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Original poster

Not my Hen weekend- but so pissed off

315 replies

FastAbsorbingCake · 30/07/2017 11:17

Long…

As above was away on a hen weekend for someone I thought was a very good friend.

We've been friends for over 20 years and I've been her someone to call at 3am person and I thought she was mine.

The weekend was self catering which I was told by the Maid of Honour (a whole other story) that I was sorting out the food for 20 ish people.

Which I did happily, I spent the whole weekend running after sorting cooking cleaning up etc. And did it all on a very tight budget.

Just before we left the location I said ok I'm having a swim, and then packing and would someone mind clearing up after the breakfast?
Bearing in mind there was 20 of them…

Now I had cooked and sorted for 20 people for 6 meals with no help. I did ask for help and some of them wafted in and out doing nothing of substance.

So wedding has been & done and 'friend' asked to meet up. So we go for a meal and I'm told how horrible I was by leaving them to clean up on the last morning.

How awful I was by not joining in games etc. I did point I was either clearing up or cooking.
I did try to join In but MOH was very obvious in excluding me.

But no and apparently the MOH was very upset & stressed by my behaviour…

So we're in the main course of the meal, she was talking at me for an hour and I say you know what, I worked my arse off for weeks before the weekend, I was first up last to bed on the weekend.

You behaved appallingly to me on said weekend, as did your 'friends'. I assumed when you invited me for this meal it was to apologise, clearly not, so fuck off. And left. We've not spoken since. (I.e. A few months)
Well I did get an enraged text about leaving her with the bill- I'd had pasta & and sparkling water and left a £20…
Ok vent over.

The thing is I've woken up this am (am away with OH so was a late nightGrin ) to see she's called 3 times over night.

My instinct is to call, OH has said don't you dare. I hate to admit it but he's right isn't he…

But what's if she's in real trouble?

OP posts:
tackytriceratops · 30/07/2017 22:21

But did the bride say that sort of thing in her moany strop? Can you fit that theory with what she said?

tackytriceratops · 30/07/2017 22:22

Also - could Betty shed light on why she had the strop about your personal chef service?

tackytriceratops · 30/07/2017 22:24

I don't think you were PA or came across as PA. You were given that job and they didn't help and she 'told you off' for not completing the job. I'm shocked no one helped tbh.

CatsCatsCats11 · 30/07/2017 22:26

My guess is your being blamed for something and she's angry... again.

Crashbangwhatausername · 30/07/2017 22:27

Well this has piqued my interest

Original poster
FastAbsorbingCake · 30/07/2017 22:28

O, see above I was asked to be MOH and it was then rescinded.
And I never said a word, thougth i was expected to explain at the wedding as so many had see her ask me to me MOH.

And on good note I am off to w late night soak with (sober) DP in a hot tub.

So hopefully won't drown.... its shallow and private Wink

OP posts:
mydietstartsmonday · 30/07/2017 22:32

Don't text her, you need to stay away from her. Who cares what her and her bitches thought you did or didn't do. As you said jean girls. Go enjoy your fun times with your DP.

SukiPutTheEarlGreyOn · 30/07/2017 23:01

You sound like the sort of friend most people would think themselves lucky to have, Fast. She sounds dreadful and you are well rid. However, can see why you are curious. If you are going to text then leave it till you are back from your break and don't get drawn back into her dramas. Have a great time away and enjoy the hot tub (there is no way to write that and not make it sound like it should be said with a Sid James cackle)

Ragdoll545 · 30/07/2017 23:10

Your friend is a fucking dick. I'm proud of you for standing up for yourself. However she's been totally using you and she's seemingly controlled by bitch MOH. Fuck her...... however I personally would probably message her something along the lines of 'hi hope everything's ok' just to get the dirt then ignore her!

RiotAndAlarum · 30/07/2017 23:11

There really isn't anything to find out, or at least nothing real. It'll be the same old bullshit which sounds as though it's wildly inventive, but is actually either petty fabrication or some story of injury which doesn't make sense. I'm sure you can elaborate far more interesting and creative scenarios than she can, because you think and worry too much about other people, whereas peoplr like your ex-friend and the MOH are more about wanting to make their pawns behave a certain way. They care nothing about what's going on inside a person because the outward form of obedience is all they care about.

Rache11 · 30/07/2017 23:41

Shameless place marking to find out what the storm in a teacup is about Blush

Bonez · 30/07/2017 23:54

I'm so stubborn and in your situation would completely ignore.

Roussette · 31/07/2017 08:50

But I don't understand why, for one minute, you'd act like a maid and servant at a hen weekend when you've got just as much right as everyone else to enjoy yourself?

What possessed you to cook and clear up for 20 people for a whole weekend? And more than one course? I know you've said you're used to cooking for lots so just did it and it's no big thing but come on.... it is a big thing. I'm good at cooking for lots too (18 for Christmas etc) but it's time consuming and tiring to do this even for one meal. I just don't know why.

rollonthesummer · 31/07/2017 08:53

But I don't understand why, for one minute, you'd act like a maid and servant at a hen weekend when you've got just as much right as everyone else to enjoy yourself?

