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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is he having an affair?

879 replies

worldupsidedown · 05/08/2017 07:39

Dh has been acting very strange the past couple of weeks. It's all quite sudden and I'm still trying to work out when this all started. Yesterday I spent the day feeling sick to the stomach that maybe he might be having an affair.

Last night he was very late in from work, not too unusual, but when he'd told me earlier in the week he didn't seem bothered, for a Friday night he usually just wants to get home, be with family and hates having to do after work socials/business dinner, etc. When he got in, must have been the last train, he was 'asleep' he didn't put the bedroom light on, just went to the bathroom then got into bed and then was obviously sending/reading on his phone quietly for a minute or so, put the phone down, then a minute or so later picked it up to read something received before putting it down again. Then I could tell he was restless and not going to sleep, normally he's out of it in minutes, but he was like this all night and has been more so recently. He blames it on me snoring/groaning etc, which I know I do but he snores too and he usually sleeps better. He's been downstairs with his iPhone now since about 5:30, I don't think he was trying to sleep on the sofa or something as he made a coffee.

He was acting very strange all the time on holiday last week and this week too. Barely talking to me, avoiding conversation and eye contact at the dinner table etc, no work discussed, funny things, nothing, sense of humour loss and I can't seem to say the right thing. He went for his daily runs in the afternoon on holiday but when he got back he'd do more excises and avoid getting in the pool with me till I got out. Also being careful at what he eats, no dessert. He also seemed to be emailing someone a lot, could be work related but I'm sure it was his gmail app he was using, I saw the coloured background, not phone/work mail and he seemed a little sheepish when using it, and he usually discusses his work stuff with me if there's something going on, nothing mentioned at all. On holiday he slept in the spare room, I didn't mind, his reason was not having slept well because of my keeping him awake and he needed to catch up, so I said I was ok with it, but now I'm wondering if it was ulterior motive.
On our way home,at the airport we sat for a drink and our DD mentioned how he'd been 'grumpy' all holiday, he didn't answer, just grunted and looked away.

I don't know if to let this ride more, just be myself and normal, oblivious, see what he's like this weekend as it's our first home since the holiday, maybe I'm being paranoid, or should I try to get something out of him? I hate confrontation, maybe I should wait, he should explain himself.

On holiday at our villa last week he barely spoke to me or my daughter (15), it's like he's had a sense of humour loss or just in his own world. Also choosing to sit on his own at the far end of the sunbeds, reading and going for a long run late afternoon, this he usually does anyway but this year, instead of straight in the pool to join me he'd faff about and then do some further exercises, pretty much till I was done in the pool.

At the airport, on our way home, my daughter tried to bring up his behaviour and he just grunted and looked away. He's also been non-committal on my suggestions of booking our holiday next year.

We had house sitters staying and at dinner together on their last night he barely spoke to anyone then went to get ready for work the next day

OP posts:
Huffletuff · 08/08/2017 22:21

Am I the only one panicking about a second thread being needed?

TheObserverOne · 08/08/2017 22:22

💐

pidgewidgeon · 08/08/2017 22:22

Good luck, we're here for you World Flowers

littleredpear · 08/08/2017 22:23

Wishing you strength for tonight. Been there Flowers

haveacupoftea · 08/08/2017 22:23

I can't imagine how you feel.. I feel sick for you

MrsXx4 · 08/08/2017 22:23

What a shitbag he is OP!!!

We are all by your side x

Fluerdelea · 08/08/2017 22:23

I wont be able to sleep tonight OP worrying about you. We all have your back Flowers

Imbeingunreasonable · 08/08/2017 22:24

Put his shirts on a super hot wash Grin add some dye to the machine

Fluerdelea · 08/08/2017 22:25

Get a cold glass of water...when I did the reveal I was so nervous and felt sick I had to keep sipping on water

Kim90 · 08/08/2017 22:26

stay strong worldupsidedown Flowers

Imbeingunreasonable · 08/08/2017 22:26

Wishing you luck op. Hope he comes home soon. Be strong. We're all behind you

Haribogirl · 08/08/2017 22:26

whatever you do, and I know believe me.
Don't do the pick me dance,
Look what you are going to loose
What about DD
Look what we built up together etc etc

If he wants YOU, he will speak volumes
Let him do the talking first.
Then you ask what you want to know
X

KungFuEric · 08/08/2017 22:27

Can you see that the messages have been read?

Petalflowers · 08/08/2017 22:27

Thinking of you.

user1485639128 · 08/08/2017 22:28

I hope you get some answers tonight. Good luck op

Kaleidogyn · 08/08/2017 22:28

That bastard doesn't know the whole of MN is baying for blood. Stay strong. Imagine us all stood behind you.

mydietstartsmonday · 08/08/2017 22:28

It is unforgivable that has betrayed you. But only you what is right for you and your family. You have behaved with great dignity, good luck with the next few hours.

worldupsidedown · 08/08/2017 22:29

Thank you everyone, I'm aware I may not be able to post the moment he gets home, but, unless he takes the day off work tomorrow, I'll update you all

OP posts:
MadeForThis · 08/08/2017 22:29

Don't believe whatever lies he tells you. Remember the evidence.

ferntwist · 08/08/2017 22:30

OP you're amazing. We're all rooting for you. Love your strength and composure. Good luck tonight

halfmoonbay · 08/08/2017 22:30

Good luck OP xxx

sailorcherries · 08/08/2017 22:31

Good luck tonight OP x

Polkadot1974 · 08/08/2017 22:31

Hope you manage to get at least some chance to confront and start the process of making him pay. Awful for you though

lazycrazyhazy · 08/08/2017 22:32

World we are here to support you all the way. You're not here to dance to our tune so update when you're ready. Take all the time you need and get some RL support but many MNs are here in the virtual clan for you tonight and going forward.

Wowzel · 08/08/2017 22:32

My ex denied he had been cheating on me for ages after I found out and tried to make me think I was mad.

I wasn't, I knew I had the evidence.

Stay strong OP.

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