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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Not my Hen weekend- but so pissed off

315 replies

FastAbsorbingCake · 30/07/2017 11:17

Long…

As above was away on a hen weekend for someone I thought was a very good friend.

We've been friends for over 20 years and I've been her someone to call at 3am person and I thought she was mine.

The weekend was self catering which I was told by the Maid of Honour (a whole other story) that I was sorting out the food for 20 ish people.

Which I did happily, I spent the whole weekend running after sorting cooking cleaning up etc. And did it all on a very tight budget.

Just before we left the location I said ok I'm having a swim, and then packing and would someone mind clearing up after the breakfast?
Bearing in mind there was 20 of them…

Now I had cooked and sorted for 20 people for 6 meals with no help. I did ask for help and some of them wafted in and out doing nothing of substance.

So wedding has been & done and 'friend' asked to meet up. So we go for a meal and I'm told how horrible I was by leaving them to clean up on the last morning.

How awful I was by not joining in games etc. I did point I was either clearing up or cooking.
I did try to join In but MOH was very obvious in excluding me.

But no and apparently the MOH was very upset & stressed by my behaviour…

So we're in the main course of the meal, she was talking at me for an hour and I say you know what, I worked my arse off for weeks before the weekend, I was first up last to bed on the weekend.

You behaved appallingly to me on said weekend, as did your 'friends'. I assumed when you invited me for this meal it was to apologise, clearly not, so fuck off. And left. We've not spoken since. (I.e. A few months)
Well I did get an enraged text about leaving her with the bill- I'd had pasta & and sparkling water and left a £20…
Ok vent over.

The thing is I've woken up this am (am away with OH so was a late nightGrin ) to see she's called 3 times over night.

My instinct is to call, OH has said don't you dare. I hate to admit it but he's right isn't he…

But what's if she's in real trouble?

OP posts:
hellejuice91 · 30/07/2017 17:01

This once happened to my Husband at a stag do about 6 years ago. There was 7 of them and a cottage was rented down south with a load of activties planned in. He was not consulted on where they were going. As a groomsman he couldnt duck out of it either.

Basically when they got there he did all the driving (he is teetotal) and even though everyone else brought their cars, they all refused to drive and he had to take two trips everywhere, resulting in having to have two full tanks during a long weekend. He was also asked to take care of the food (again only sober one) so did the great majority of cooking etc and bought the lion's share of the food. He also cleaned the cottage throughout the stay and had to do a good scrub of it before they left (they all claimed to be too hungover)

The best man said he would contact him to sort the money out (us thinking he meant money for petrol and food) and a few days after the trip he received an email with the heading money.

Basically it told him he owed £15.00 for some t shirt with the grooms name on it and another £25.00 towards the booze fund for the trip.

Needless to say he was furious and refused to pay.

He now won't go to any of these outings with them all in one big group as they totally took the piss that weekend.

RortyCrankle · 30/07/2017 17:53

I would send one text saying 'What?'

The80sweregreat · 30/07/2017 18:05

Please let us know what she says.

i am sorry to call you a doormat - its happened to me in the past too with so called friends - women can be so horrible sometimes.
i feel sad for you that its happened at all.
helle, thats horrible too. goes to show how much people will push the boundaries and how selfish folk are!

Vq1970 · 30/07/2017 18:17

Just send her a link to this thread - you come out of it very well, her not so much!

The80sweregreat · 30/07/2017 18:21

yes, show her the thread.

Whocansay · 30/07/2017 18:25

I wouldn't give that bitch the satisfaction of knowing that I might want to hear what she had to say. She can fuck off!

She was probably calling to give you grief whilst drunk anyway.

GreenTulips · 30/07/2017 19:32

I think you got wendied-

Friend here's of weeding - smooches in - gets made MOH and has a blast - after the wedding moves on to someone else leaving 'friend' friendless

It happens

Weak and feeble excuse but I've seen this a few times

Maudlinmaud · 30/07/2017 19:44

My god woman you're a Saint.
Perhaps the missed calls where just another attempt to rant at you. But I'm placemarking to find out for sure.

hollyisalovelyname · 30/07/2017 20:21

I'd say the missed calls were either drunken Saturday night calls with MOH or phone pressed by accident calls. I've had them.

Neutrogena · 30/07/2017 21:06

Forgiveness does not mean you are a doormat.
Was Mandela a doormat for forgiving his captors? Forgiveness is letting go of the resentment, and in many cases, making sure you don't let yourself be treated like that again.
The OP is hurting and being a b1tch isn't going to make her feel better.
Forgive this woman, and then speak to her. OP will be totally in her rights to say 'No' to whatever it is, but by forgiving you lose the power of the resentment.

PyongyangKipperbang · 30/07/2017 21:39

It isnt a straight choice between being a bitch and forgiving someone.

The OP has clearly moved on, this woman has no importance at all in her life so no negativity or resentment that I can see. She doesnt sound like she is hurting either. She was hurt yes, but has moved on. Imo there is nothing that the OP needs to say or do as the healing has happened.

Lweji · 30/07/2017 21:41

You can forgive people without going back to being friends.

Original poster
FastAbsorbingCake · 30/07/2017 21:43

So I've taken the low road and text the only person that is still in touch with both of us.

Just for context, lets call her Betty, has been friends with the bride since birth, I was surprised when she (a kept in touch with me and (b that she wasn't at the hen weekend. Her keep in touch has been very vague/guarded, but lightly friendly if you know what I mean.

So I text and said hi, I'm just reaching out as I'm a bit concerned I'm away on holiday but I've had several missed calls from 'bride'. Is all ok?

I & DP are still FB friends with Betty, so she comes back with I hope you're having a great time looks wonderful ( DP FB junkie....lots of checking in etc) Anyway her text was Hi I hope you're having a great time, looks wonderful, it's all the usual storm in a tea cup Angry, lets catch up when you're back. Nothing to worry about.

I'm now more curious than before.........

OP posts:
FrankieStein · 30/07/2017 21:46

Wayhey. (Coming out of the shadows here)
So glad you came back to update op.
Maybe I'm overly nosy but I really want to know what she wanted!

Dancinginthemidnight · 30/07/2017 21:46

I would ignore her completely now.

donajimena · 30/07/2017 21:47

Oh my word... You've done nothing wrong so relax and enjoy your holiday. I'd get home and see if anything comes out in the wash.
After al, l the problem can't be about the hen weekend this far down the line surely?

BaDumShh · 30/07/2017 21:48

It sounds as though you are bride's go to person when she's having a drama. Clearly none of her other amazing friends would deal with her shit at 3am. She is a user and only wants what she can get from you, whether that be dealing with her shit at 3am or being a free chef/skivvy on her hen weekend. She is no friend of yours.

Soslowmo · 30/07/2017 21:56

Argh what to do now? That has made me extra nosy about what is going on! Can 'Betty' tell you more?

LexieLulu · 30/07/2017 21:58

You need to either text bride or Betty back getting goss! I'm too nosey for this

MerryMarigold · 30/07/2017 22:03

She's prob had some row with her 'd' h and blown it all out of proportion. It is clearly nothing serious eg. miscarriage/ affair/ job loss/ parental illness etc.

Crispmonster1 · 30/07/2017 22:03

She sounds shit. One sided friendship? Like what eggsymum said. I would be dying to find out but try and let her stew.

abilockhart · 30/07/2017 22:04

I'll play devil's advocate and suggest that there was a existing bad feeling between OP and MOH possibly from not being chosen for MOH or from being asked to do the catering. This resulted in OP playing martyr and doing all the cooking to make some kind of passive aggressive point. This resulted in bride being pissed off at friend for a atmosphere and not getting involved with the hen properly. I just don't get why anyone would agree to be treated as a personal chef for their friend's hen!

On first reading, the above sounds improbable.

But then again, it is the only explanation offered so far as to why the OP could allow herself to be treated in this manner.

"Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth."

MadMags · 30/07/2017 22:04

Ugh more drama. Put it from your mind.

Original poster
FastAbsorbingCake · 30/07/2017 22:07

@PyongyangKipperbang you're right,(thank you) I have stepped far away enough that she has no power to hurt me.

But I'm still nosy as fuck....

I'm like one of those fucking rubber neckers at an accident, and I hate myself for it..but.....

There was a lesson to be learned and I've learned it, learnt it well.

But I don't want to be that person, I don't want to assume the worse of people because I honestly believe that in the majority most people are good, or at least mean well.

I'm just worried/concerned, whatever that i was so taken in

OP posts:
Original poster
FastAbsorbingCake · 30/07/2017 22:19

'I'll play devil's advocate and suggest that there was a existing bad feeling between OP and MOH possibly from not being chosen for MOH or from being asked to do the catering. This resulted in OP playing martyr and doing all the cooking to make some kind of passive aggressive point. This resulted in bride being pissed off at friend for a atmosphere and not getting involved with the hen properly. I just don't get why anyone would agree to be treated as a personal chef for their friend's hen!

On first reading, the above sounds improbable.

But then again, it is the only explanation offered so far as to why the OP could allow herself to be treated in this manner.

Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.

I'll take the hit; I don't think I was PA in my cooking etc: I personally feel, looking back I went in to coping mode but how others saw that, who knows???

OP posts:
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