I couldn't get past this either! I suspect the reasons behind it go a long way to explain the dynamics between these people, maybe?

Roussette · 31/07/2017 08:57

Yes, there must be a back story as to why anyone would do this!

Roussette · 31/07/2017 08:59

I went in to coping mode

OP... why did you need to go into coping mode on what was supposed to be a fun weekend? Answering that might go some way to explain why you decided to wait on 20 people for a whole weekend!

StealthPolarBear · 31/07/2017 09:01

This is the cheekiness thing ever!

BastardGoDarkly · 31/07/2017 09:30

Just thank your lucky stars you no longer have to deal with her bollocks.

She's no friend to you, don't give her another minutes thought.

Enjoy your holiday!

PinkMagpie · 31/07/2017 09:41

If you thought there was a chance she was in real trouble why didn't you call her?

You sound like a passive aggressive nightmare. Who takes on sole responsibility for catering for 20 other people who could easily pitch in?

I so, so bet there is another side to this and the fact that the bride took you out to dinner to say that you had made people uncomfortable on the hen weekend is very telling. It sounds like you are sore at not being made 'MOH.' Not really sure how the bride was captured on video asking you to be 'MOH' and then rescinded that offer - sounds deeply improbable as well.

Hudson10 · 31/07/2017 12:16

I do wonder if the wafting helpers were rebuffed.

I do too. I know someone who does that. Insists on doing everything themselves, and if you try to help they reply with something like "no, it's alright, I can do it" or "everything's under control."
Then after the event, they'll recount to someone who wasn't there at the time "I had to do everything myself" or "nobody offered to help."
Yes, we did, but they weren't having any of it!
Some people are just strange and martyr like over stuff like that, I don't get it. Confused

Rednailsandnaeknickers · 31/07/2017 12:18

It's not improbable at all Maggie, I have 2 friends who have both been promised for years that they would be the MOH/Chief bridesmaid by their very close long term friends.

One was asked formally when all out with friends celebrating the engagement, delighted, starts planning etc. Then the "low contact cos she's seriously hard work" sister of the bride gets a whiff of the impending nuptials, starts a love bombing campaign and eventually basically blackmails bride into replacing friend with her as the MOH as she's "faaaaaamily". Confused Of course, after the glory of the wedding, sister disappears into the sunset leaving bride and very hurt friend in the dust.

Second friend was asked to be bridesmaid very publicly on a girls spa day, little gifts and poem to ask her and the other 2 girls, photos on Facebook etc etc. All is grand and they are planning dress shopping etc. Then the bride tells friend she's decided to only have 2 bridesmaids after all as her HTB is only choosing 2 groomsmen and she needs the photos to have an even number ShockConfused Friend dropped. Friend suspects she was dropped as she was the largest of the 3 (not obese just a normal 12-14 v skinny gym bunny 8-10s) and the dresses were super tight. That friendship never really recovered either.

Hudson10 · 31/07/2017 12:25

Could it be that the bride didn't think you had to miss the games because:it just wouldn't occur to her you were solo when there were 20 people- she thought the wafters were actually doing things?

This. If it was the Maid of Honour saying that you were doing the catering for 20 people why would you agree to that when you're a guest at the hen night, not the paid help?
then you can't really blame the bride as she probably had no idea her batshit MOH had appointed you as head chef for the weekend and thought instead that you were just lurking in the kitchen and not enjoying yourself/joining in!

hollyisalovelyname · 31/07/2017 13:52

Hudson10
I know people like that too.
Martyrs.
Even in the Bible ( New Testament )
Martha and Mary.
Martha enjoyed being with the visitors and Mary, her sister was left doing all the catering and washing up. Jesus admonished Mary. SmileSmileSmile
I always thought that was a bit unfair on Mary tbh.

flumpybear · 31/07/2017 14:08

Bloody hell if I am reading this correctly they're essentially using you as chief cook and bottle washer!! Are you the freakin hired help?!
You'd be better off without any of these 'friends'!

RidingWindhorses · 31/07/2017 14:12

I'm sorry I don't buy this bad feeling with MOH, martyr, pa nonsense.

It's rather ironic that some posters are taking pa kicks at the OP while accusing her of it.

OP comes across as very straightforward person, I take her word for what happened. She agreed to cater and people ended up taking the piss. Some people are quite happy to take advantage of kindness, let someone do the graft and not really think.

I can't think of anything worse than going on a hen weekend and I'm so glad that none of my friends are the type to have bothered with them. Could I personally be arsed with 'games'? Highly unlikely. But that doesn't make me a bad person, nor the OP.

I'd still text bridezilla back tho, I'd want to know what she was up to this time just for the laugh.

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