worked with you I'd probably lose my job by standing up to you and giving as good as I got. Bullies only operate when they think noone will retaliate so be careful as your colleague could cause your job loss and serve you right

Xeneth88 · 07/08/2017 18:26

Theres a silly littlw girl like this at my work, similar circumstances, she's getting sacked at the end of the week. Just got to wait for another manager to come down to do it... I hope its you.

ShatnersBassoon · 07/08/2017 18:26
Grin

I'm imagining the op is Chris Finch from The Office.

ShatnersBassoon · 07/08/2017 18:28

I'm actually laughing out loud at the thought of being called a pussy in an affectionate yet still professional way Grin

Bluntness100 · 07/08/2017 18:34

So op, you just happened to call your seemingly older, less attractive than you in your opinion , over weight colleague a name, flapperjack, which means an older unattractive overweight woman, and it's purely coincidental and you made the name up and didn't know it even existed in the real world as a derogatory term,

That's a shocking co incidence don't you think? that you would invent this term which actually exists and has the meaning which is exactly how you describe her?

I'm sure everyone will believe you when you try to explain this shocking co incidence to your bosses and hr.

Right before they fire you.

iogo · 07/08/2017 18:36

I'm glad the OP seems to be trying to take on board what has been said.

It sounds like a vile working environment for the new woman. I feel so sorry for her.

Viewofhedges · 07/08/2017 18:48

If you're still there OP - I have just started a new job. If i couldn't ask what might sound to some people who had been there a while "stupid questions" then I'd never learn, because it's hard to pick up everything in a new job without some help.

Earlier on you said you were going to think about how you behaved. Do so. Then if you can apologise to the new girl, and genuinely offer to help if she needs it, you'll go some way to redeeming yourself. Surely best outcome for this thread would be if your workplace became a bit nicer all round?

Dappledsunlight · 07/08/2017 18:52

IMO you're right to be concerned about her going to HR. If she's asked you to stop, pay her a bit of respect and do as she requests or she may take things further. Your sense of humour may not be hers. You sound as if you can't understand she may be genuinely busy and as if you wish to intentionally upset your colleague. Cut the poor woman a bit of slack.

Original poster
Catchuptv · 07/08/2017 19:06

OK everyone I get the message. I don't think I'll be able to apologise but I will help her more.

OP posts:
MagentaRocks · 07/08/2017 19:20

Why won't you be able to apologise? The people that bullied me have never apologised or acknowledges how they treated me. They seem to think that now they are nice it should be ok. I will never forget how they made me feel especially when I was the only one not included in the secret Santa.

PastysPrincess · 07/08/2017 19:24

Do the right thing and apologise; dont take the easy way out. It will be a much better foundation to build a future professional relationship on and will help her to feel more at ease.

smashyourglasses · 07/08/2017 19:31

Fucking hell cop on to yourself. You've no self-awareness whatsoever. Bet she thinks you're a twonk just like we do.

KindleBueno · 07/08/2017 19:32

Do you think it's beneath you to apologise or what? You should be utterly ashamed of yourself.

Anatidae · 07/08/2017 19:36

I can't believe this is real.

Op if you were in my team I'd be involving HR. Your conduct at work is highly unprofessional. It's exposing your employer to possible lawsuits. You would be on a disciplinary and frankly you'd be out the door as soon as I legally could.

I cannot believe this is real. Your poor, poor colleague. Your behaviour and attitude are disgraceful.

PoorYorick · 07/08/2017 19:39

I just read this entire thread looking for the post where OP says, "Surprise, it's a reverse!"

I can't believe it's not.

OP, for someone who's so hot on the 'banter', you don't half get in a stink when a bunch of us on here tell you stuff you don't want to hear. Banter is two-way, it's only banter if both people think it is. Otherwise it's just nasty bullying.

You don't get to decide for other people what hurts them. If she really is as ugly as you say she is, and you are so much better looking, do you think that perhaps that might explain why she has sensitivities that you haven't?

PerpendicularVincent · 07/08/2017 19:39

You sound very difficult to work with and incredibly old fashioned in your attitude towards work itself.

Working hard, asking questions and wanting to do well are good things. Getting resentful of this, calling people daft names like flapperjack and ganging up with your mates are shit things.

I wouldn't blame her if she went to HR.

PoorYorick · 07/08/2017 19:45

Why can't you apologise, OP? Are you that scared of doing something decent?

user1495915742 · 07/08/2017 19:47

You call her Flapperjack and Pussy? Confused

I'd say that she has probably realised that she doesn't like you or the childish work environment.

Time to grow up, op.

PortiaCastis · 07/08/2017 19:47

Obviously scared she'll get as good as she gave if she and her fellow bullies apologise

PoorYorick · 07/08/2017 19:49

It's possible that she does extra hours because she can't concentrate with her colleagues acting like a bunch of dipshits all day.

Mumof56 · 07/08/2017 19:55

Your poor colleague. What would possess you that name calling has any place in the work place? How horrible and childish, I hope HR hears about this.

Anatidae · 07/08/2017 19:57

You call her Flapperjack and Pussy?

I still can't believe this is real. Surely no one in their right minds would call someone that at work?
I wonder if this colleague is on MN. If she is, I'd be telling her to take legal advice, document all instances and take this to HR.

And OP, if you think this is OK you need to realise that it's not. You're a childish, unprofessional bully.

Original poster
Catchuptv · 07/08/2017 20:00

I've heard what you're all saying. Thing is - if I apologise it's making me out to be wrong. She joined in the banter originally and I think I'm making it worse by saying sorry - I think if I be nice to her and help her more then that should sort this out.
I'm not bothered what she looks like - I didn't mean it like that!

OP posts: